{"id":141648,"date":"2025-02-16T13:48:30","date_gmt":"2025-02-16T17:48:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=141648"},"modified":"2025-02-19T14:49:39","modified_gmt":"2025-02-19T18:49:39","slug":"conscious-and-unconscious-behavior","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/conscious-and-unconscious-behavior\/","title":{"rendered":"Conscious and Unconscious Behaviors: The 2 Sides of Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why do you act differently around certain people? What if you could consciously choose how to respond in any situation instead of falling into automatic patterns?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Life coach Mike Bayer explores conscious and unconscious behavior patterns in his book Best Self<\/em>, offering practical strategies to align your actions with your authentic self. Through his innovative character-creation method, readers learn to identify and transform their automatic responses into intentional choices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Discover how personifying your behavioral patterns<\/a> can unlock a new level of self-awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Personify Your Aligned and Misaligned Selves<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

After evaluating how you feel in all areas of your life, you’ll have two key pieces of information. First, you\u2019ll have a clear idea of where you’re acting in alignment with your true self<\/a> and where you’ve become disconnected. Second, you\u2019ll be aware of your conscious and unconscious behaviors\u2014how you behave when you’re being true to yourself, and how you behave when you’re not<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, suppose you noticed that you communicate confidently and openly when interacting with certain groups of friends but become defensive and withdrawn around other friends. In that case, you\u2019ve identified distinct behavioral patterns that can clue you into whether you\u2019re aligned or misaligned, and what types of people<\/a> bring out these behaviors in you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Bayer suggests that people act positively when they\u2019re being authentic and negatively when they\u2019re not. Research adds that whether a behavior is positive or negative depends on how genuine it feels. Even “negative” behaviors can be positive if they meet your needs, and “positive” behaviors can be harmful if you use them to mask your true feelings. For example, withdrawing can be healthy if you need time to reflect<\/a>, while acting confident can be harmful if it masks insecurity<\/a>. This suggests that it\u2019s more useful to examine your behaviors based on the needs or feelings they serve, rather than labeling<\/a> them as simply \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad.\u201d)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Increase Awareness of Automatic Behaviors<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Bayer recommends making two <\/strong>separate lists: one of your aligned behaviors and one of your misaligned behaviors. Then, use each list to create two distinct characters that represent your aligned self and your misaligned self<\/strong>. Make these characters as detailed and vivid as you can\u2014for instance, give each of them a name, a distinct physical appearance, a specific dialect, and a set of unique personality traits. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, you might create a character named Sunshine to represent the part of you that communicates confidently. You describe Sunshine as a tall, graceful character who speaks clearly and warmly. The character who represents the part of you that becomes defensive\u2014named Hedgehog\u2014is a small, hunched character who mutters and avoids eye contact.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bayer explains the power of creating these characters: Up until now, he says, you\u2019ve likely been behaving automatically<\/em>, reacting to situations without conscious thought. (For example, when you\u2019re in an uncomfortable social situation, you instinctively start to retreat without considering if there\u2019s another way to respond.) Personifying your behaviors with detailed characters makes it easier to recognize which \u201cself\u201d is in control.<\/strong> This awareness makes it much harder to ignore when you\u2019re acting out of alignment, <\/strong>giving you a chance to interrupt and reflect on your automatic behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, the next time you experience discomfort at a social gathering and feel the urge to retreat, you recognize that Hedgehog has taken control of your behaviors. You take a step back from the situation and consider whether you really<\/em> want to withdraw from it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Personification Helps Change Unconscious Behaviors<\/strong>

Todd Herman (The Alter Ego Effect<\/em><\/a>) recommends a similar personification process and offers insight into how it can help you consciously choose your behaviors. He explains that most of your responses to situations are unconscious habits you’ve developed over years\u2014patterns of behavior that have become so natural you don’t even realize you’re engaging in them. While some of these unconscious behaviors serve you well, others are outdated or unhealthy.

Herman argues personifying your different behaviors as distinct characters helps you make conscious choices about how you want to act. The act of personification creates psychological distance between you and your behaviors, so you can choose to embody or avoid them based on what serves you best in the moment. Further, Herman explains that this process helps you tap into strengths you already have but aren\u2019t using. At your core, you\u2019re creative, motivated, curious, and full of potential. But over time, you\u2019ve internalized limiting beliefs about yourself and adopted bad habits that hold you back. Personifying your positive behaviors helps you bypass your limiting beliefs because you\u2019re not being yourself\u2014<\/em>you\u2019re being someone with positive beliefs about the world and themselves.

In addition to giving your characters names, physical details, and personality traits, Herman recommends giving them rich backstories that explain what empowers or triggers their (your) behaviors<\/a>. Understanding the origins and triggers of each character makes them feel more real and memorable, strengthening your ability to recognize and choose between them in the moment. For example, say Hedgehog developed during your difficult middle school years. You learned to protect yourself from bullies by taking up little space\u2014you hunched, mumbled, and avoided attention. These behaviors kept you safe then, but now they activate when you\u2019re in social situations that make you nervous, which is neither necessary nor helpful.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why do you act differently around certain people? What if you could consciously choose how to respond in any situation instead of falling into automatic patterns? Life coach Mike Bayer explores conscious and unconscious behavior patterns in his book Best Self, offering practical strategies to align your actions with your authentic self. Through his innovative character-creation method, readers learn to identify and transform their automatic responses into intentional choices. Discover how personifying your behavioral patterns can unlock a new level of self-awareness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":141667,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[1748],"class_list":["post-141648","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-best-self","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nConscious and Unconscious Behaviors: The 2 Sides of Yourself - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Your conscious and unconscious behaviors shape who you are each day. 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