{"id":140287,"date":"2025-01-25T12:15:07","date_gmt":"2025-01-25T16:15:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=140287"},"modified":"2026-04-28T14:28:11","modified_gmt":"2026-04-28T18:28:11","slug":"science-of-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"The Science of Grief: How Death Affects the Brain\u2019s Maps"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What happens in your brain when someone you love dies? How does your brain process and adapt to loss?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>The Grieving Brain<\/em>, psychologist Mary-Frances O&#8217;Connor explores how our brains create maps to track loved ones and what happens when death disrupts these mental maps. Her research reveals why grief takes time and how our brains gradually adjust to the permanent absence of someone we love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to explore the fascinating\u2014and insightful\u2014science of grief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-science-of-grief\">The Science of Grief<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>To begin her discussion of the science of grief, O\u2019Connor addresses grief&#8217;s evolutionary origin. She asserts that our brains have evolved to keep track of our loved ones. <strong>In order to do this, we create neural \u201cmaps\u201d to understand where they are in relation to us.<\/strong> These are virtual representations of our surroundings that make it easier for us to navigate through the world. For example, you don\u2019t have to relearn the layout of your office every day you go to work\u2014that would be energy- and time-consuming and would make it harder for you to function in that space. Instead, your brain builds a map of that space, and you use this map every time you go to the office to navigate through what you know\u2014or expect\u2014will be there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: You can take advantage of the brain\u2019s mapping system to enhance your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/importance-of-memory-in-learning\/\">learning and memory<\/a>. Experts note that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/memory-medic\/202007\/learning-and-memory-course-concept-maps\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the part of the brain responsible for this mapping also forms long-term memories<\/a>. Because of this, creating visual concept maps of information you\u2019re trying to learn or remember taps into this system and improves your retention of the information. Consider creating hand-drawn or computer-generated concept maps when you\u2019re trying to memorize new information, using images in place of lots of text.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to O\u2019Connor, the brain\u2019s mapping system evolved first to help creatures find food, but it later adapted to tracking social connections and loved ones. <strong>Beginning in infancy, our brains form attachment bonds to our caregivers, and we learn that they will be there for us when we look for them.<\/strong> If they\u2019re not there, we know that they\u2019ll soon return. This expectation becomes hardwired into our brains, and as we form attachments with other people, they come to occupy spaces in our neural maps. The brain identifies a pattern (for example, coming home from work and seeing your spouse) and makes predictions based on that pattern (\u201cWhen I come home from work, I\u2019ll see my spouse\u201d).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This mapping system is important because without it, we wouldn\u2019t be able to understand that our loved ones will return if they\u2019re not currently here. To illustrate, O\u2019Connor describes how pair-bonded Emperor penguins must spend months incubating their eggs while their partner goes to find food. If the incubating penguin believed their partner wouldn\u2019t return, they\u2019d have to go find their own food, leaving the egg to die. The maps in the penguin\u2019s brain allow it to wait for the return of its partner. They served the same function for evolving humans\u2014without these maps, if our caregiver or mate left to get food for us, we\u2019d assume they\u2019d be gone forever and wouldn\u2019t wait for their return. We\u2019d be unable to function the way we need to in their absence.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Just as humans experience grief when a loss disrupts their maps, Emperor penguins also appear to grieve after a loss, as evidenced by a video of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ntIBAzO3xV8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">an Emperor penguin seemingly mourning her lost chick<\/a>. Other animals as well, including elephants, magpies, wolves, and llamas, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/au\/blog\/animal-emotions\/200910\/grief-in-animals-its-arrogant-think-were-the-only-animals-who-mourn\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">appear to demonstrate sadness<\/a>, engage in mourning rituals, and seek comfort from each other after a loss. In some cases, they may even die of a broken heart after a loss.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/attachment-psychology\/\">Attachment Theory<\/a> and Styles<\/strong><br><br>The way our attachment needs are met in early childhood can affect how we form attachments to others. According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/what-is-attachment-theory-2795337\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">attachment theory<\/a>, developed by John Bowlby and expanded upon by Mary Ainsworth, infants attach to their caregivers differently depending on the availability of the caregiver and the quality of care they receive. This gives rise to four <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/attachment-patterns-in-psychology\/\">attachment styles<\/a>: ambivalent attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, and secure attachment. Differences in these styles can be seen in how the child reacts to the caregiver\u2019s absence.<br><br><strong>Anxiously attached<\/strong> (also known as ambivalently attached) children become very distressed in the caregiver\u2019s absence. This style may result from a lack of consistent attention from the caregiver, leading the child to learn that they can\u2019t depend on them.<br><br><strong>Avoidantly attached<\/strong> children don\u2019t show a preference for their caregiver over a stranger. This style may be the result of neglect or abuse that teaches the child not to seek help from their caregiver.<br><br>In <strong>disorganized attachment<\/strong>, the child demonstrates a mix of responses to the caregiver\u2019s absence, often seeming confused or disoriented. This may result from inconsistency in caregiving, in which the child associates both fear and comfort with the caregiver.<br><br><strong>Securely attached<\/strong> children become distressed in the caregiver\u2019s absence and show joy upon their return. This style is the most common and is the result of children feeling like their caregiver is a consistent source of comfort.<br><br>Attachment theory suggests that the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/insecure-attachment-in-relationships\/\">attachment style<\/a> a child develops in infancy can continue to affect how they attach to other people later in life. However, your attachment style may not be set in stone: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/attachment-therapy-definition-techniques-and-efficacy-5203776\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Attachment-based therapy<\/a> can help you develop a more <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/secure-attachment-relationship\/\">secure attachment style<\/a> and cultivate more <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/meaningful-relationships-ray-dalio\/\">meaningful relationships<\/a> with others. Your attachment style may impact how you experience grief.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-death-affects-the-brain-s-maps\">How Death Affects the Brain\u2019s Maps<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>According to O\u2019Connor, <strong>death presents a unique challenge to this mapping system because it requires us to comprehend that someone no longer exists in time or space<\/strong>\u2014a concept that doesn\u2019t fit with our brain\u2019s basic operating principles. Just as it would be incomprehensible to wake up and find that water no longer exists, our brains struggle to process the permanent absence of someone who was integral to our mental map of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is why grief healing takes time: <strong>It\u2019s not about the passage of time itself, but about accumulating new experiences that gradually update our brain\u2019s predictions and maps.<\/strong> Each day without the person provides new data that slowly helps our brain adapt its expectations. This learning happens automatically, regardless of our conscious intention, which is why going about daily life\u2014even without actively \u201cgrieving\u201d\u2014contributes to the healing process. In the same way that you can\u2019t jump from learning the basics of a new language to immediately being fluent, this learning process of grief healing can\u2019t be rushed.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>The Role of Neuroplasticity in Grieving<\/strong><br><br>The reason the brain is able to adjust in the way O\u2019Connor describes is thanks to <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/science\/what-is-neuroplasticity-and-how-does-it-work\/\">neuroplasticity<\/a><\/em>. Neuroplasticity refers to the brain\u2019s ability to change its structure and function in response to stimuli. The brain does this by creating new connections between neurons or even creating new neurons entirely (neurogenesis). An important concept in the study of neuroplasticity is Hebbian theory, which states that <a href=\"https:\/\/thedecisionlab.com\/reference-guide\/neuroscience\/hebbian-learning\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the more you use a certain neural pathway (for example, by doing a certain task or recalling a certain memory), the stronger that pathway becomes<\/a>.<br><br>In relation to neural maps, this means that, immediately following a loss, the pathways involved in tracking your loved one in space and time are very strong, having been built up and strengthened throughout the course of your relationship with that person. However, each new stimulus related to that person\u2019s absence\u2014each reminder that they\u2019re not there\u2014weakens those previous pathways and strengthens new ones that contribute to understanding that that person is gone. So as you grieve and come to terms with your loss, it\u2019s not just your thoughts that are changing; it\u2019s also the physical <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-is-the-brain-structured\/\">structure of your brain<\/a> itself.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What happens in your brain when someone you love dies? How does your brain process and adapt to loss? In The Grieving Brain, psychologist Mary-Frances O&#8217;Connor explores how our brains create maps to track loved ones and what happens when death disrupts these mental maps. Her research reveals why grief takes time and how our brains gradually adjust to the permanent absence of someone we love. Read on to explore the fascinating\u2014and insightful\u2014science of grief.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":140294,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,160],"tags":[1730],"class_list":["post-140287","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-science","tag-the-grieving-brain","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Science of Grief: How Death Affects the Brain\u2019s Maps - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Our brains create maps to track loved ones; death disrupts these maps. Learn about the fascinating\u2014and insightful\u2014science of grief.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Science of Grief: How Death Affects the Brain\u2019s Maps\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Our brains create maps to track loved ones; death disrupts these maps. Learn about the fascinating\u2014and insightful\u2014science of grief.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-01-25T16:15:07+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-04-28T18:28:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/grieving-man-with-brain-highlighted.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1015\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"569\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Elizabeth Whitworth\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13\"},\"headline\":\"The Science of Grief: How Death Affects the Brain\u2019s Maps\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-01-25T16:15:07+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-04-28T18:28:11+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/\"},\"wordCount\":1347,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/grieving-man-with-brain-highlighted.webp\",\"keywords\":[\"The Grieving Brain\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Science\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/\",\"name\":\"The Science of Grief: How Death Affects the Brain\u2019s Maps - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/science-of-grief\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/01\/grieving-man-with-brain-highlighted.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2025-01-25T16:15:07+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-04-28T18:28:11+00:00\",\"description\":\"Our brains create maps to track loved ones; death disrupts these maps. 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