What if the goals you’re chasing aren’t actually making you happy? How can you set goals that align with your deepest desires and lead to genuine fulfillment?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In her book The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals With Soul<\/a><\/em><\/em>, Danielle LaPorte reveals a new approach to goal-setting that focuses on how you want to feel rather than what you want to achieve. She helps you discover your core desired feelings<\/a> and use them as guideposts for making decisions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Read on for an overview of this book that can help you tap into the wisdom of your emotions as your internal compass for creating a more fulfilling life<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n If you struggle to achieve your goals<\/a>, or still feel unhappy after achieving them, it might be because those were never the right goals for you. In her book The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals With Soul<\/em><\/a>, Danielle LaPorte says people pursue the wrong goals<\/a> because they think too much about what they want to do<\/em> when they should instead be focusing on how they want to feel. <\/em>She explains that, by using desire as a guide, you can set goals that will bring you genuine happiness and fulfillment.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n LaPorte<\/a> is an entrepreneur, self-help expert, and leadership consultant who has dedicated her life to helping people understand and harness their emotions. Her insights on emotions and goal-setting come from her personal experiences, extensive individual study, and decades of experience working with clients through her various coaching and consulting ventures. She published The Desire Map<\/em> in 2014, and its success brought LaPorte into the mainstream of the self-help industry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019ll begin this book overview by explaining LaPorte\u2019s definition of desire and why desire is crucial for making decisions and taking action. We\u2019ll then detail how you can use desire and other emotions to set goals that really matter to you, and then work toward those goals in enjoyable and fulfilling ways.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n LaPorte begins by saying that desire <\/em>is a powerful force that drives you toward personal discovery, growth, and achievement. This is because it pushes you to figure out how to get what will make you happy.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, if you desire the security of a well-paying job, you\u2019ll be driven to work hard and master a lucrative skill set. Alternatively, if you desire the joy of being in a relationship with a certain person, you\u2019ll naturally try to learn about that person\u2019s interests and work to connect with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We\u2019ll explain how desire can guide you to long-term fulfillment and happiness. We\u2019ll also discuss how peer pressure, and your own preconceived ideas, can drive you to chase things you don\u2019t actually desire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Many people believe that logic is the best basis for decisions because it\u2019s based on objective truths, while emotions are subjective. However, LaPorte says that your feelings, particularly the feeling of desire, are important supplements to logic in the decision-making<\/a> process. This is because desire acts as an internal compass, leading you toward things that will make you happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The author clarifies that this internal compass works only with deep-seated, consistent desires.<\/strong> For example, many people have a deep-seated, consistent desire to feel useful, like they\u2019re doing important work and making a positive impact on the world. If you come home from work every day with that sought-after sense of usefulness and importance, then your feelings are saying that your job is a good fit for you. If you don\u2019t <\/em>feel fulfilled by your job, your internal compass will point you elsewhere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Notably, says LaPorte, deep-seated, consistent desires are different from shallow wants that change day by day<\/strong>. Pursuing those shallow whims will only leave you frustrated and dissatisfied<\/strong> because you\u2019ll keep getting things you think you want, only to find that you never really desired those things at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Continuing the example, suppose you see that a leadership position has opened up at your workplace. You would most likely feel a strong urge to apply for that higher position\u2014perhaps because it pays more or is more illustrious than your current role. Imagine that upon getting the promotion, you find that you\u2019re only happy for a short time, and management work doesn\u2019t provide the sense of satisfaction you had before in a more hands-on role. Now, your feelings are telling you that you gave up the job you truly desired for a new position that you thought <\/em>you desired but is less suitable to your personal goals and interests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just as positive feelings help guide you toward what you truly want, says LaPorte, negative feelings tell you that what you\u2019re doing isn\u2019t aligned with who you are<\/a>. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Many people view negative feelings like sadness or frustration as problems to be solved. They might run from such feelings by immersing themselves in a hobby, suppressing them with alcohol or other drugs, or simply ignoring them and pretending they don\u2019t exist. However, LaPorte argues that feeling bad isn\u2019t a problem in and of itself. Instead, it\u2019s a sign that there\u2019s some deeper problem with your life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n With that said, remember that your surface-level emotions will shift with your circumstances, and only the feelings that remain steady over time will guide you accurately.<\/strong> So, for example, feeling frustrated after a difficult shift at work isn\u2019t necessarily a warning that you\u2019re in the wrong job\u2014it could just mean that you had a bad day. On the other hand, if you find yourself going to the bar every day after work to forget about how much you hate your job<\/a>, that\u2019s a clear sign that something needs to change.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Following your desires can lead you to long-term happiness and life satisfaction, but LaPorte cautions you to first make sure that they\u2019re really your <\/em>desires. This warning is needed because many people find themselves pursuing goals that others have chosen for them.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, someone might follow their parents\u2019 wishes by becoming a doctor, then feel unhappy in that role. This person is dissatisfied because they devoted their life to fulfilling someone else\u2019s <\/em>desire. LaPorte offers some guidance on how to make sure that you\u2019re really pursuing your own desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your own assumptions and expectations about your desires can also cloud your judgment, says LaPorte. <\/strong>These preconceived notions may <\/strong>lead you to chase things you don’t genuinely want or dismiss opportunities for real fulfillment. <\/strong>For example, you might know that you desire a career offering both creativity and stability, but you expect it to take the form of a high-powered business leadership role. Then you discover a love for, say, event planning\u2014it fulfills your desires, but it isn\u2019t the prestigious corporate role you imagined. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In this example, your preconceived ideas of what will make you happy (a high-paying, high-profile job) are at odds with the feelings telling you that event planning makes you genuinely happy. If you ever find yourself in a similar situation, LaPorte urges you to dismiss your previous assumptions and, as the saying goes, \u201cfollow your heart.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can use desire and your other feelings to set long-term goals that are in line with who you are and what you really want out of life. LaPorte says that most people approach goal-setting with the wrong perspective: They specify things they want to do, believing that achieving those goals will make them feel certain ways. For example, someone might set the goal of becoming a millionaire because they expect wealth to make them feel safe and secure. The problem with this approach is that, even if the person is correct about wealth giving them the desired feeling of safety, they\u2019re likely to be unhappy throughout the long process of building that wealth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Therefore, LaPorte argues that you should set goals regarding how you want to <\/strong>feel<\/em><\/strong>, not specific things you want to achieve. <\/strong>By taking this approach you\u2019ll ensure that you feel good while pursuing your goals<\/a>, not just after you achieve them. Furthermore, because you\u2019re acting in ways that align with your genuine interests and personality, you\u2019re likely to find that you\u2019re more <\/em>successful than you were while pursuing goals based on traditional metrics of \u201csuccess.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now, we\u2019ll discuss LaPorte\u2019s advice for getting in touch with your feelings so you know what you really desire, setting specific goals based on those desires, pursuing those goals effectively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n LaPorte says that you should set goals that reflect who you are and fulfill your deep-seated desires, but you may find that you don\u2019t really know <\/em>who you are and what you want. Therefore, the first step in this process is to conduct a thorough examination of yourself. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n LaPorte offers a series of questions that help get you into a reflective mindset and connect with your deepest feelings and desires. She encourages you to answer each question with a sentence or two. A few of these questions include: <\/p>\n\n\n\n LaPorte adds that recognizing and connecting with your innermost feelings is an everyday practice, not just something you do once and then forget about. She encourages developing emotional literacy through various means like art, music, and literature\u2014indulge in experiences that evoke strong feelings inside of you, and pay attention to what those feelings are.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n You can also learn more about emotions through your interactions with other people. Those experiences not only give you the opportunity to reflect on your own feelings but to study other people\u2019s emotional responses as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Recall that your feelings, whether positive or negative, give you important feedback about the situations you find yourself in and the actions you take. Therefore, LaPorte urges you to pay continual special attention to the things that make you feel grateful as you go through your daily life\u2014like your family and friends, your job, your hobbies, your health, and so on. Anything that you feel grateful for is fulfilling some deep-seated desire, even if you aren\u2019t yet sure what that desire is. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n You should also pay attention to what brings up feelings of frustration, dread, or boredom. LaPorte says such feelings are signs that some part of your life isn\u2019t aligned with your true desires<\/a>. It\u2019s not always possible to change those parts of your life right away\u2014for example, even if you dread going to work, you\u2019re most likely not in a position to simply quit without first lining up a new source of income\u2014but this is still important information that warrants further consideration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After asking yourself a few questions to get into a self-reflective mindset, the next step is to determine how you want to feel. In other words, <\/strong>what emotions do you most desire to experience?<\/p>\n\n\n\nThe Desire Map<\/em> Book Overview<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Desire Pushes You Toward Happiness and Growth<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Why You Should Trust Your Feelings<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Unpleasant Feelings Are Also Important Guides<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Peer Pressure and Your Assumptions Will Mislead You<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Using Deep-Seated Desires to Set Goals<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Step 1: Connect With Your Feelings<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
\n
Self-Connection and Self-Reflection Are Ongoing Processes<\/h5>\n\n\n\n
Step 2: Think About How You Want to Feel<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n