{"id":137081,"date":"2024-12-03T14:11:16","date_gmt":"2024-12-03T18:11:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=137081"},"modified":"2024-12-04T16:18:12","modified_gmt":"2024-12-04T20:18:12","slug":"where-does-self-esteem-come-from","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/where-does-self-esteem-come-from\/","title":{"rendered":"Where Does Self-Esteem Come From? 3 Influencing Factors"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Where does self-esteem come from? How much control do you have over your confidence levels?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Self-esteem stems from three main sources: your genetic makeup, your past behaviors, and other people’s opinions<\/a>. Experts including Katty Kay, Claire Shipman, and Nathaniel Branden reveal fascinating insights about how these factors work together to build or diminish your sense of self-worth<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to discover the science behind self-esteem and learn how much power you have to change it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Where Self-Esteem Comes From<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Where does self-esteem come from? Let’s explore three factors that influence your self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Factor #1: G<\/strong>enetics<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

First, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman (The Confidence Code<\/em><\/a>) note that there\u2019s a significant genetic factor at play. It\u2019s scientifically accepted that five main personality traits\u2014agreeableness, neuroticism, conscientiousness, extroversion, and openness\u2014make up around 50% of our personalities<\/a>. Confidence (or healthy self-esteem) and optimism are related to these traits, and scientists estimate that 25-50% of our confidence comes from our genes.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That said, Kay and Shipman emphasize that confidence isn\u2019t a fixed trait<\/a>\u2014you have to build it. Psychologists believe that your choices and determination account for 50% of the confidence you develop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Factor #2: Your Past Actions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

In The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem<\/em><\/a>, Nathaniel Branden contends that your self-esteem is<\/a> based on your opinion of your past actions. More specifically, your self-esteem both <\/strong>drives and depends on your behavior in a never-ending cycle<\/strong><\/a>: Your actions align with your expectations of yourself, which are reinforced by the consequences of those actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since you control your behavior, your choices inevitably affect your self-esteem:<\/strong> You can\u2019t avoid feeling some way about how you choose to behave, and those feelings affect your opinion of yourself. As such, self-esteem can\u2019t be divorced from your behavior; you\u2019ll naturally trust in your own capability and worthiness when you act in ways that support these ideas. That said, self-esteem depends on the pattern<\/em> of choices you tend to make\u2014not a single choice. Self-esteem isn\u2019t something you achieve once; you work on it throughout your life as it fluctuates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Factor #3: The Opinions of Others<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Finally, experts generally agree that the opinions of others<\/em> have an outsized effect on your self-esteem\u2014especially for those with low self-esteem<\/a>.<\/strong> In Transcend<\/em><\/a>, Scott Barry Kaufman states that because we\u2019re a social species, our self-value is largely determined by the perception of our value within a community<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Self-Compassion<\/em><\/a>, psychologist Kristin Neff elaborates, asserting that humans have a primal need to fit into hierarchical social groups<\/a>, which keep us safe and provide resources like protection and food. We try to gain acceptance into these groups by either showing that we\u2019re successful (likable and worthy of inclusion) or submissive (willing to do whatever it takes to be included). As a result, we constantly compare ourselves to others<\/a> to demonstrate either our dominance over or our submissiveness toward others in the group. Because of these instincts, many people spend their lives criticizing and judging themselves by the standards of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In particular, the opinions of a child\u2019s primary caregivers have a powerful influence on their self-esteem.<\/strong> In Procrastination<\/em><\/a>, Jane Burka and Lenora Yuen explain that neglectful families harm their children\u2019s self-esteem<\/a> by depriving them of care or conveying that they\u2019re inferior. Because these children believe they\u2019re unworthy of care, they also believe they\u2019re unworthy or incapable of success. Similarly, high-pressure families make children feel like they need to earn love by being perfect. As a result, these children develop low self-esteem and learn to fear both imperfection and losing love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a larger scale, the opinions of a prevailing culture can negatively influence the self-esteem of marginalized groups.<\/strong> Kay and Shipman note that when there\u2019s a stereotype associated with a marginalized group, members of the group feel pressure to embody the stereotype<\/a>. For instance, there are many stereotypes associated with women that reduce confidence, like the stereotype that women are bad at math.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exercise: Confront Your Sources of Low Self-Esteem<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

If you have low self-esteem, you may be repressing negative emotions, struggling to embody someone else\u2019s idea of perfection, and procrastinating on pursuing goals<\/a> that are meaningful to you. In this exercise, make a plan to confront these bad habits and consciously take healthier actions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \n
  1. Describe something in your recent past that you feel like you should\u2019ve done better\u2014something that makes you feel guilty or inadequate. Express how this makes you feel, trying your best to embrace and process negative emotions<\/a> rather than push them away.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. Who, if anyone, are you trying to impress or live up to by accomplishing this task perfectly? Replace this role model<\/a> with someone who better represents your<\/em> values: Imagine the ideal version of yourself and describe how they differ from the image of success you\u2019ve been chasing.<\/li>\n\n\n\n
  3. Come up with a meaningful goal you can accomplish within the next two days that will help you prove to yourself that you\u2019re capable\u2014that there\u2019s no need to cling to any feelings of guilt or inadequacy you described above. To help you live more authentically, make sure this goal is something that you truly believe is a valuable use of your time. Describe how you imagine you\u2019ll feel after achieving this goal, and outline the steps you\u2019ll take in the next two days to make that outcome a reality.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Where does self-esteem come from? How much control do you have over your confidence levels? Self-esteem stems from three main sources: your genetic makeup, your past behaviors, and other people’s opinions. Experts including Katty Kay, Claire Shipman, and Nathaniel Branden reveal fascinating insights about how these factors work together to build or diminish your sense of self-worth. Keep reading to discover the science behind self-esteem and learn how much power you have to change it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":137112,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[1684],"class_list":["post-137081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-master-guides-raise-your-self-esteem","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nWhere Does Self-Esteem Come From? 3 Influencing Factors - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Self-esteem comes from three main sources. 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