{"id":135438,"date":"2024-11-12T16:38:45","date_gmt":"2024-11-12T20:38:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=135438"},"modified":"2025-12-06T19:19:55","modified_gmt":"2025-12-06T23:19:55","slug":"how-to-improve-conversational-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-improve-conversational-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Improve Conversational Skills &amp; Connect With People"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you struggle to carry conversations? What types of skills do you need to enliven a discussion with someone?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>David Brooks says that you can have compelling, enriching conversations even with people you\u2019re still getting to know. That\u2019s especially true if you make a point of cultivating your conversational skills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Check out how to improve conversational skills so you can have rich discussions with people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-engage-and-improve-your-conversational-skills\">Engage and Improve Your Conversational Skills<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>To turn everyday encounters into a chance to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/getting-to-know-someone\/\">get to know someone<\/a> better, you have to hone your ability to listen. Brooks explains that <strong>we often fail to really listen to one another<\/strong>, but that\u2019s a bad habit you can break with a little bit of work.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Researchers agree with Brooks that we\u2019re not great at listening to each other. In one study, people only <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/play-your-way-sane\/202108\/were-worse-at-listening-than-we-realize\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">retained about half of what others said<\/a>, despite 96% of study participants seeing themselves as good listeners. This significant gap between perceived and actual listening skills is common\u2014but fixable. Some communication experts suggest that you can become a more effective listener by tuning out distractions and focusing entirely on your conversation partner\u2019s words, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a>, and subtle cues. You can also watch out for common barriers to good listening, like the tendency to start thinking about what to say next, to make assumptions, or to get distracted.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brooks recommends <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-improve-active-listening\/\">using active listening<\/a> techniques<\/strong> as one way to learn how to improve conversational skills\u2014and to signal to them that you\u2019re really <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a>. By <strong>paraphrasing or summarizing<\/strong> your understanding of what you\u2019re hearing as the other person speaks, you can check in with them and make sure you\u2019re on the same page with them. You can also use <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nonverbal-cues\/\">nonverbal cues<\/a><\/strong>\u2014like maintaining eye contact, leaning in when the other person speaks, and nodding your head\u2014to show them how engaged you are. If they feel confident that you\u2019re really listening, that can help them feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and their perspective with you.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even conversations about mundane topics offer you a chance to connect with someone, according to Brooks. If you can make people feel valued when you\u2019re talking about the traffic in your neighborhood or comparing notes on the movie you both saw over the weekend, you\u2019re well on your way to building a meaningful relationship with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: While Brooks advocates for active listening, some communication experts are less enthusiastic about these techniques. They say methods like paraphrasing and using \u201cI\u201d statements can <a href=\"https:\/\/medium.com\/@douglasenoll\/why-active-listening-does-not-work-and-what-really-does-work-42e5ef6b2ba8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">hinder genuine connection<\/a>. Instead, you might try <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/reflective-listening\/\">reflective listening<\/a>, using \u201cyou\u201d statements to reflect what you\u2019re hearing back to the speaker\u2014like, \u201cYou\u2019re saying you weren\u2019t expecting your coworker to call you into that meeting today.\u201d You can also try <em>affect <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/negative-labels\/\">labeling<\/a><\/em> (naming the speaker&#8217;s emotion to help them feel understood)\u2014like, \u201cYou\u2019re feeling frustrated your coworker sprung this on you.\u201d Experts say these skills might be more powerful tools for improving communication than the active listening techniques Brooks recommends.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you struggle to carry conversations? What types of skills do you need to enliven a discussion with someone? David Brooks says that you can have compelling, enriching conversations even with people you\u2019re still getting to know. That\u2019s especially true if you make a point of cultivating your conversational skills. Check out how to improve conversational skills so you can have rich discussions with people.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":135580,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,43],"tags":[1662],"class_list":["post-135438","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-how-to-know-a-person","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Improve Conversational Skills &amp; Connect With People - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Conversations don&#039;t come easy to everyone. 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