{"id":135436,"date":"2024-11-13T16:30:46","date_gmt":"2024-11-13T20:30:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=135436"},"modified":"2024-11-20T17:03:06","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T21:03:06","slug":"how-to-make-someone-feel-seen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-make-someone-feel-seen\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Make Someone Feel Seen and Truly Heard"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you want to make people feel seen? How can you appear interested in what people are sharing with you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>David Brooks explains that it\u2019s crucial to interact with others in ways that show them you appreciate them and want to understand them. This involves several skills you can practice every day, such as being open to what people share with you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here\u2019s how Brooks recommends learning how to make someone feel seen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-open-yourself-up-to-what-people-share-with-you\">1. Open Yourself Up to What People Share With You<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>To know how to make someone feel seen, you first have to <strong>make it clear that you want to get to know them<\/strong>. Brooks says you can do this by opening yourself up to others\u2019 ideas, experiences, and perspectives. Make a point of listening closely when they share with you: They\u2019ll realize you\u2019re open to what they\u2019d like to share if you\u2019re generous as a listener when they tell you about themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The goal isn\u2019t just to listen for the sake of it. Instead, it\u2019s to develop a respectful understanding of a person\u2019s contradictions, uncertainty, and struggles. Only by opening yourself up to what people share with you can you witness the dignity with which they handle the challenges they encounter in their life.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Psychologists agree with Brooks that being open to what others share is an important part of making sure they know you value them. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Platonic-Science-Attachment-Make-Keep-Friends\/dp\/0593331893\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Platonic<\/em><\/a>, Marisa Franco explains that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2022\/09\/01\/1120550646\/how-to-show-your-friends-you-love-them-according-to-a-friendship-expert\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">expressing your appreciation for others<\/a> is crucial for strengthening your bonds with them, even if it feels awkward at first. Simple acts like telling a friend you&#8217;re grateful for them or complimenting their achievements can make a big difference. Franco also suggests that being generous with your unique skills is a great way to show other people you value them. Plus, opening up about your own struggles, joys, and even guilty pleasures can deepen your friendships, as vulnerability tends to be met with acceptance more often than we expect.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-be-present-with-people-through-everyday-experiences\">2. Be Present With People Through Everyday Experiences<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>A second way to show people you see and value them is to <strong>be present in the moments you share with them each day<\/strong>, even when you\u2019re doing something routine. Brooks notes that you probably spend most of your time doing the mundane things that make up everyday life: collaborating on projects with your coworkers, cooking dinner with your partner, driving to school with your kids, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-strike-up-a-conversation\/\">striking up a conversation<\/a> with the neighbors, and so on. He recommends learning to see these moments as chances to engage with the people you share them with: to bring your whole self to those moments and to enjoy seeing how others navigate their lives.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brooks explains that when you do something with another person, like writing code together or looking at the same painting, you\u2019re often side-by-side with them\u2014but you may see things differently from your seemingly similar vantage points. Focusing on something together is an opportunity to see their unique perspective.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Brooks&#8217;s advice on being present in everyday moments aligns with the Zen Buddhist emphasis on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/living-in-the-present-moment\/\">living in the present moment<\/a>. Zen Buddhists, like Alan Watts (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-way-of-zen\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Way of Zen<\/em><\/a>), view life as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/commentisfree\/belief\/2012\/sep\/21\/zen-buddhism-lessons\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">existing only in the present<\/a>. They believe our tendency to dwell on the past or future often prevents us from experiencing the richness of the present moment. To them, life has no inherent meaning beyond the experience itself. So by fully engaging in the kinds of activities that Brooks points out we often do with others, you might gain a deeper appreciation for the transient nature of existence and the interconnectedness of all things)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-engage-and-improve-your-conversational-skills\">3. Engage and Improve Your Conversational Skills<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>A third crucial tool for helping others feel understood is simply to <strong>engage them in a great conversation<\/strong>. Brooks explains that you can have compelling, enriching conversations even with people you\u2019re still getting to know. That\u2019s especially true if you make a point of cultivating your conversational skills. To turn everyday encounters into a chance to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/getting-to-know-someone\/\">get to know someone<\/a> better, you have to hone your ability to listen. Brooks explains that <strong>we often fail to really listen to one another<\/strong>, but that\u2019s a bad habit you can break with a little bit of work.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brooks recommends <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-improve-active-listening\/\">using active listening<\/a> techniques<\/strong> to engage with what the other person says\u2014and to signal to them that you\u2019re really <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a>. By <strong>paraphrasing or summarizing<\/strong> your understanding of what you\u2019re hearing as the other person speaks, you can check in with them and make sure you\u2019re on the same page with them. You can also use <strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nonverbal-cues\/\">nonverbal cues<\/a><\/strong>\u2014like maintaining eye contact, leaning in when the other person speaks, and nodding your head\u2014to show them how engaged you are. If they feel confident that you\u2019re really listening, that can help them feel more comfortable sharing their thoughts and their perspective with you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even conversations about mundane topics offer you a chance to connect with someone, according to Brooks. If you can make people feel valued when you\u2019re talking about the traffic in your neighborhood or comparing notes on the movie you both saw over the weekend, you\u2019re well on your way to building a meaningful relationship with them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you want to make people feel seen? How can you appear interested in what people are sharing with you? David Brooks explains that it\u2019s crucial to interact with others in ways that show them you appreciate them and want to understand them. This involves several skills you can practice every day, such as being open to what people share with you. Here\u2019s how Brooks recommends learning how to make someone feel seen.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":135575,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12,43],"tags":[1662],"class_list":["post-135436","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-how-to-know-a-person","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Make Someone Feel Seen and Truly Heard - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Even if they don&#039;t act like it, most people just want to be heard by people who care. 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