{"id":135432,"date":"2024-11-15T16:50:04","date_gmt":"2024-11-15T20:50:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=135432"},"modified":"2024-11-20T17:03:11","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T21:03:11","slug":"getting-to-know-someone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/getting-to-know-someone\/","title":{"rendered":"The 2 Biggest Reasons Why You Should Get to Know Someone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why is getting to know someone so vital to our well-being? How can you improve your moral character and society at the same time?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to David Brooks, there are two reasons why getting know people is important. Knowing other people is a moral act that helps us develop our character as individuals, and it\u2019s also a social act that can help us reverse negative changes in the modern world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let’s take a closer look at both of these ideas.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How We Treat Others Defines Our Moral Character<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

First, Brooks considers the effort of getting to know someone a fundamentally moral act<\/strong>. He characterizes the time, attention, and skill you put into seeing and understanding other people<\/a> as an indicator of the kind of person you are. Morality consists of the small things you do every day, according to Brooks. So he believes we should be present with other people, make an effort to understand them in the context of their lives, and strive to always treat them well.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Essayist Annie Dillard famously observed that \u201chow we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives<\/a>\u201d\u2014a view that echoes Brooks\u2019s emphasis on the daily choice to be present with others. Dillard suggests that our routines reflect our values and define our lives\u2019 meaning. Individual days might not always seem significant, but the cumulative impact of our consistent choices over time truly matters. Dillard\u2019s perspective suggests that focusing on meaningful interactions and pursuits, rather than fleeting pleasures, can lead to a more fulfilling existence. This may highlight why Brooks views the effort to understand others as a fundamental aspect of living a good life<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When explaining the moral importance of knowing others, Brooks notes that the goal isn\u2019t just to <\/strong>understand<\/em><\/strong> them, but to <\/strong>be understanding<\/em><\/strong> of what they\u2019re going through<\/strong>. Brooks explains that to understand<\/em> someone is to grasp what they\u2019re thinking or feeling. But to be<\/em> understanding<\/em> of someone means going a step further: offering empathy, acceptance, and consideration for what they\u2019re experiencing in the present moment. He explains that according to philosopher Iris Murdoch, extending this kind of understanding and empathy to others is a crucial moral task<\/strong> because the tone of our interactions with each other in these everyday moments forms the substance of our character.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: As Brooks explains, Murdoch believed that understanding another person requires going beyond mere intellectual comprehension<\/a>. This deeper form of understanding requires humility, vulnerability, and loving attention to others<\/a>. It also involves acknowledging how difficult it is to fully grasp another person\u2019s experiences and resisting the tendency to project our own views onto them. In The Sovereignty of Good<\/em><\/a>, Murdoch compares the process of developing this understanding to learning a new language: Both require patient and respectful attention to perspectives that might feel foreign to you\u2014and opening yourself up to being changed by other people\u2019s experiences.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Knowing Each Other Can Help Us Build a Better Society<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In addition to seeing the work of getting to know other people as a moral act, Brooks characterizes it as a profoundly social act<\/strong>. He explains that knowing other people can help us repair some of the problems that drive people apart. And when we strengthen our relationships as individuals, that can help us reinforce our society as a whole. Brooks emphasizes that it\u2019s imperative to our survival to fix the problem of <\/strong>not<\/em><\/strong> relating to each other<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you look around, you can see that many people struggle with a sense of loneliness, isolation, and distrust of other people<\/strong>. This can lead to bitterness, animosity, and even violence. Brooks contends that divisions over differences in race, ideology, and socioeconomic background\u2014along with a lack of understanding and empathy for those differences\u2014wear away at the fabric of our communities. When we\u2019re unable to relate to each other or communicate effectively, we create a culture of hostility and dehumanization. This hurts our ability to work toward common goals and to exercise the trust and respect we need to maintain a healthy, functioning society.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Brooks\u2019 assertion that many Americans feel lonely and distrustful of others is backed by research. Approximately 60% of Americans<\/a> report feeling lonely on a regular basis\u2014a public health concern that potentially rivals the impact of obesity or diabetes. Research also suggests that lonely people may be less trusting<\/a> of others, as demonstrated in experiments where lonely study participants shared less money in trust-based games and showed reduced brain activity related to trust formation. Researchers think the relationship between loneliness and distrust might be bidirectional: Low trust can potentially lead to loneliness, and loneliness can also cause people to view others as less trustworthy.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why is getting to know someone so vital to our well-being? How can you improve your moral character and society at the same time? According to David Brooks, there are two reasons why getting know people is important. Knowing other people is a moral act that helps us develop our character as individuals, and it\u2019s also a social act that can help us reverse negative changes in the modern world. Let’s take a closer look at both of these ideas.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":135571,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12,43],"tags":[1662],"class_list":["post-135432","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-how-to-know-a-person","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nThe 2 Biggest Reasons Why You Should Get to Know Someone - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Even learning about one person can change your life and others. 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