{"id":135331,"date":"2024-11-19T14:09:32","date_gmt":"2024-11-19T18:09:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=135331"},"modified":"2024-11-27T14:26:42","modified_gmt":"2024-11-27T18:26:42","slug":"learned-helplessness-in-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/learned-helplessness-in-children\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Prevent Learned Helplessness in Children"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Does your child see themself as a victim? How can you avoid instilling <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/seligman-learned-helplessness\/\">learned helplessness<\/a> in children?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a parent, if you indulge in your child&#8217;s self-pity then you&#8217;re instilling a victim mentality in them. Instead, help your child acknowledge their failures and work through them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here&#8217;s a look at how to raise self-confident children, from<em> 13 Things <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-does-mentally-strong-mean\/\">Mentally Strong<\/a> Parents Don\u2019t Do<\/em> by Amy Morin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-mentally-strong-parents-don-t-enable-victimhood\"><strong>Mentally Strong Parents Don\u2019t Enable Victimhood<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Children who don\u2019t yet have the skills to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-hardship\/\">cope with hardship<\/a> and discomfort often play the victim; they exaggerate their failures, overstate their pain, and insist that they can never succeed because the whole world is against them. Morin says that <strong>you shouldn\u2019t indulge that kind of self-pity because then your child might never grow out of their victim mentality<\/strong>\u2014psychologists refer to this mindset as <em>learned helplessness <\/em>in children<em>.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Therefore, the author recommends encouraging your kids to learn and grow from their struggles. For instance, you might help them figure out why things went badly and how they can avoid that problem in the future. You can also guide them toward positive, productive action to improve their situation. Then, instead of learning that they&#8217;re a helpless victim of an unfair world, your child will learn that they can always improve and try again.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>How Learned Helplessness Develops, and How to Overcome It<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/awaken-the-giant-within\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Awaken the Giant Within<\/em><\/a>, Tony Robbins\u2014drawing in part from <a href=\"https:\/\/positivepsychology.com\/learned-helplessness-seligman-theory-depression-cure\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the work of psychologist Martin Seligman<\/a>\u2014goes into more detail about what learned helplessness is and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/awaken-the-giant-within\/chapter-4#avoid-learned-helplessness-which-conditions-you-to-fail\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">how you can start to overcome it<\/a>.&nbsp;<br><br>In brief, Robbins says learned helplessness is a habit of over-generalizing mistakes and failures. He explains that people with this mindset have three key <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-break-negative-thought-patterns\/\">thought patterns<\/a>: They believe that problems are <em>permanent <\/em>(unsolvable), <em>pervasive <\/em>(affecting many areas of their lives), and <em>personal <\/em>(a sign that something is inherently wrong with them).&nbsp;<br><br>For example, if your child fails a history test, they might say something like \u201cI\u2019m bad at history.\u201d Such a statement generalizes that one failure into a personal weakness that can never be overcome; the child is really saying that they\u2019re inherently bad at history (<em>personal<\/em>), they will always be bad at history (<em>permanent<\/em>), and therefore they\u2019ll fail at anything that requires historical knowledge (<em>pervasive<\/em>).&nbsp;<br><br>However, Robbins also offers a simple way to start breaking out of a learned helplessness mindset: Identify a problem that you can solve right now\u2014any problem at all\u2014and then solve it. By doing so, you\u2019ll start to teach yourself that you\u2019re <em>not <\/em>helpless, and you <em>can <\/em>create positive changes. Therefore, if your child is slipping into a victimized mindset, help them to identify such a problem and let them fix it; you can then point out that they\u2019re clearly not as helpless as they think.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does your child see themself as a victim? How can you avoid instilling learned helplessness in children? As a parent, if you indulge in your child&#8217;s self-pity then you&#8217;re instilling a victim mentality in them. Instead, help your child acknowledge their failures and work through them. Here&#8217;s a look at how to raise self-confident children, from 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don\u2019t Do by Amy Morin.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":136381,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,9],"tags":[1660],"class_list":["post-135331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-psychology","tag-13-things-mentally-strong-parents-dont-do","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Prevent Learned Helplessness in Children - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Children who see themselves as victims develop learned helplessness. 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