{"id":134008,"date":"2024-10-20T10:10:47","date_gmt":"2024-10-20T14:10:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=134008"},"modified":"2026-01-21T17:05:05","modified_gmt":"2026-01-21T21:05:05","slug":"disadvantages-of-monogamy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/","title":{"rendered":"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What&#8217;s the real impact of choosing one partner for life? How does our biology align with society&#8217;s expectations about relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary challenges traditional views on marriage and partnership, offering fresh perspectives on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-human-connection\/\">human connection<\/a> and commitment. She believes that science and history reveal important insights about our natural capacity for lasting partnerships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading to learn about the disadvantages of monogamy and why non-monogamy resonates with some people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-disadvantages-of-monogamy\">The Disadvantages of Monogamy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Tsabary, the notions that society preaches about monogamy and the nature of relationships contradict human nature. She explains why she believes this, and she identifies what she believes are the disadvantages of monogamy. She also shares some beliefs about marriage that she thinks are detrimental.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Tsabary believes that human nature is tailored toward non-monogamy rather than monogamy, as society preaches<\/strong>. Tsabary claims that the different biopsychologies of men and women support this claim\u2014men are fertile all the time and can impregnate infinite women; therefore, their nature is to constantly seek partners to spread their genes. On the other hand, women are fertile only once a month and can produce a limited number of children, therefore they must be highly selective in their partner to ensure strong offspring\u2014but each child doesn\u2019t need to have the same father.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Further, says Tsabary, human tribal history shows that most communities were non-monogamous and that children were raised by the community rather than a mother-father unit<\/strong>. This allowed children to receive constant attention and care <em>without<\/em> a nuclear family. This community structure supported non-monogamy because it allowed adults to have relationships and children with multiple partners without negatively impacting child rearing and development.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ultimately, our biopsychology and history show that humans thrived in non-monogamous communities.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Evolutionary Psychology: A Case for and Against Monogamy<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/sex-at-dawn\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Sex at Dawn<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jeth\u00e1 reiterate Tsabary\u2019s claims in support of humans\u2019 non-monogamous nature. However, they add to the discussion by providing support for the \u201cstandard narrative\u201d as well\u2014the opposing claim that monogamy is actually our natural state.<br><br>Ryan and Jeth\u00e1 explain that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/sex-at-dawn#assumptions-of-the-standard-narrative\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the standard narrative is backed by two main assumptions.<\/a> First is the nature of men and women\u2019s reproductive goals. For example, women\u2019s libido is lower than men\u2019s, therefore sex is somewhat of a trade-off\u2014she provides exclusive sex to one partner in exchange for resources and protection (she doesn\u2019t have a desire for multiple partners). On the other hand, men are driven to have sex to spread their genes, but they\u2019re only driven to provide for children they know are theirs; therefore, monogamy allows them to ensure this goal is met.&nbsp;<br><br>The second assumption supporting the standard narrative is the difference in jealousy between men and women\u2014women get jealous when their partners are emotionally intimate with others while men get jealous when their partners are sexually intimate with others. This difference in jealousy supports the previous two theories\u2014men get jealous about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/physical-intimacy-in-a-relationship\/\">sexual intimacy<\/a> because it threatens their ability to ensure their offspring is their own, and women get jealous about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-intimacy-in-a-relationship\/\">emotional intimacy<\/a> because it risks the potential of their partner giving their resources and protection to another woman instead. This possessiveness supports the argument that we\u2019re meant to be monogamous.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>While Tsabary recognizes that non-monogamy isn\u2019t for everyone, she emphasizes that simply accepting the standards of monogamy without introspection can cause major problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>First, committing to one person for the rest of your life without question often causes both men and women to sabotage their happiness and fulfillment<\/strong>. Tsabary believes that it\u2019s highly unlikely for one person to fulfill all your mental, emotional, and sexual needs for the rest of your life. Therefore, monogamy often causes people to suffer with unfulfilled needs by denying them the opportunity to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/how-to-connect-with-people\/\">connect with people<\/a> who can meet those needs.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Numerous studies support Tsabary\u2019s claim, finding that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/traversmark\/2024\/06\/08\/why-are-non-monogamous-relationships-thriving-a-psychologist-answers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">consensually non-monogamous couples tend to rank higher in relationship satisfaction and commitment<\/a>. One study from 2020 also reported that 42% of non-monogamous individuals believed that the diversity in their relationships allowed them to fulfill a wider variety of their needs, as Tsabary theorizes would be the case.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Meeting these needs is important, explains Tsabary, because they\u2019ll lead to a point of breakdown if they go unmet for long enough<\/strong>. For example, we may begin to resent our partner who\u2019s unable to provide the emotional support we need. Or, we deceive our partner by fulfilling sexual needs they don\u2019t meet outside the relationship without their consent. Whether we want to or not, our <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/subconscious-brain\/\">subconscious mind<\/a> will drive us to meet our needs\u2014it\u2019s better to do so in a healthy way than in unsatisfactory ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Allowing your needs to go unmet has a variety of consequences. One outcome is entering an \u201cunmet needs affair,\u201d as Mira Kirshenbaum explains in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/When-Good-People-Have-Affairs\/dp\/0312563442\/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1480559337&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=when+good+people+have+affairs\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>When Good People Have Affairs<\/em><\/a><em>. <\/em>Kirshenbaum says that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ranchocounseling.com\/blog\/when-good-people-cheat-the-unmet-needs-affair\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">unmet needs affairs happen when one aspect of the relationship is lacking<\/a>, for example sex or intimacy, and the person feeling the lack becomes obsessed with the missing part and overlooks all the other ways in which the relationship works. However, it\u2019s important to note that having unmet needs isn\u2019t an excuse to cheat\u2014the unmet needs often cloud your vision and cause you to act counterproductively. In the following note, we\u2019ll discuss how to handle unmet needs in your relationship.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>This isn\u2019t to say you need to <\/strong><strong><em>leave<\/em><\/strong><strong> your primary partnership to satisfy your needs<\/strong>\u2014Tsabary believes you can explore other connections while maintaining a loving relationship with your primary partner. This is possible because, according to Tsabary, love and commitment are about much more than sex\u2014they\u2019re about regular connection and shared experiences. If partners are committed to dedicating time to each other and growing together, and agree on being non-monogamous, they can continue a happy partnership while meeting unfulfilled needs outside the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Non-monogamous relationships aren\u2019t for everyone so looking to fulfill unmet needs with other partners might not be a viable solution for many people. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mudcoaching.com\/blog\/2023\/5\/15\/why-youre-not-getting-what-you-need-in-your-relationship\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Other techniques you can try to fulfill your needs <em>within<\/em> your relationship<\/a> include talking about your needs\u2014it\u2019s possible you and your partner have never discussed this with each other. Ask each other what makes each of you feel important, what makes each of you feel connected, and what you each need to feel safe in the relationship. You can also take an inventory of how well you\u2019re meeting each other&#8217;s needs currently to identify areas of improvement.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-detriments-of-marriage-myths\">The Detriments of Marriage Myths<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Tsabary continues to argue that our beliefs surrounding marriage can also cause major turmoil. <\/strong>We\u2019re taught that, once the marriage contract is made, it should never be broken. This causes many women to endure unhappy and even abusive marriages due to the stigma they fear facing upon divorce.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Tsabary notes that many women fear divorce due to the societal stigma they\u2019ll endure such as allegations of being a bad wife or mother. However, many women may fear divorce due to more tangible negative effects. Studies show that while men and women both experience negative effects from divorce, <a href=\"https:\/\/merelfamilylaw.com\/how-does-divorce-affect-women\/#:~:text=Divorce%20is%20a%20life%2Dchanging,effects%20both%20financially%20and%20emotionally.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">women experience more severe emotional and financial issues<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Further, Tsabary says that, <strong>while we\u2019re taught that marriage is the ultimate guarantee of love, love comes from partners\u2019 commitment to constantly grow together<\/strong>. People think that once they get married, their relationship is set in stone and will never change. Tsabary explains that this is unrealistic because people are constantly changing\u2014if you cling to a past state of your partner or relationship, you create distance that can be irreconcilable.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Gary Chapman emphasizes this point in <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-5-love-languages\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The 5 Love Languages<\/em><\/a>, explaining that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-5-love-languages\/chapter-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">many people think marriage is the epitome of love because they operate under the belief that once you fall in love, you\u2019ve won the game<\/a>. In reality, there are two processes when it comes to love and having a happy relationship: <em>falling<\/em> in love, and <em>maintaining<\/em> love. To maintain love\u2014or successfully grow together\u2014Chapman says that couples need to learn how to speak each other&#8217;s love language. Your love language is the way you feel love\u2014according to Chapman, either through <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/words-of-affirmation-love-language\/\">words of affirmation<\/a>, quality time, physical touch, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/acts-of-service-love-language\/\">acts of service<\/a>, or receiving gifts.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Tsabary says that true love and commitment require you to accept the evolving nature of your partner and relationship, and commit to growing alongside them. Part of committing to this growth is realizing when two people also naturally grow apart\u2014if this happens, a marriage contract can\u2019t preserve love. Instead, partners who are no longer compatible must acknowledge this and release each other so they can continue to grow on their own paths and reach their individual potentials.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Knowing when to finally stop trying to fix problems and instead call it quits can be difficult, especially when you still love your partner. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.petrellilaw.com\/is-it-really-over-10-signs-that-its-time-for-a-divorce\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">There are a few signs you can look for<\/a> that will indicate it may be time to separate rather than continuing to work on things. For example, if abuse is occurring in the relationship, even minor incidents, this is a sign to break things off as these incidents often escalate. Further, if you fundamentally disagree on vital issues\u2014for example, whether you want kids or how you want to raise them\u2014this is also a sign that separation is the right option.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What&#8217;s the real impact of choosing one partner for life? How does our biology align with society&#8217;s expectations about relationships? Psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary challenges traditional views on marriage and partnership, offering fresh perspectives on human connection and commitment. She believes that science and history reveal important insights about our natural capacity for lasting partnerships. Continue reading to learn about the disadvantages of monogamy and why non-monogamy resonates with some people.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":134020,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12,24],"tags":[1642],"class_list":["post-134008","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","category-society","tag-a-radical-awakening","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. Shefali Tsabary identifies what she believes are disadvantages of monogamy and a few harmful beliefs about marriage. Here&#039;s her argument.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dr. Shefali Tsabary identifies what she believes are disadvantages of monogamy and a few harmful beliefs about marriage. Here&#039;s her argument.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-10-20T14:10:47+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2026-01-21T21:05:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1344\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"768\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"8 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Elizabeth Whitworth\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13\"},\"headline\":\"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-10-20T14:10:47+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-01-21T21:05:05+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/\"},\"wordCount\":1599,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp\",\"keywords\":[\"A Radical Awakening\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Relationships\",\"Society\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/\",\"name\":\"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-10-20T14:10:47+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2026-01-21T21:05:05+00:00\",\"description\":\"Dr. Shefali Tsabary identifies what she believes are disadvantages of monogamy and a few harmful beliefs about marriage. Here's her argument.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp\",\"width\":1344,\"height\":768,\"caption\":\"One woman standing in front of two men illustrates the disadvantages of monogamy\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"description\":\"The World&#039;s Best Book Summaries\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Shortform Books\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png\",\"width\":500,\"height\":74,\"caption\":\"Shortform Books\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"}},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13\",\"name\":\"Elizabeth Whitworth\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fff9d65a52ac4340660218e7b63ee5e365cf08e7aa7adff79a0142cd4b96f84?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fff9d65a52ac4340660218e7b63ee5e365cf08e7aa7adff79a0142cd4b96f84?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Elizabeth Whitworth\"},\"description\":\"Elizabeth has a lifelong love of books. She devours nonfiction, especially in the areas of history, theology, and philosophy. A switch to audiobooks has kindled her enjoyment of well-narrated fiction, particularly Victorian and early 20th-century works. She appreciates idea-driven books\u2014and a classic murder mystery now and then. Elizabeth has a Substack and is writing a book about what the Bible says about death and hell.\",\"sameAs\":[\"rina@shortform.com\"],\"award\":[\"Contributions to joint task force efforts (FBI)\",\"Contributions to Special Operations Division (DOJ & DEA)\",\"Efforts to fight the war on drugs (NSA)\",\"Contributions to Operation Storm Front (US Customs Service)\"],\"knowsAbout\":[\"History\",\"Theology\",\"Government\"],\"jobTitle\":\"Senior SEO Writer\",\"worksFor\":\"Shortform\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/elizabeth\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy - Shortform Books","description":"Dr. Shefali Tsabary identifies what she believes are disadvantages of monogamy and a few harmful beliefs about marriage. Here's her argument.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy","og_description":"Dr. Shefali Tsabary identifies what she believes are disadvantages of monogamy and a few harmful beliefs about marriage. Here's her argument.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/","og_site_name":"Shortform Books","article_published_time":"2024-10-20T14:10:47+00:00","article_modified_time":"2026-01-21T21:05:05+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1344,"height":768,"url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp","type":"image\/webp"}],"author":"Elizabeth Whitworth","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Elizabeth Whitworth","Est. reading time":"8 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/"},"author":{"name":"Elizabeth Whitworth","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13"},"headline":"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy","datePublished":"2024-10-20T14:10:47+00:00","dateModified":"2026-01-21T21:05:05+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/"},"wordCount":1599,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp","keywords":["A Radical Awakening"],"articleSection":["Psychology","Relationships","Society"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/","name":"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy - Shortform Books","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp","datePublished":"2024-10-20T14:10:47+00:00","dateModified":"2026-01-21T21:05:05+00:00","description":"Dr. Shefali Tsabary identifies what she believes are disadvantages of monogamy and a few harmful beliefs about marriage. Here's her argument.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp","width":1344,"height":768,"caption":"One woman standing in front of two men illustrates the disadvantages of monogamy"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/disadvantages-of-monogamy\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"The Disadvantages of Monogamy &amp; the Case for Non-Monogamy"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","name":"Shortform Books","description":"The World&#039;s Best Book Summaries","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization","name":"Shortform Books","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/logo-equilateral-with-text-no-bg.png","width":500,"height":74,"caption":"Shortform Books"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"}},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13","name":"Elizabeth Whitworth","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fff9d65a52ac4340660218e7b63ee5e365cf08e7aa7adff79a0142cd4b96f84?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fff9d65a52ac4340660218e7b63ee5e365cf08e7aa7adff79a0142cd4b96f84?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Elizabeth Whitworth"},"description":"Elizabeth has a lifelong love of books. She devours nonfiction, especially in the areas of history, theology, and philosophy. A switch to audiobooks has kindled her enjoyment of well-narrated fiction, particularly Victorian and early 20th-century works. She appreciates idea-driven books\u2014and a classic murder mystery now and then. Elizabeth has a Substack and is writing a book about what the Bible says about death and hell.","sameAs":["rina@shortform.com"],"award":["Contributions to joint task force efforts (FBI)","Contributions to Special Operations Division (DOJ & DEA)","Efforts to fight the war on drugs (NSA)","Contributions to Operation Storm Front (US Customs Service)"],"knowsAbout":["History","Theology","Government"],"jobTitle":"Senior SEO Writer","worksFor":"Shortform","url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/elizabeth\/"}]}},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/one-woman-and-two-men.webp","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134008","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=134008"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134008\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":147542,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/134008\/revisions\/147542"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/134020"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=134008"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=134008"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=134008"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}