{"id":133834,"date":"2024-10-22T15:59:47","date_gmt":"2024-10-22T19:59:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=133834"},"modified":"2024-10-25T16:01:14","modified_gmt":"2024-10-25T20:01:14","slug":"sabotage-your-own-happiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/sabotage-your-own-happiness\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Sabotaging Your Own Happiness\u2014You Will Regret It Later"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you sabotaging your own happiness? How can you pursue happiness instead?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In her book <em>The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, <\/em>Bronnie Ware shares that many of her dying patients wished they prioritized happiness more in their lives. It&#8217;s easy to keep pushing it off until later, but not everybody has a later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn why you need to start <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/make-your-happiness-a-priority\/\">prioritizing happiness<\/a> in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-regret-of-neglecting-happiness\"><strong>The Regret of Neglecting Happiness<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you sabotage your own happiness? According to Ware, one regret that people have at the end of their lives is<strong> not pursuing more happiness. <\/strong>She explains that many people postpone their happiness by tying it to future events, such as getting a better job or living arrangement. For example, you may think you\u2019ll finally be happy once you buy a house or move out of your hometown. But Ware argues that happiness is a state you can create now, not something to unlock in the future. Waiting for external situations beyond your control to make you happy only delays joy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: It may not be realistic to spend money with abandon on things that will make you happy, such as a dream vacation, but hedge-fund manager Bill Perkins argues that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/die-with-zero\/1-page-summary#why-you-should-spend-all-of-your-money-by-the-time-you-die\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">you <em>should<\/em> spend all your money before you die<\/a>. The key is to balance <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/saving-for-the-future\/\">saving for the future<\/a> while enjoying life in the present. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/die-with-zero\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Die With Zero<\/em><\/a>, he writes that instead of waiting to use your money in the future, you should consider whether using it now will create positive experiences and relationships that can contribute to your overall happiness. For example, rather than squirreling away every paycheck and waiting until you\u2019re retired to take that vacation, go on holiday now while you\u2019re young and healthy enough to fully enjoy it.)\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ware notes that some people don\u2019t let themselves be happy because they feel undeserving or believe happiness must be<em> <\/em>earned. However, happiness isn\u2019t a luxury or a limited resource\u2014it\u2019s freely available to everyone. Recognize that you deserve happiness, let go of limiting beliefs, and give yourself permission to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: One reason you may not believe you deserve happiness is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/consequences-of-low-self-esteem\/\">low self-esteem<\/a>. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem<\/em><\/a>, psychologist Nathaniel Branden says <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-self-esteem-and-why-is-it-important\/\">self-esteem is<\/a> a combination of <em>self-efficacy<\/em> (believing in your capability) and <em>self-respect<\/em> (believing you deserve happiness), and that low self-esteem contributes to most psychological issues, while <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem\/part-1-introduction-chapter-4\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">high self-esteem leads to greater achievement and happiness<\/a>. To <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-boost-self-esteem\/\">improve your self-esteem<\/a> and feel deserving of happiness, you should <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-six-pillars-of-self-esteem#part-2-how-to-improve-your-self-esteem\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">practice six pillars<\/a>: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/living-in-awareness\/\">Live with awareness<\/a>, accept yourself, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-responsibility\/\">take responsibility<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/asserting-yourself\/\">assert yourself<\/a>, live intentionally, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/act-with-integrity\/\">act with integrity<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-choose-happiness\">Choose Happiness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In her discussions with a client named Lenny, Ware learned that happiness is, to some degree, a choice. Despite losing his wife and three of his children, Lenny felt content with his life because he gave and received love freely. In doing so, he could look back on a life well lived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-how-of-happiness\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The How of Happiness<\/em><\/a>, Sonja Lyubomirsky says that 50% of happiness is determined by your genes and 10% by your life circumstances, but <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-how-of-happiness\/1-page-summary#thoughts-and-behaviors-influence-40-of-your-long-term-happiness\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">40% comes from your thoughts and actions<\/a>. This means that even if you have a genetic disposition toward unhappiness or face difficult circumstances in life, doing things that boost happiness (like nurturing relationships and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/meaningful-goals\/\">pursuing meaningful goals<\/a>) can make you happier each day. Lenny exemplifies this: Despite losing loved ones, he focused on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/giving-and-receiving\/\">giving and receiving<\/a> love, which allowed him to feel satisfied when reflecting on his life.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ware argues that people often overlook chances to feel happy, and she encourages you <strong>to make conscious choices to be happier.<\/strong> This doesn\u2019t mean forcing yourself to be happy when things are hard, but understanding that you have control over your focus. You can choose to dwell less on bad things and more on good things. Make small choices to notice things to be grateful for or find things that can make you smile, even when times are hard. For example, you could save funny YouTube videos that always make you laugh and watch them when you\u2019re stressed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-happiness-advantage\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Happiness Advantage<\/em><\/a>, Shawn Achor writes that you can train your brain to be happier by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-happiness-advantage\/principle-3\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">creating a \u201cPositive Tetris Effect\u201d<\/a>. Just as Tetris players start to see objects in their everyday life as shapes they need to fit into gaps, you can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-get-your-brain-to-focus\/\">train your brain to focus<\/a> on positives instead of negatives. To do this, Achor suggests you write down three things you\u2019re grateful for each day and spend 20 minutes writing about a positive experience three times a week. These practices can increase your happiness, gratitude, and optimism over time. Like Ware, Achor argues that the goal isn\u2019t to ignore problems, but to focus on positive things.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you sabotaging your own happiness? How can you pursue happiness instead? In her book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, Bronnie Ware shares that many of her dying patients wished they prioritized happiness more in their lives. It&#8217;s easy to keep pushing it off until later, but not everybody has a later. Keep reading to learn why you need to start prioritizing happiness in your life.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":133889,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,43],"tags":[1639],"class_list":["post-133834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-self-improvement","tag-the-top-five-regrets-of-the-dying","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Stop Sabotaging Your Own Happiness\u2014You Will Regret It Later - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"By putting happiness off until later, you&#039;re sabotaging your quality of life. 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