{"id":133524,"date":"2024-10-17T09:09:13","date_gmt":"2024-10-17T13:09:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=133524"},"modified":"2024-10-21T09:28:42","modified_gmt":"2024-10-21T13:28:42","slug":"pressure-to-conform","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Resist the Pressure to Conform: 3 Ways to Be Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Is conformity <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/whats-holding-you-back\/\">holding you back<\/a> from discovering your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-find-your-true-self\/\">true self<\/a>? How can you break free from <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/societal-pressures\/\">societal pressures<\/a> and embrace your authentic identity?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>Awaken <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-genius\/\">Your Genius<\/a><\/em>, Ozan Varol explores the concept of the pressure to conform. He delves into the ways our identities can limit us and offers practical strategies for overcoming these constraints. Varol&#8217;s insights challenge readers to question their assumptions and explore new perspectives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more to unpack Varol&#8217;s ideas on breaking free from conformity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-resisting-the-pressure-to-conform\">Resisting the Pressure to Conform<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When you were a kid, Varol says, you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/desire-to-fit-in\/\">wanted to fit in<\/a>, so you conformed to others\u2019 expectations and imitated their ideals. Then, you never stopped conforming. The ways you conformed became part of your <em>identity<\/em>\u2014the collection of traits that you think define you, such as your job, community, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-belief-system\/\">belief system<\/a>. Varol argues that your identity is an illusion that prevents you from seeing your true self, which is more complex than any identity could capture. Let&#8217;s say you identify as a punk; the punk scene values rebellion and anti-establishment attitudes. This could restrict you from exploring anything perceived as mainstream, such as classical music or entrepreneurship, even if it genuinely interests you, leading you to suppress your true self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Varol suggests that the work of becoming your true self never ends\u2014you\u2019ll always experience pressures to conform or stray from your authentic path. He offers several tips that can help you overcome those pressures and stay true to your true self: detach from your identity, pay attention to the sidelines, and don&#8217;t mimic the great. Let&#8217;s look at each one in detail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-detach-from-your-identity\">#1: Detach From Your Identity<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Varol says you can detach from your identity by embracing open-mindedness, doubt, and nuance:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><strong>Embracing open-mindedness<\/strong> involves becoming aware of your own biases, trying to understand others\u2019 perspectives, and being willing to acknowledge <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-if-youre-wrong\/\">when you\u2019re wrong<\/a>. For example, if you\u2019re a punk, you might try recognizing the cultural value of pop music.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Embracing doubt <\/strong>involves <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/challenge-your-assumptions\/\">questioning your assumptions<\/a> and beliefs, as well as those held by others who share your identity. For example, you might question the effectiveness of anti-establishment practices in the punk community.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><strong>Embracing nuance <\/strong>involves recognizing that most issues are not black and white. For example, maybe you can be a punk <em>and <\/em>an entrepreneur.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Conformity, Uniqueness, and Identity Crises<\/strong><br><br>Psychologists use <a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/referenceworkentry\/10.1007\/978-3-319-28099-8_1144-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>optimal distinctiveness theory<\/em><\/a><em> <\/em>to describe the tension between our desire for conformity and our desire to be unique and authentic (our true selves). According to this theory, humans have an innate <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/need-to-belong\/\">need to belong<\/a>, but we also value our differences because they make us special. To resolve this tension, many people join <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sicotests.com\/newpsyarticle\/Optimal-distinctiveness-theory#google_vignette\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">fringe social groups<\/a>\u2014like the punk scene and <a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s12144-015-9331-0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">niche online fandoms<\/a>\u2014that allow them to feel like they\u2019re different from most people but not <em>everyone<\/em>. But the pressure to conform <em>within <\/em>those groups can be very strong. Additionally, once you begin to see yourself through the lens of these group identities, it can be hard to see yourself any other way\u2014even if the identity no longer fits you.<br><br>When your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/true-desires\/\">authentic desires<\/a> are at odds with your need for conformity, this could result in an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/what-is-an-identity-crisis-2795948\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">identity crisis<\/a>\u2014profound anxiety or confusion about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-is-your-true-self\/\">who you really are<\/a>. You may be tempted to choose one aspect of your identity over another\u2014for example, you might feel like you can\u2019t be <a href=\"https:\/\/annemariezanzal.com\/cognitive-dissonance-its-role-in-coming-out-later-in-life\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">both queer <em>and <\/em>religious<\/a>. But in agreement with Varol, experts recommend dealing with identity problems by embracing open-mindedness, doubt, and nuance.<br><br>According to psychologists, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/brick-brick\/202010\/why-the-best-relationships-make-us-question-everything\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">open-mindedness makes you more resilient<\/a>\u2014it allows you to take in disruptive ideas without destroying your sense of self. Doubt can help you <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/intuitive-eating\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">unlearn or avoid forming mistaken beliefs<\/a> that might hold you back in life or needlessly complicate your identity. For example, in <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/intuitive-eating\/1-page-summary\"><em>Intuitive Eating<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>dietitians Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch suggest that you should <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/intuitive-eating\/1-page-summary#part-1-how-diets-damage-your-relationship-with-food\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">doubt the popular notion that dieting can improve your life<\/a> because it teaches you to define yourself by your appearance. Finally, embracing nuance can help you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/anger-in-the-age-of-entitlement\/202306\/identity-resilience\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">see yourself as a complex, multidimensional being<\/a> instead of a static, one-dimensional persona. It may also help you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.penguin.co.uk\/articles\/2020\/09\/walt-whitman-leaves-of-grass-i-contain-multitudes-twitter-meme\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">accept internal contradictions<\/a> (like a love of punk <em>and <\/em>entrepreneurship.)<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-pay-attention-to-the-sidelines\">#2: Pay Attention to the Sidelines<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Varol notes that mainstream media companies curate and recommend the media they think will be most profitable, <em>not <\/em>the media with the most intrinsic value. To discover the valuable ideas that escape most people\u2019s attention, he recommends <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a> to the sidelines: What great people, ideas, and events are going unnoticed? This approach decreases your chance of falling back into conformist patterns. For example, instead of watching all the latest blockbuster movies (a kind of conformity), choose independent films or documentaries that explore unique perspectives or marginalized stories.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Some journalists have noted that it\u2019s increasingly common for people to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/science\/brain-flapping\/2013\/dec\/24\/criticising-popular-things-why-is-it-so-popular\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">automatically dismiss the mainstream media<\/a> as intrinsically vacuous, even though its popularity suggests that many people agree it <em>does <\/em>have value. Some argue that this tendency may be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vice.com\/en\/article\/v7gzb8\/why-men-like-to-dislike-popular-things\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">most common among men<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.hebronhawkeye.com\/opinion\/2023\/09\/19\/opinion-the-basic-white-girl-mindset-is-toxic\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">women with internalized misogyny<\/a>. While it\u2019s true that some things on life\u2019s sidelines may be worth exploring, that doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that popular phenomena <em>aren\u2019t <\/em>worth exploring. Nor does it mean that every marginalized idea is inherently superior to mainstream ideas\u2014for example, <a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/32163899\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">baseless conspiracy theories<\/a> gain traction in life\u2019s margins (and experts warn that they may appeal most to those who value non-conformity for its own sake).)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-don-t-mimic-the-great\">#3: Don\u2019t Mimic the Great<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Varol says that many people assume that history\u2019s greatest figures had it all figured out and try to mimic their habits, strategies, and ways of thinking. The same goes for people they know and admire, like teachers and mentors. However, most people <em>don\u2019t <\/em>have it all figured out, and even if they do, what works for them might not work for you. Instead of mimicking your heroes, consider all your options\u2014then, choose the option that feels right for you. For example, say you admire Steve Jobs\u2019 success; rather than mimicking his <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/steve-jobs\/1-page-summary#a-tyrannical-taskmaster\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">tyrannical leadership style<\/a>, think critically about which leadership style best suits you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-thinking-clearly\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Art of Thinking Clearly<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Rolf Dobelli explains the logical fallacy that underlies your desire to mimic the great\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-thinking-clearly\/part-1#authority-bias\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">authority bias<\/a>. This bias leads you to follow those you view as more knowledgeable than you, often without critical examination. To overcome <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/authority-bias\/\">authority bias<\/a>, Dobelli suggests asking yourself how authorities are influencing you and if you should let them continue to do so. If that doesn\u2019t help you, experts recommend <a href=\"https:\/\/effectiviology.com\/authority-bias-the-milgram-obedience-experiment\/#How_to_reduce_the_authority_bias\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">two other approaches<\/a>: creating distance between yourself and the authority figure (for example, by limiting your exposure to their work) and questioning the legitimacy of their authority (for example, you might question whether Jobs deserved to run Apple, given the negative effects of his harsh leadership style).)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-exercise\">Exercise<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Think of a time when you conformed to others\u2019 expectations of you instead of thinking or acting independently. In the long run, did that help you or hurt you? Why?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Identify a common belief or practice in your social or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/professional-circle\/\">professional circle<\/a> that you accept as normal. For example, maybe people in your field believe you need to work long hours to get the job done. Should you go on accepting this? Consider whether there\u2019s evidence to support it, whether it aligns with your values, and how it might benefit or be challenging for you.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is conformity holding you back from discovering your true self? How can you break free from societal pressures and embrace your authentic identity? In Awaken Your Genius, Ozan Varol explores the concept of the pressure to conform. He delves into the ways our identities can limit us and offers practical strategies for overcoming these constraints. Varol&#8217;s insights challenge readers to question their assumptions and explore new perspectives. Read more to unpack Varol&#8217;s ideas on breaking free from conformity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":133532,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[1634],"class_list":["post-133524","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-awaken-your-genius","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Resist the Pressure to Conform: 3 Ways to Be Yourself - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you were a kid, you wanted to fit in\u2014and it&#039;s likely you never stopped conforming. Learn how to resist the pressure to be someone else.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Resist the Pressure to Conform: 3 Ways to Be Yourself\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"When you were a kid, you wanted to fit in\u2014and it&#039;s likely you never stopped conforming. Learn how to resist the pressure to be someone else.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Shortform Books\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2024-10-17T13:09:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-10-21T13:28:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/s3.amazonaws.com\/wordpress.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/man-facing-the-opposite-direction-from-everyone-else.webp\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1344\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"768\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/webp\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elizabeth Whitworth\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Elizabeth Whitworth\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/d2928cf6c11a69ced1491d6a5b74fb13\"},\"headline\":\"How to Resist the Pressure to Conform: 3 Ways to Be Yourself\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-10-17T13:09:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-10-21T13:28:42+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/\"},\"wordCount\":1255,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/man-facing-the-opposite-direction-from-everyone-else.webp\",\"keywords\":[\"Awaken Your Genius\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Psychology\",\"Self-Improvement\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/\",\"name\":\"How to Resist the Pressure to Conform: 3 Ways to Be Yourself - Shortform Books\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pressure-to-conform\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/man-facing-the-opposite-direction-from-everyone-else.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2024-10-17T13:09:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-10-21T13:28:42+00:00\",\"description\":\"When you were a kid, you wanted to fit in\u2014and it's likely you never stopped conforming. 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