Ever wondered how to captivate a room with your presence? What makes someone truly charismatic?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The art of charisma involves both verbal and nonverbal cues<\/a>. From choosing your words carefully to using body language<\/a> effectively, there are numerous techniques you can employ to enhance your charm in both personal and professional settings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Learn how to appear charismatic by using these techniques presented in the book Cues<\/em> by Vanessa Van Edwards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n Van Edwards’s advice on how to appear charismatic entails several verbal and nonverbal cues. In every case, she recommends that you adopt only the cues that feel natural to you.<\/strong> If you fake a cue, others will detect the artifice and distrust you, damaging your charisma. (Shortform note: Studies suggest that people can detect artificial cues because authentic physical expression is made up of automatic muscle movements<\/a>. If you adopt a cue that doesn\u2019t feel natural, you may fail to replicate all its nuances, and others may notice. This is why actors who want to give a convincing performance try to feel their characters\u2019 emotions<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n Verbal cues<\/em> are cues conveyed through speech or text. They include word choice cues<\/em> (your vocabulary and punctuation choices) and vocal cues <\/em>(techniques that make your spoken voice sound more charismatic).<\/p>\n\n\n\n #1: Choose your words carefully.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that the words you use carry both surface-level and hidden information. For example, \u201cteaming up\u201d and \u201cworking jointly\u201d on a project have a similar surface <\/em>meaning, but the former sounds warmer <\/em>than the latter. To maximize your charisma, use a blend of warm and competent words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #2: Consider your emoji and punctuation use. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that, in text and email, emojis and exclamation points signal warmth. She refers readers to Science of People\u2019s emoji guide<\/a>, where she explains when (and when not) to use 45 different emojis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #3: Imitate others\u2019 word choice<\/strong>. Van Edwards says, if you subtly imitate someone\u2019s word choice, they\u2019ll feel validated, which improves your rapport with them. If they greet you in a certain way, return the same greeting. If they use warm words like \u201clove\u201d or \u201cencourage,\u201d use the same or similar words in your response. When communicating over text, you can even mimic their punctuation style. <\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: Imitating others\u2019 word choice is part of linguistic convergence<\/em><\/a>, a phenomenon that also covers other aspects of language use, like how you pronounce words. Experts say we\u2019re naturally inclined toward linguistic convergence because it helps us form stronger social bonds with those around us. This can have powerful effects: For example, lawyers who use language that resonates with judges are more likely to win their cases<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n #4: Use charismatic language at the start and end of professional gatherings.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that using charismatic language (which signals both warmth and competence) at the start and finish of professional gatherings can inspire higher productivity and engagement. Here\u2019s a pop culture example: On the TV show Grey\u2019s Anatomy, <\/em>charismatic surgeon Derek Shepherd often begins surgeries with the phrase, \u201cIt\u2019s a beautiful day to save lives<\/a>.\u201d The \u201cbeautiful day\u201d portion conveys warmth, while \u201csave lives\u201d conveys competence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: In The Art of Community<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>leadership consultant Charles Vogl gives similar advice for community gatherings<\/a>: To create a better, more engaging experience for participants, community leaders can start and end gatherings with a few words that drive home how meaningful the gathering is. If you\u2019re a leader, you can combine this advice with Van Edwards\u2019s advice to choose charismatic language\u2014for example, you might begin and end a meeting by sharing your excitement about the gathering\u2019s potential and emphasizing how much you value each member\u2019s contributions. Note also that, according to Vogl, this approach to gatherings works for all kinds of communities<\/a>, not just professional ones\u2014you could use it at your chess club, for instance.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n #5: Use \u201ctouchy\u201d language when you\u2019re not face-to-face.<\/strong> It can be difficult to signal warmth during remote communication. Van Edwards says telling others you wish you could touch them with phrases like \u201cVirtual first bump!\u201d or \u201cSending you a kiss!\u201d can make you seem warm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #6: Speak with feeling.<\/strong> Many people mistakenly believe that speaking with feeling\u2014that is, letting your emotions shine through your speech\u2014undermines your credibility. Van Edwards explains that the opposite is true: When you speak with feeling, your voice changes in subtle, momentary ways. These changes communicate authenticity, which makes listeners more likely to engage with the ideas you\u2019re sharing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n #7: Convey your interest when others are speaking.<\/strong> Van Edwards says you can use two types of vocal cues when others are speaking to show them you\u2019re engaged: interjections (for example, \u201cThat\u2019s wild!\u201d as someone tells a fascinating story) and affirmative sounds (like \u201chuh!\u201d in response to something that surprises you). You can also imitate the interjections and affirmative sounds others use in conversation with you to build rapport.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #8: Drop your voice\u2019s pitch as low as you can comfortably go.<\/strong> The deeper your voice, the more confident you\u2019ll seem. Van Edwards stresses that comfort is key here\u2014if you drop your pitch too low, it may be hard to speak consistently and others might perceive you as inauthentic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #9: Project your voice.<\/strong> Breathe in deeply, then speak loudly as you exhale (but not before you exhale, or you\u2019ll run out of breath before you finish speaking).<\/em> Van Edwards explains that this will help you avoid speaking too quietly or with vocal fry <\/em>(a gravelly voice quality), two vocal cues that signal a lack of self-confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #10: Vary your volume to match the content of your speech.<\/strong> Van Edwards suggests that this approach signals that your emotions and ideas are aligned, creating higher confidence in your claims. Raise your volume to emphasize your passion. Lower your volume to create the sense that you\u2019re including your listeners in something private and important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #11: Pause instead of using filler words.<\/strong> It\u2019s common to use filler words like \u201cum\u201d and \u201cso\u201d to buy time when you\u2019re not sure what to say next and don\u2019t want listeners to mistakenly think you\u2019re done talking. However, Van Edwards says that filler words signal low confidence in the content of your speech, which encourages <\/em>others to interrupt you. She recommends that you replace filler words with pauses, but only in the middle of a sentence, not at the end. Pausing mid-sentence creates a sense of anticipation that draws listeners in, while pausing at the end suggests that you\u2019re done speaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now that we\u2019ve covered verbal cues, let\u2019s explore the nonverbal cues <\/em>Van Edwards describes. We\u2019ll start with behavioral cues (body language, facial expressions, and other physical techniques) that project warmth<\/a>, competence, and overall charisma (both warmth and competence). Then, we\u2019ll discuss personal branding <\/em>(visual cues that can evoke charismatic associations).<\/p>\n\n\n\n #1: <\/strong>Smile often, slowly, and genuinely.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that genuine smiling is one of the most effective ways to project warmth. They\u2019re also contagious\u2014when you smile at someone, they\u2019re likely to smile back at you, which facilitates social bonding. Smiling slowly <\/em>can signal true delight and inspire laughter, another contagious warmth cue that strengthens your connection with someone. However, you should only smile genuinely\u2014Van Edwards warns that artificial smiles don\u2019t help you seem warmer, since it can be easy for others to tell they\u2019re disingenuous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #2: Nod to be supportive.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that when you nod in response to someone\u2019s speech, you support the speaker in two ways: First, your nod signals understanding and agreement. This is especially valuable when the speaker is sharing something vulnerable, like a difficult life experience, and needs validation to continue sharing. Second, if there are others around you, nodding can amplify the speaker\u2019s credibility\u2014by making it clear that you agree with the speaker, you increase the likelihood that others will, too. Both of these effects make you seem warmer and encourage the speaker to keep talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #3: Raise your eyebrows to signal engagement.<\/strong> In a conversation, raising your eyebrows signals a desire to know more about the conversation or your conversation partner. Van Edwards also says raising your eyebrows to someone you\u2019re not <\/em>talking with signals a desire to initiate <\/em>conversation. But she warns against raising your eyebrows too<\/em> often, as this can make you seem bewildered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #4: Respectfully touch others.<\/strong> When you touch someone, both your bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin that strengthens social bonds. Van Edwards says touching will improve your connection with others in all sorts of relationships, from business to romance. However, she warns that who, how, and when to touch is culturally determined. In Western cultures, it\u2019s usually appropriate to touch those you\u2019re not close to on the hands and forearms, while touching the upper arms, back, and cheeks is reserved for friends and family. Van Edwards also says you shouldn\u2019t pat someone\u2019s head (it\u2019s condescending) or touch anyone who seems uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #5: Tilt your head in photos and in conversation. <\/strong>Van Edwards explains that tilting your head can indicate that you\u2019re approachable<\/em>\u2014the gesture makes you physically vulnerable since it exposes your neck, which makes others perceive you as non-threatening. This is why many people naturally tilt their heads when posing for a photo. Tilting your head at someone you\u2019re talking with can also indicate that you\u2019re engaged, since it puts one ear closer to them (a sign that you\u2019re listening carefully to what they\u2019re saying). When you seem safe and engaged, you project a friendlier image. However, note that tilting your head can undermine your competence since it exposes your neck (a sign of submission), so use this cue sparingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #6: Selectively imitate others\u2019 nonverbal cues. <\/strong>Nonverbal cues communicate emotions that can be contagious\u2014if you\u2019re next to someone who\u2019s happy, you\u2019re more likely to feel happy (and vice versa). You can consciously imitate someone\u2019s warmth cues to amplify their positive emotions, which makes you seem warm. For example, if a coworker always greets you with a high five, you might respond with your own high fives or other forms of respectful touch. However, Van Edwards warns against imitating negative cues, which can detract from your warmth and worsen an already moody atmosphere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Imitating someone\u2019s cues can also signal that you agree with them, and validating their feelings or ideas can help warm them up to you. But Van Edwards says you should take care not to imitate someone\u2019s cues when you disagree with them, as that can send the wrong message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #7: Narrow your eyes.<\/strong> Narrowing your eyes makes you seem thoughtful and intense. It signals to others that you\u2019re paying attention<\/a> and trying to understand\u2014though narrowing your eyes for longer than a few seconds seems unnatural. Van Edwards also says you can watch for eye narrowing to find opportunities to reinforce your competence: When someone\u2019s eyes suddenly narrow, it suggests that they just started analyzing something. This might mean you said something confusing or controversial, so you should pause to address the possible issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #8: Steeple your fingers.<\/strong> Van Edwards says this cue conveys that you\u2019re earnest, self-assured, and a deep thinker. You\u2019re displaying your hands for everyone to see, which symbolically expresses that you have nothing to hide. Since you\u2019re suggesting that you\u2019re a deep thinker, steepling gives others a reason to think about (and believe in) what you\u2019ve said\u2014or if you\u2019re listening to someone else, it communicates that you\u2019re carefully considering what they\u2019ve<\/em> said. However, Van Edwards warns against a gesture she calls \u201cevil fingers,\u201d where you steeple your hands and tap the tips of your fingers together. Evil fingers suggest that you\u2019re concocting a sinister plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #9: Use explanatory gestures.<\/strong> Moving your hands and arms while you speak helps you convey information to others more efficiently (for example, you can use gestures that indicate the shape of something). When you gesture with purpose and grace, listeners pay more attention, understand you better, and find you more credible. However, Van Edwards warns against using very large or forceful gestures\u2014if you notice people looking at your hands or moving away when you gesture, dial it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #10: Clear the path between you and your conversation partner. <\/strong>Van Edwards explains that, when something comes between you and the person you\u2019re talking with\u2014whether that\u2019s your own crossed arms, an object like a laptop, or a piece of furniture\u2014it can signal that you\u2019re preoccupied, uninterested, anxious, or dismissive of their ideas. In contrast, when you clear the path between you and your conversation partner, you seem open-minded<\/em>: receptive, approachable, and secure enough to explore others\u2019 ideas in good faith. This makes it easier for them to communicate openly with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #11: Lean toward others. <\/strong>Consider how you might lean toward a blossoming tree that you want to smell. Similarly, when you lean toward someone, it\u2019s a sign that you\u2019re engrossed in them\u2014you want to see, hear, or otherwise perceive them more closely or even connect with them physically. This makes people feel like you\u2019re respectfully or even delightedly engaging with them. Van Edwards says that you can also refrain <\/em>from leaning to respectfully indicate that you\u2019re not buying what someone\u2019s saying\u2014but don\u2019t lean back, as this signals standoffishness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n #12: Use space to your advantage. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that your proximity to others influences how they perceive your warmth: Closeness suggests mutual trust and comfort, while appropriate distance can signal that you respect others\u2019 boundaries. Additionally, positioning yourself<\/a> next to someone who\u2019s important to the setting\u2014like a community leader, your manager, or the most popular person in a friend group\u2014can convey a privileged connection with them, enhancing your perceived competence.<\/p>\n\n\n\nHow to Appear Charismatic<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Charismatic Verbal Cues<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Charismatic Nonverbal Cues<\/h3>\n\n\n\n