{"id":133459,"date":"2024-10-15T13:30:17","date_gmt":"2024-10-15T17:30:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=133459"},"modified":"2024-10-18T13:57:45","modified_gmt":"2024-10-18T17:57:45","slug":"how-to-show-warmth","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-show-warmth\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Show Warmth: 15 Tips From Vanessa Van Edwards"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Would others consider you to be a warm person? What are the secrets to projecting warmth in your interactions?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Charisma\u2014a powerful tool in both personal and professional relationships\u2014is a blend of warmth and competence that can be learned and improved. Communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards shares her advice on how to show warmth through verbal cues, body language<\/a>, and even virtual communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to get practical tips that can transform your interactions and increase your personal magnetism.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How to Show Warmth<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Van Edwards explains that charisma is a balance of warmth <\/em>and competence.<\/em><\/strong> <\/em>She says anyone can become more charismatic<\/a> by understanding and strategically adopting warmth and competence cues. Let’s look at Van Edwards’s advice on how to show warmth with verbal and behavioral cues, including tips for projecting warmth virtually.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Showing Warmth With Words<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

#1: Speak with feeling.<\/strong> Many people mistakenly believe that speaking with feeling\u2014that is, letting your emotions shine through your speech\u2014undermines your credibility. Van Edwards explains that the opposite is true: When you speak with feeling, your voice changes in subtle, momentary ways. These changes communicate authenticity, which makes listeners more likely to engage with the ideas you\u2019re sharing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Some research suggests that the way you speak communicates more about your emotional state than your facial expressions<\/a>, which means vocally masking your emotions could make it harder for others to empathize with you. If you have a naturally monotone<\/em>, or emotionally flat, voice, Van Edwards explains on her website that you can learn to vary your voice through practice<\/a>: For example, she recommends reading children\u2019s books aloud using various vocal styles and mimicking actors\u2019 voices.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#2: <\/strong>Convey your interest when others are speaking.<\/strong> Van Edwards says you can use two types of vocal cues when others are speaking to show them you\u2019re engaged: interjections (for example, \u201cThat\u2019s wild!\u201d as someone tells a fascinating story) and affirmative sounds (such as \u201chuh!\u201d in response to something that surprises you). You can also imitate the interjections and affirmative sounds others use in conversation with you to build rapport.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Linguistics experts explain that sounds of agreement are a form of \u201cphatic communication,\u201d a type of communication that serves mainly to strengthen relationships, which includes small talk<\/a>. Using phatic communication allows you to reinforce the importance of your social bond with someone even if you have nothing of substance to say at that moment.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#3: <\/strong>Choose your words carefully.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that the words you use carry both surface-level and hidden information. For example, \u201cteaming up\u201d and \u201cworking jointly\u201d on a project have a similar surface <\/em>meaning, but the former sounds warmer <\/em>than the latter. To maximize your charisma, use a blend of warm and competent words. (Shortform note: The hidden information in a word is called its \u201cconnotation<\/a>.\u201d Reference tools like Visuwords<\/a> can show you the connotations of specific words.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Showing Warmth With Behavior<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

#1: Smile often, slowly, and genuinely.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that genuine smiling is one of the most effective ways to project warmth. They\u2019re also contagious\u2014when you smile at someone, they\u2019re likely to smile back at you, which facilitates social bonding. Smiling slowly <\/em>can signal true delight and inspire laughter, another contagious warmth cue that strengthens your connection with someone. However, you should only smile genuinely\u2014Van Edwards warns that artificial smiles don\u2019t help you seem warmer, since it can be easy for others to tell they\u2019re disingenuous.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Why does smiling signal warmth? Some experts theorize that although baring your teeth is threatening among most primates, human smiling evolved<\/a> as a way to communicate that a person is non-threatening and friendly. Authentic smiles\u2014which psychologists call Duchenne smiles<\/a>, after the anatomist who first studied them in detail\u2014also signal delight, so they may make others feel as though you genuinely enjoy their company. Duchenne smiles can also make you seem helpful and more physically attractive, which could reinforce your charisma.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#2: <\/strong>Nod to be supportive.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that when you nod in response to someone\u2019s speech, you support the speaker in two ways: First, your nod signals understanding and agreement. This is especially valuable when the speaker is sharing something vulnerable, like a difficult life experience, and needs validation to continue sharing. Second, if there are others around you, nodding can amplify the speaker\u2019s credibility\u2014by making it clear that you agree with the speaker, you increase the likelihood that others will, too. Both of these effects make you seem warmer and encourage the speaker to keep talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Van Edwards\u2019s research suggests that you can use nodding to combat testimonial injustice<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>a phenomenon that occurs when someone\u2019s prejudices prevent them from seeing a speaker as a credible source. For example, some research suggests that it\u2019s common for people to erroneously dismiss rape accusations as unbelievable<\/a> (and this may be even more common when the accuser is Black<\/a>). Suppose that in a group setting, someone shares that they\u2019ve experienced sexual violence. If you nod as they tell their story, they\u2019ll feel supported, and you may diminish the chance that they\u2019ll become victims of testimonial injustice. In Unbound<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>\u201cme too\u201d founder Tarana Burke explains how this kind of support can help victims heal<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#3: <\/strong>Raise your eyebrows to signal engagement.<\/strong> In a conversation, raising your eyebrows signals a desire to know more about the conversation or your conversation partner. Van Edwards also says raising your eyebrows to someone you\u2019re not <\/em>talking with signals a desire to initiate <\/em>conversation. But she warns against raising your eyebrows too<\/em> often, as this can make you seem bewildered. (Shortform note: To clarify, Van Edwards is talking about raising both <\/em>eyebrows here\u2014researchers call this an eyebrow flash<\/em>. When you only raise one eyebrow in what researchers call an eyebrow cock<\/em>, you communicate doubt<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#4: <\/strong>Respectfully touch others.<\/strong> When you touch someone, both your bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin that strengthens social bonds. Van Edwards says touching will improve your connection with others in all sorts of relationships, from business to romance. However, she warns that who, how, and when to touch is culturally determined. In Western cultures, it\u2019s usually appropriate to touch those you\u2019re not close to on the hands and forearms, while touching the upper arms, back, and cheeks is reserved for friends and family. Van Edwards also says you shouldn\u2019t pat someone\u2019s head (it\u2019s condescending) or touch anyone who seems uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Respecting others\u2019 physical boundaries<\/a> is crucial if you want them to perceive you as warm. To make sure you\u2019re being respectful, ask for others\u2019 consent before you touch them<\/a>\u2014and understand that some requests for touch, like those that rely on stereotypes or reinforce power imbalances<\/a>, are never appropriate. People who have marginalized identities are more likely to be subjected to disrespectful touching: For example, some disabled people report being patted on the head<\/a> often, some Black women report that white people touch their hair without permission<\/a>, and as much as 51% of women have experienced physical sexual harassment<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#5: <\/strong>Tilt your head in photos and in conversation. <\/strong>Van Edwards explains that tilting your head can indicate that you\u2019re approachable<\/em>\u2014the gesture makes you physically vulnerable since it exposes your neck, which makes others perceive you as non-threatening. This is why many people naturally tilt their heads when posing for a photo. Tilting your head at someone you\u2019re talking with can also indicate that you\u2019re engaged, since it puts one ear closer to them (a sign that you\u2019re listening carefully to what they\u2019re saying). When you seem safe and engaged, you project a friendlier image. However, note that tilting your head can undermine your competence since it exposes your neck (a sign of submission), so use this cue sparingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Research suggests that many species, including dogs<\/a>, tilt their heads when they\u2019re cognitively engaged in a task (like listening, processing, or remembering). When dogs tilt their heads, humans perceive them as cuter<\/a>\u2014but some research indicates that humans <\/em>may not always seem cuter when they tilt their heads. One study on dating app photos found that women who tilt their heads in photos are perceived positively, but men aren\u2019t<\/a> (perhaps this can be attributed to the stereotype that vulnerability is attractive in women but not in men<\/a>.) Another study suggests that tilting your head in photos obscures your face, which may not make you seem approachable\u2014but it may create a sense of mysterious intrigue<\/a> that draws people in.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#6: <\/strong>Selectively imitate others\u2019 nonverbal cues<\/a>. <\/strong>Nonverbal cues communicate emotions that can be contagious\u2014if you\u2019re next to someone who\u2019s happy, you\u2019re more likely to feel happy (and vice versa). You can consciously imitate someone\u2019s warmth cues to amplify their positive emotions, which makes you seem warm. For example, if a coworker always greets you with a high five, you might respond with your own high fives or other forms of respectful touch. However, Van Edwards warns against imitating negative cues, which can detract from your warmth and worsen an already moody atmosphere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Imitating someone\u2019s cues can also signal that you agree with them, and validating their feelings or ideas can help warm them up to you. But Van Edwards says you should take care not to imitate someone\u2019s cues when you disagree with them, as that can send the wrong message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Nuances of Imitation<\/strong>

Van Edwards says you shouldn\u2019t imitate someone you disagree with, but you can <\/em>use other cues to maintain a positive connection during disagreements. For example, you might combine verbal cues like friendly word choice with nonverbal cues like tilting your head as you listen to their ideas. Conflict communication strategies<\/a>, like using open-ended questions, might also help you remain warm during difficult discussions.

Projecting warmth during conflicts is helpful because it can protect your relationships from unnecessary harm\u2014for example, some research shows that when parents express warmth on high-conflict days<\/a>, their teenagers cope with the conflict better. However, projecting too much <\/em>warmth during a disagreement can be harmful, as it signals that you\u2019re not taking the conversation seriously<\/a>.

This is why imitation <\/em>is the crux of Van Edwards\u2019s advice here\u2014if the person you\u2019re talking to isn\u2019t exhibiting any positive cues, you probably shouldn\u2019t either. Van Edwards also says that imitating their negative cues could make the situation worse, but in some cases it might be an appropriate\u2014even helpful\u2014empathetic response. For example, consider how people react to death by sending condolences and crying at funerals: When someone loses a loved one, communicating that you\u2019re sad, too<\/a> can be comforting and help them process their grief. Not <\/em>imitating the bereaved\u2019s negative cues (like verbal and nonverbal expressions of sadness) in this case could make you seem cold and unfeeling, rather than warm or even neutral.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

#7: <\/strong>Lean toward others. <\/strong>Consider how you might lean toward a blossoming tree that you want to smell. Similarly, when you lean toward someone, it\u2019s a sign that you\u2019re engrossed in them\u2014you want to see, hear, or otherwise perceive them more closely or even connect with them physically. This makes people feel like you\u2019re respectfully or even delightedly engaging with them. Van Edwards says that you can also refrain <\/em>from leaning to respectfully indicate that you\u2019re not buying what someone\u2019s saying\u2014but don\u2019t lean back, as this signals standoffishness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: How does leaning toward others make you seem more charismatic? Studies suggest that physical closeness creates interpersonal warmth<\/a>\u2014the set of positive feelings exchanged during social interactions. When you initiate physical closeness by leaning in, it may seem like you <\/em>sparked that warmth or like you are <\/em>warm, one of the components of charisma. Leaning in can also convey competence<\/a>, the other half of charisma: Language experts note that the term \u201clean in\u201d<\/a> is used to describe actions that demonstrate initiative, engagement, or assertiveness. This use of the phrase was popularized by Sheryl Sandberg in her book, Lean In<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>where she describes leaning toward other people when she spoke to assert her ideas.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#8: <\/strong>Use space to your advantage. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that your proximity to others influences how they perceive your warmth: Closeness suggests mutual trust and comfort, while appropriate distance can signal that you respect others\u2019 boundaries. Additionally, positioning yourself<\/a> next to someone who\u2019s important to the setting\u2014like a community leader, your manager, or the most popular person in a friend group\u2014can convey a privileged connection with them, enhancing your perceived competence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#9: Look into others\u2019 faces. <\/strong>Looking into someone\u2019s face suggests that you\u2019re paying attention<\/a> to them and that you\u2019re interested in understanding them. It\u2019s easier to interpret others\u2019 emotions when you look them in the face\u2014Van Edwards says you should take in a person\u2019s whole <\/em>face, but pay special attention to their eyes. Looking into someone\u2019s eyes stimulates oxytocin production in both parties, which can enhance your ability to interpret each other\u2019s emotions and <\/em>produce the mutual sensation of warmth. On the other hand, if you don\u2019t <\/em>want to encourage intimacy with someone or if you want them to know you\u2019re not paying attention to them, avert your eyes. You should also reduce eye contact if someone seems uncomfortable with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#10: <\/strong>Curate your wardrobe.<\/strong> You can use your choice of clothing and accessories to signal warmth and competence in different measures. For example, if you always wear athleisure, others may subconsciously associate you with energy and vitality (competence cues) and see you as more approachable (a warmth cue) than someone who\u2019s always dressed formally. Van Edwards suggests matching your wardrobe to the stereotypes whose associations you wish to embody, but she also notes that breaking the mold can be impactful because unexpected attire grabs others\u2019 attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Showing Warmth Virtually<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

#1: Use \u201ctouchy\u201d language when you\u2019re not face-to-face.<\/strong> It can be difficult to signal warmth during remote communication. Van Edwards says telling others you wish you could touch them with phrases like \u201cVirtual first bump!\u201d or \u201cSending you a kiss!\u201d can make you seem warm. (Shortform note: Be careful when using touchy language, especially with acquaintances. Many people feel uncomfortable when a stranger touches them<\/a>, and conveying long-distance \u201ctouchiness\u201d may also cross personal boundaries.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: If you work remotely, you may be able to counter proximity bias<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>the tendency for supervisors to favor workers who work in the office, by using a combination of charismatic verbal cues in virtual meetings. Similarly, if you\u2019re in a long-distance friendship or romantic relationship, you may have to get creative to foster physical connections<\/a>: For example, some gifts come in synced pairs<\/a> so that when you touch, say, your bracelet, your friend or partner\u2019s bracelet vibrates.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

#2: Consider your emoji and punctuation use. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that, in text and email, emojis and exclamation points signal warmth. She refers readers to Science of People\u2019s emoji guide<\/a>, where she explains when (and when not) to use 45 different emojis. (Shortform note: Remember that Van Edwards works from a US-centric perspective, and emojis may be interpreted differently in different cultural contexts. For example, the applause emoji has a sexual meaning in China, but not in the West.<\/a>)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Would others consider you to be a warm person? What are the secrets to projecting warmth in your interactions? Charisma\u2014a powerful tool in both personal and professional relationships\u2014is a blend of warmth and competence that can be learned and improved. Communications expert Vanessa Van Edwards shares her advice on how to show warmth through verbal cues, body language, and even virtual communication. Keep reading to get practical tips that can transform your interactions and increase your personal magnetism.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":133470,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,43],"tags":[1633],"class_list":["post-133459","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-cues","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Show Warmth: 15 Tips From Vanessa Van Edwards - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Warmth is an indispensable part of charisma. 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