{"id":133380,"date":"2024-10-18T09:57:00","date_gmt":"2024-10-18T13:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=133380"},"modified":"2024-10-18T13:57:51","modified_gmt":"2024-10-18T17:57:51","slug":"cues-book","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cues-book\/","title":{"rendered":"Cues: Book Overview &#038; Key Takeaways (Vanessa Van Edwards)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Is charisma something you&#8217;re born with, or can it be learned? What&#8217;s the secret to becoming more influential and respected in your personal and professional lives?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Cues<\/em>, a book by Vanessa Van Edwards, contends that anyone can boost their charisma by understanding and strategically using verbal and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nonverbal-cues\/\">nonverbal cues<\/a>. She explains that charisma is a balance of warmth and competence, which we can project through our words, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a>, and personal branding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading for an overview of this <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/practical-books\/\">practical book<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-cues-book-overview\"><em>Cues<\/em> Book Overview<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Do you have helpful skills and insights to share with the world, yet find yourself undervalued and ignored at work and in your social life? According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.penguinrandomhouse.com\/books\/670685\/cues-by-vanessa-van-edwards\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Cues<\/em><\/a>, a book by Vanessa Van Edwards, the problem might be that you\u2019re not projecting <em>charisma\u2014<\/em>the quality that makes others pay attention to you. Without charisma, you won\u2019t get your ideas across or have an impact on others, which can hold you back both personally and professionally. However, Van Edwards says that, by adopting charismatic cues, <em>anyone <\/em>can begin to convey charisma and make their mark on the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Van Edwards is a communications expert and the best-selling author of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/captivate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Captivate<\/em><\/a>. She researches human behavior at her research lab, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.scienceofpeople.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Science of People,<\/a> and trains others to improve their lives by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-understand-human-behavior\/\">understanding human behavior<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this overview of <em>Cues<\/em> (published in 2022), we\u2019ll discuss Van Edwards\u2019s definition of charisma and explain how people convey different levels of charisma through verbal and nonverbal cues. Then, we\u2019ll explore some cues you can adapt to improve your unique charismatic style. Finally, we\u2019ll discuss the cues you should mitigate or avoid to reinforce your charismatic image.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>What Is Charisma?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Van Edwards explains that <strong>charisma is a balance of <em>warmth <\/em>and <em>competence.<\/em><\/strong><em> <\/em>When you meet someone, you first subconsciously judge their warmth (approachability, empathy, and kindness), then their competence (skill, confidence, and air of authority). As you interact further, you continue subconsciously judging them along these lines.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You form these judgments by perceiving their <strong><em>cues: <\/em>verbal, nonverbal (behavioral), and symbolic signals of meaning<\/strong>\u2014like kind words, crossed arms, and even the color of their shirt. Van Edwards says your brain has evolved to interpret these cues in only a few milliseconds. This helps you immediately determine whether others are trustworthy (via warmth cues) and whether you can rely on them as competent allies or leaders (via competence cues).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Van Edwards describes charisma on a spectrum\u2014you might have no charisma, some charisma, or high charisma. She also lists a range of problems (and advantages) you may have interacting with others, depending on where you fall on that spectrum. Let\u2019s explore the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-charismatic-are-you\/\">spectrum of charisma<\/a> now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>No Charisma: Low Competence, Low Warmth<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>If you fail to display both warmth and competence cues, you have no charisma. <\/strong>Remember that others form a subconscious first impression of you based on your charismatic <em>cues<\/em>. You may have a warm and competent personality, but if you don\u2019t <em>demonstrate <\/em>these traits via cues, you\u2019ll project a cold, uncaring, irrational, and incompetent image. According to Van Edwards, this image damages your credibility. People won\u2019t be able to connect with you or see the value in what you have to offer, whether that\u2019s strategic insight or emotional support. This undermines your ability to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-influence-others\/\">influence others<\/a> and build relationships with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Some Charisma: High Competence, Low Warmth<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re a highly competent person, you likely value skillfulness, expertise, and problem-solving abilities. You probably care that others respect you for your talents and see you as an authority, so you (unconsciously) use competence cues to project such an image. However, Van Edwards says that <strong>when you naturally favor competence cues, you may neglect to use enough warmth cues<\/strong>. To illustrate, former Chancellor of Germany Angela Merkel falls into this category: She was known for her <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/short-reads\/2021\/09\/22\/merkel-will-end-her-tenure-in-office-as-a-leader-who-was-internationally-popular-during-tumultuous-times\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">competent leadership<\/a>, but both her supporters and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/people-who-dont-support-you\/\">detractors<\/a> acknowledged her <a href=\"https:\/\/www.spiegel.de\/international\/germany\/merkel-s-human-side-iron-angie-is-only-half-the-story-a-800715.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">lack of public emotion<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If your cues suggest you\u2019re highly competent, you have some charisma\u2014for example, people might be more willing to hear out your ideas. But since you don\u2019t use enough warmth cues, Van Edwards says others may see you as cold and uncaring. As a result, they might find it hard to work with you, or you may have trouble making friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Some Charisma: Low Competence, High Warmth<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re a very warm person, you likely value building genuine <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/realationships-with-others\/\">relationships with others<\/a> and seeking to truly understand them. You probably care whether other people approve of you, feel comfortable with you, and enjoy spending time with you. Van Edwards says that as a result, <strong>most of the cues you (unconsciously) project are warmth cues, and you may neglect to use enough competence cues. <\/strong>Food Network host Guy Fieri exemplifies this pattern: He\u2019s beloved for his <a href=\"https:\/\/www.buzzfeednews.com\/article\/scaachikoul\/guy-fieri-food-people-alison-roman-chrissy-teigen\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">good-natured enthusiasm<\/a>, but some critics <a href=\"https:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/lifestyle\/food\/guy-fieri-and-his-famous-donkey-sauce-call-it-quits-in-new-york\/2017\/12\/29\/211ef988-ecb3-11e7-9f92-10a2203f6c8d_story.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">question his competence<\/a> as a restaurateur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The warmth cues you project give you some charisma\u2014for example, people may be more willing to share personal secrets with you. However, Van Edwards explains that since you don\u2019t display enough competence cues, others may see you as<strong> <\/strong>irrational, inept, or difficult to respect. This can lead them to shut down your ideas, talk over you, or override your boundaries\u2014and since you care so much about their approval, you might find yourself tolerating their inappropriate behavior without protest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>High Charisma: High Competence, High Warmth<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Someone who expresses both warmth and competence cues is highly charismatic. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that since you project an image that\u2019s both highly competent and very warm, you enjoy all the benefits associated with each trait\u2014people subconsciously trust and want to collaborate with you. For example, say that you\u2019re the only expert in finance at your job. If you project a warm, competent image, people will respect your authority <em>and <\/em>enjoy working alongside you. This will make them feel more comfortable deferring to your expertise and seeking your guidance when they need it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, Van Edwards says most people <em>aren\u2019t <\/em>highly charismatic\u2014they tend to be dominant in one area (warmth or competence) at the expense of the other, or they may be lacking in both areas. Even if you feel that you\u2019re highly charismatic, there may still be room to grow\u2014learning more about how cues work can allow you to optimize your charisma by appearing warmer or more competent in different situations. For example, you might choose to use extra warmth cues during a first date to help you seem friendly and approachable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>How Understanding Cues Improves Your Charisma<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Van Edwards says anyone can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-be-more-charismatic\/\">become more charismatic<\/a> by understanding and strategically adopting warmth and competence cues. But <em>how <\/em>does this improve your charisma? Van Edwards\u2019s theory depends on<strong> the cycle of cue communication, which has three steps: perceiving, absorbing, and conveying. <\/strong>First, when you perceive someone\u2019s cue, you automatically begin trying to understand what it means\u2014what message are they sending you? After you\u2019ve perceived their cue, you absorb it\u2014it becomes part of your understanding of the situation, and you have an emotional reaction to this update. Finally, you convey a message back to the other person, either automatically or thoughtfully\u2014again, via your cues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To illustrate, say your friend frowns at a joke you\u2019ve made. Based on this cue, you might perceive that they found your joke offensive. As you absorb that information, you might feel embarrassed and make a mental note to yourself that the language you used was inappropriate. Then, you might apologize for the bad joke, using a verbal cue like imbuing your voice with emotion to convey your sincerity. (Then, the cycle continues\u2014they perceive your cues, absorb the information you\u2019ve conveyed, and send a message back, like accepting your apology.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Van Edwards argues that, the more you know about cues, the more likely you are to succeed at each step of this communicative process. The ability to recognize and understand common cues helps you perceive them accurately, which means you\u2019re more likely to absorb the right information and have an appropriate emotional response\u2014for example, you won\u2019t misinterpret your friend\u2019s frown as approval, feel pleased, and decide to repeat the joke to another friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, armed with your knowledge of cues and a decent understanding of the situation you\u2019re in, <strong>you can choose to display the cues that project a charismatic image. <\/strong>This helps you communicate effectively and shape the exchange in ways that benefit you, since people are more willing to trust and collaborate with you if you seem charismatic. For example, intentionally conveying more warmth via cues might help you recover from a faux pas (such as an offensive joke).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Adopt These Charismatic Cues<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that you know how understanding cue communication can benefit you, let\u2019s discuss the verbal and nonverbal cues Van Edwards says can boost your charisma. In every case, Van Edwards recommends that you <strong>only adopt cues that feel natural to you.<\/strong> If you fake a cue, others will detect the artifice and distrust you, damaging your charisma.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Charismatic Verbal Cues<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>V<em>erbal cues<\/em> are cues conveyed through speech or text. They include <em>word choice cues<\/em> (your vocabulary and punctuation choices) and <em>vocal cues <\/em>(techniques that make your spoken voice sound more charismatic). We\u2019ll cover all these cues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Charismatic Word Choice Cues<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Choose your words carefully.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that the words you use carry both surface-level and hidden information. For example, \u201cteaming up\u201d and \u201cworking jointly\u201d on a project have a similar <em>surface <\/em>meaning, but the former sounds <em>warmer <\/em>than the latter. To maximize your charisma, use a blend of warm and competent words.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Consider your emoji and punctuation use. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that in text and email, emojis and exclamation points signal warmth. She refers readers to Science of People\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.scienceofpeople.com\/emojis\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">emoji guide<\/a>, where she explains when (and when not) to use 45 different emojis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Imitate others\u2019 word choice<\/strong>. Van Edwards says if you subtly imitate someone\u2019s word choice, they\u2019ll feel validated, which improves your rapport with them. If they greet you in a certain way, return the same greeting. If they use warm words like \u201clove\u201d or \u201cencourage,\u201d use the same or similar words in your response. When communicating over text, you can even mimic their punctuation style.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Use charismatic language at the start and end of professional gatherings.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that using charismatic language (which signals both warmth and competence) at the start and finish of professional gatherings can inspire higher productivity and engagement. Here\u2019s a pop culture example: On the TV show <em>Grey\u2019s Anatomy, <\/em>charismatic surgeon Derek Shepherd often begins surgeries with the phrase, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/greysanatomy.fandom.com\/wiki\/It%27s_a_Beautiful_Night_to_Save_Lives\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">It\u2019s a beautiful day to save lives<\/a>.\u201d The \u201cbeautiful day\u201d portion conveys warmth, while \u201csave lives\u201d conveys competence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Use \u201ctouchy\u201d language when you\u2019re not face-to-face.<\/strong> It can be difficult to signal warmth during remote communication. Van Edwards says telling others you wish you could touch them with phrases like \u201cVirtual first bump!\u201d or \u201cSending you a kiss!\u201d can make you seem warm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Vocal Cues That Project Warmth<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Speak with feeling.<\/strong> Many people mistakenly believe that speaking with feeling\u2014that is, letting your emotions shine through your speech\u2014undermines your credibility. Van Edwards explains that the opposite is true: When you speak with feeling, your voice changes in subtle, momentary ways. These changes communicate authenticity, which makes listeners more likely to engage with the ideas you\u2019re sharing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Convey your interest when others are speaking.<\/strong> Van Edwards says you can use two types of vocal cues when others are speaking to show them you\u2019re engaged: interjections (for example, \u201cThat\u2019s wild!\u201d as someone tells a fascinating story) and affirmative sounds (like \u201chuh!\u201d in response to something that surprises you). You can also imitate the interjections and affirmative sounds others use in conversation with you to build rapport.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Vocal Cues That Project Competence<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Drop your voice\u2019s pitch as low as you can comfortably go.<\/strong> The deeper your voice, the more confident you\u2019ll seem. Van Edwards stresses that comfort is key here\u2014if you drop your pitch too low, it may be hard to speak consistently and others might perceive you as inauthentic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Project your voice.<\/strong> Breathe in deeply, then speak loudly as you exhale (but not before you exhale, or you\u2019ll run out of breath before you finish speaking)<em>.<\/em> Van Edwards explains that this will help you avoid speaking too quietly or with <em>vocal fry <\/em>(a gravelly voice quality), two vocal cues that signal a lack of self-confidence.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Vary your volume to match the content of your speech.<\/strong> Van Edwards suggests that this approach signals that your emotions and ideas are aligned, creating higher confidence in your claims. Raise your volume to emphasize your passion. Lower your volume to create the sense that you\u2019re including your listeners in something private and important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Pause instead of using filler words.<\/strong> It\u2019s common to use filler words like \u201cum\u201d and \u201cso\u201d to buy time when you\u2019re not sure what to say next and don\u2019t want listeners to mistakenly think you\u2019re done talking. However, Van Edwards says that filler words signal low confidence in the content of your speech, which <em>encourages <\/em>others to interrupt you. She recommends that you replace filler words with pauses, but only in the middle of a sentence, not at the end. Pausing mid-sentence creates a sense of anticipation that draws listeners in, while pausing at the end suggests that you\u2019re done speaking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Charismatic Nonverbal Cues<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Now that we\u2019ve covered verbal cues, let\u2019s explore the <em>nonverbal cues <\/em>Van Edwards describes. We\u2019ll start with behavioral cues (body language, facial expressions, and other physical techniques) that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-show-warmth\/\">project warmth<\/a>, competence, and overall charisma (both warmth and competence). Then, we\u2019ll discuss <em>personal branding <\/em>(visual cues that can evoke charismatic associations).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Behavioral Cues That Project Warmth<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Smile often, slowly, and genuinely.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that genuine smiling is one of the most effective ways to project warmth. They\u2019re also contagious\u2014when you smile at someone, they\u2019re likely to smile back at you, which facilitates social bonding. Smiling <em>slowly <\/em>can signal true delight and inspire laughter, another contagious warmth cue that strengthens your connection with someone. However, you should only smile genuinely\u2014Van Edwards warns that artificial smiles don\u2019t help you seem warmer, since it can be easy for others to tell they\u2019re disingenuous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Nod to be supportive.<\/strong> Van Edwards explains that when you nod in response to someone\u2019s speech, you support the speaker in two ways: First, your nod signals understanding and agreement. This is especially valuable when the speaker is sharing something vulnerable, like a difficult life experience, and needs validation to continue sharing. Second, if there are others around you, nodding can amplify the speaker\u2019s credibility\u2014by making it clear that you agree with the speaker, you increase the likelihood that others will, too. Both of these effects make you seem warmer and encourage the speaker to keep talking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Raise your eyebrows to signal engagement.<\/strong> In a conversation, raising your eyebrows signals a desire to know more about the conversation or your conversation partner. Van Edwards also says raising your eyebrows to someone you\u2019re <em>not <\/em>talking with signals a desire to <em>initiate <\/em>conversation. But she warns against raising your eyebrows <em>too<\/em> often, as this can make you seem bewildered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Respectfully touch others.<\/strong> When you touch someone, both your bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin that strengthens social bonds. Van Edwards says touching will improve your connection with others in all sorts of relationships, from business to romance. However, she warns that who, how, and when to touch is culturally determined. In Western cultures, it\u2019s usually appropriate to touch those you\u2019re not close to on the hands and forearms, while touching the upper arms, back, and cheeks is reserved for friends and family. Van Edwards also says you shouldn\u2019t pat someone\u2019s head (it\u2019s condescending) or touch anyone who seems uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Tilt your head in photos and in conversation. <\/strong>Van Edwards explains that tilting your head can indicate that you\u2019re <em>approachable<\/em>\u2014the gesture makes you physically vulnerable since it exposes your neck, which makes others perceive you as non-threatening. This is why many people naturally tilt their heads when posing for a photo. Tilting your head at someone you\u2019re talking with can also indicate that you\u2019re engaged, since it puts one ear closer to them (a sign that you\u2019re listening carefully to what they\u2019re saying). When you seem safe and engaged, you project a friendlier image. However, note that tilting your head can undermine your competence since it exposes your neck (a sign of submission), so use this cue sparingly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Selectively imitate others\u2019 nonverbal cues. <\/strong>Nonverbal cues communicate emotions that can be contagious\u2014if you\u2019re next to someone who\u2019s happy, you\u2019re more likely to feel happy (and vice versa). You can consciously imitate someone\u2019s warmth cues to amplify their positive emotions, which makes you seem warm. For example, if a coworker always greets you with a high five, you might respond with your own high fives or other forms of respectful touch. However, Van Edwards warns against imitating negative cues, which can detract from your warmth and worsen an already moody atmosphere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Imitating someone\u2019s cues can also signal that you agree with them, and validating their feelings or ideas can help warm them up to you. But Van Edwards says you should take care not to imitate someone\u2019s cues when you disagree with them, as that can send the wrong message.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Behavioral Cues That Project Competence<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Narrow your eyes.<\/strong> Narrowing your eyes makes you seem thoughtful and intense. It signals to others that you\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-pay-attention\/\">paying attention<\/a> and trying to understand\u2014though narrowing your eyes for longer than a few seconds seems unnatural. Van Edwards also says you can watch for eye narrowing to find opportunities to reinforce your competence: When someone\u2019s eyes suddenly narrow, it suggests that they just started analyzing something. This might mean you said something confusing or controversial, so you should pause to address the possible issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Steeple your fingers.<\/strong> Van Edwards says this cue conveys that you\u2019re earnest, self-assured, and a deep thinker. You\u2019re displaying your hands for everyone to see, which symbolically expresses that you have nothing to hide. Since you\u2019re suggesting that you\u2019re a deep thinker, steepling gives others a reason to think about (and believe in) what you\u2019ve said\u2014or if you\u2019re listening to someone else, it communicates that you\u2019re carefully considering what <em>they\u2019ve<\/em> said. However, Van Edwards warns against a gesture she calls \u201cevil fingers,\u201d where you steeple your hands and tap the tips of your fingers together. Evil fingers suggest that you\u2019re concocting a sinister plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Use explanatory gestures.<\/strong> Moving your hands and arms while you speak helps you convey information to others more efficiently (for example, you can use gestures that indicate the shape of something). When you gesture with purpose and grace, listeners pay more attention, understand you better, and find you more credible. However, Van Edwards warns against using very large or forceful gestures\u2014if you notice people looking at your hands or moving away when you gesture, dial it back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Behavioral Cues That Project Charisma<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Clear the path between you and your conversation partner. <\/strong>Van Edwards explains that when something comes between you and the person you\u2019re talking with\u2014whether that\u2019s your own crossed arms, an object like a laptop, or a piece of furniture\u2014it can signal that you\u2019re preoccupied, uninterested, anxious, or dismissive of their ideas. In contrast, when you clear the path between you and your conversation partner, you seem <em>open-minded<\/em>: receptive, approachable, and secure enough to explore others\u2019 ideas in good faith. This makes it easier for them to communicate openly with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Lean toward others. <\/strong>Consider how you might lean toward a blossoming tree that you want to smell. Similarly, when you lean toward someone, it\u2019s a sign that you\u2019re engrossed in them\u2014you want to see, hear, or otherwise perceive them more closely or even connect with them physically. This makes people feel like you\u2019re respectfully or even delightedly engaging with them. Van Edwards says that you can also <em>refrain <\/em>from leaning to respectfully indicate that you\u2019re not buying what someone\u2019s saying\u2014but don\u2019t lean back, as this signals standoffishness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Use space to your advantage. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that your proximity to others influences how they perceive your warmth: Closeness suggests mutual trust and comfort, while appropriate distance can signal that you respect others\u2019 boundaries. Additionally, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/career-progression-plan\/\">positioning yourself<\/a> next to someone who\u2019s important to the setting\u2014like a community leader, your manager, or the most popular person in a friend group\u2014can convey a privileged connection with them, enhancing your perceived competence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can use this process to foster closer relationships with personal and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/professional-contacts\/\">professional contacts<\/a>: First, observe their cues to determine whether they seem accepting or closed off. If they seem closed off (for example, because they have their arms crossed), don\u2019t get any closer\u2014this may make them feel uncomfortable. If they seem like they\u2019d welcome more closeness (for example, because they\u2019re getting closer to you), gradually close the distance. Sit or stand near them, or use behavioral cues like touching, leaning, and gesturing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Look into others\u2019 faces. <\/strong>Looking into someone\u2019s face suggests that you\u2019re paying attention to them and that you\u2019re interested in understanding them. It\u2019s easier to interpret others\u2019 emotions when you look them in the face\u2014Van Edwards says you should take in a person\u2019s <em>whole <\/em>face, but pay special attention to their eyes. Looking into someone\u2019s eyes stimulates oxytocin production in both parties, which can enhance your ability to interpret each other\u2019s emotions <em>and <\/em>produce the mutual sensation of warmth. On the other hand, if you <em>don\u2019t <\/em>want to encourage intimacy with someone or if you want them to know you\u2019re not paying attention to them, avert your eyes. You should also reduce eye contact if someone seems uncomfortable with it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Personal Branding Cues<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p>In addition to using your speech and behavior, Van Edwards says you can influence how others perceive you by manipulating visual cues to concoct a unique, charismatic \u201cpersonal brand\u201d that brings to mind certain associations. Your personal brand includes factors like your wardrobe, the colors you surround yourself with, and the imagery you use in professional contexts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s explore Van Edwards\u2019s tips for developing a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/charismatic-brand\/\">charismatic personal brand<\/a>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Curate your wardrobe.<\/strong> You can use your choice of clothing and accessories to signal warmth and competence in different measures. For example, if you always wear athleisure, others may subconsciously associate you with energy and vitality (competence cues) and see you as more approachable (a warmth cue) than someone who\u2019s always dressed formally. Van Edwards suggests matching your wardrobe to the stereotypes whose associations you wish to embody, but she also notes that breaking the mold can be impactful because unexpected attire grabs others\u2019 attention.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Consider color.<\/strong> Van Edwards contends that a few colors\u2014red, yellow, green, and blue\u2014have meanings that are nearly universal. You can use these colors strategically in your wardrobe, decor, presentations, and in other contexts to help others perceive you in a specific way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Red is associated with rushes of blood, which can convey excitement, danger, or urgency, so you can use it to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/48-laws-of-power-law-6-create-an-air-of-mystery\/\">attract attention<\/a>.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Yellow is associated with sunlight and can evoke happiness, but it works best in small doses because it can strain the eyes.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Green is associated with nature, so you can use it to signal environmentalism and good health.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Blue is associated with tranquil skies and bodies of water, so it makes people feel at ease, which can help them focus.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Use imagery associated with competence and warmth in professional contexts.<\/strong> For example, if you\u2019re a therapist, you might stock your office with both reference books and comforting decor like art and plants to elicit clients\u2019 trust in your services. Similarly, in remote work contexts, you can use imagery to curate your online presence and your background in video calls to convey the ideal mix of competence and warmth cues. Van Edwards explains that some clients will respond better to warmth cues than competence cues or vice versa\u2014so you can tailor the imagery you use according to the clients you\u2019d like to attract.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Mitigate These Anti-Charismatic Cues<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>We\u2019ve covered the cues Van Edwards says you should use to cultivate charisma\u2014now, let\u2019s discuss the cues you should mitigate or avoid. We\u2019ll describe the cues that signal <em>contemptibility<\/em>\u2014the absence of warmth and competence\u2014and provide alternatives you can use to minimize contemptibility. Finally, we\u2019ll discuss how to counter others\u2019 biases, which could lead them to unfairly perceive you as uncharismatic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Mitigate Contemptible Cues&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Contemptible <\/em>cues counteract charisma by decreasing your perceived warmth, competence, or both, leading others to dismiss you. Just like charismatic cues, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/anti-charisma\/\">contemptible cues<\/a> fall into two categories: verbal and nonverbal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Contemptible Verbal Cues<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Asking questions when you mean to make a statement. <\/strong>Van Edwards says that many people raise their pitch at the end of a sentence\u2014this variation in pitch is known as <em>question inflection, <\/em>and it signals that you\u2019re unsure of what you\u2019re saying. To <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-show-competence\/\">project competence<\/a> instead, maintain a steady pitch throughout your sentence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Uninteresting and pessimistic language. <\/strong>Van Edwards says when your words have uninteresting or pessimistic connotations, your audience <em>feels <\/em>uninterested and pessimistic. Because people avoid others who make them feel negative emotions, your audience will avoid interacting with you when you use such language. So opt for more interesting alternatives to banal language, and replace negatives with positives whenever possible. For example, instead of saying, \u201cI hope our trip isn\u2019t boring,\u201d use the positive inverse of the same statement: \u201cI hope our trip is <em>exciting<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h5 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Contemptible Nonverbal Cues<\/h5>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Defensive body language. <\/strong>Defensive body language includes protective poses such as crossing your arms as well as two other behaviors: covering your mouth and blocking your vision. The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.merriam-webster.com\/wordplay\/facepalm-words-were-watching\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">facepalm<\/a> is one notable example of defensive body language\u2014it suggests that you\u2019re feeling embarrassment (or secondhand embarrassment) and need to take a moment to recover. Defensive body language signals discomfort, shock, shame, or fear, so using it makes others feel anxious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Negative facial expressions.<\/strong> Many people unknowingly show facial expressions that signal sadness, irritation, and contempt\u2014like knitted eyebrows, pursed lips, smirks, and frowns\u2014even when they don\u2019t actually <em>feel <\/em>those emotions. To avoid having others misinterpret your emotions, Van Edwards encourages you to be mindful of your facial expressions at all times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Self-soothing gestures.<\/strong> These are small, compulsive, self-focused gestures like fidgeting with your keys, bouncing your leg, or peeling off your nail polish. You may only exhibit these behaviors out of habit, but they\u2019re off-putting because they make you seem stressed and lacking in self-control. To prevent self-soothing, Van Edwards suggests preoccupying yourself by giving your hands or legs and feet something more natural and purposeful to do. For example, if you want to stop fidgeting with your keys in class, you could take notes or even doodle instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Confirming Unconscious Biases<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Van Edwards points out that others may have <em>unconscious biases <\/em>against you because they unconsciously subscribe to certain stereotypes. For example, if you\u2019re a Black woman, you may encounter the <a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/24188294\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">\u201cangry Black woman\u201d stereotype<\/a>, which makes others perceive you as overly hostile or aggressive regardless of your actual demeanor and behavior. Van Edwards says that even though it\u2019s unfair for the responsibility of counteracting these stereotypes to fall on you, it may benefit you to purposefully counteract them anyway. If you\u2019re concerned about how being perceived as an angry Black woman could harm your career, for example, you could employ extra warmth cues during workplace disagreements to protect your professional image.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is charisma something you&#8217;re born with, or can it be learned? What&#8217;s the secret to becoming more influential and respected in your personal and professional lives? Cues, a book by Vanessa Van Edwards, contends that anyone can boost their charisma by understanding and strategically using verbal and nonverbal cues. She explains that charisma is a balance of warmth and competence, which we can project through our words, body language, and personal branding. Continue reading for an overview of this practical book.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":133387,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,34,43],"tags":[1633],"class_list":["post-133380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-books","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-cues","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Cues: Book Overview &amp; Key Takeaways (Vanessa Van Edwards) - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Charisma is the quality that makes others pay attention to you. 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