{"id":133271,"date":"2024-11-20T15:51:42","date_gmt":"2024-11-20T19:51:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=133271"},"modified":"2024-11-29T16:34:03","modified_gmt":"2024-11-29T20:34:03","slug":"pseudo-connection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/pseudo-connection\/","title":{"rendered":"How Pseudo-Connections Fuel Tech Addiction (Adam Alter)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What&#8217;s a pseudo-connection? Why is it a danger to your mental health?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As humans, we care about what other people think of us because, evolutionarily speaking, their support improves our chances of survival. Adam Alter suggests that much modern technology, from social media to video games, appeals to this aspect of the human psyche because it champions pseudo-connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Discover more about pseudo-connections and the harm they&#8217;re causing to our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technology-facilitates-pseudo-connection\"><strong>Technology Facilitates Pseudo-Connection<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Because humans are inherently social, we&#8217;re bound to want people to like us. You\u2019re incentivized to project a likable image, so you use a filter on your selfies. You also want to know that others <em>think <\/em>in the same way that you do, so you seek validation from others\u2019 reactions to your online presence. However, you want to feel unique, so you seek out disagreement as well. But if that disagreement is insulting\u2014for example, in video game trash talk\u2014you might feel wounded, which drives you to seek <em>more <\/em>reassurance online.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Online interactions can\u2019t satisfy your inherent social needs. They\u2019re <\/strong><strong><em>pseudo<\/em><\/strong><strong>-connections<\/strong>; they lack the characteristics that make real-life interactions meaningful and fulfilling. For example, you can\u2019t make eye contact or pick up on behavioral cues like <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a> over text, so some ideas could get lost in translation. Furthermore, children who communicate with others primarily online may miss out on learning how to decipher those cues and sustain in-person conversations in the first place. Alter offers an example: Teenage boys whose primary social outlet is video games struggle to regulate their emotions and relate to others, which prevents them from forming intimate relationships and can contribute to pornography addiction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Pseudo-Connections and Pornography Addiction<\/strong><br><br>Alter says we seek out pseudo-connections via technology because humans are evolutionarily wired to crave social support. One reason for this is that social support facilitates cooperation (we\u2019re <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S0376635717303273\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">more likely to cooperate with those we identify with<\/a>), which <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thesocialcreatures.org\/thecreaturetimes\/evolution-of-social-connection\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">helped our ancestors<\/a> access resources and protect themselves effectively. At the same time, as Alter mentions, we want to feel sufficiently unique. Experts use <a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/referenceworkentry\/10.1007\/978-3-319-28099-8_1144-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>optimal distinctiveness theory<\/em><\/a> to explain this balance: We strive to maintain a sense of individuality while also feeling connected to a larger group. This need drives, for example, <a href=\"https:\/\/link.springer.com\/article\/10.1007\/s12144-015-9331-0\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">niche online fandom activity<\/a>\u2014members feel both unique in their tastes <em>and <\/em>connected to other unique individuals.<br><br>Although Alter suggests that online interactions are pseudo-connections that can\u2019t fulfill your needs, other evidence demonstrates the value of technologically facilitated connection (TFC). Consider that in some situations, TFC is the <em>only <\/em>or <em>best <\/em>option for connection. For example, technology helps <a href=\"https:\/\/www.asha.org\/njc\/aac\/#:~:text=Augmentative%20and%20alternative%20communication%20(AAC)%20describes%20multiple%20ways%20to%20communicate,with%20severe%20expressive%20communication%20disorders.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">people with communicative disabilities<\/a> engage in meaningful conversations with others. It also helped people <a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/internet\/2021\/09\/01\/how-the-internet-and-technology-shaped-americans-personal-experiences-amid-covid-19\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">maintain social bonds through the Covid-19 pandemic<\/a>, when in-person connection was dangerous. Similarly, online gaming friends and long-distance couples know well that, although they may long for the chance to interact with each other in person, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.thefledger.com\/post\/online-friendships-are-not-a-joke\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">digital relationships can be every bit as meaningful<\/a> as in-person relationships.<br><br>Besides being <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/meaningful-relationships-ray-dalio\/\">meaningful relationships<\/a> in their own right, many <a href=\"https:\/\/www.jcfs.org\/response\/blog\/video-games-are-social-spaces-how-video-games-help-people-connect\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">online friendships between gamers<\/a> later become real-life friendships, and they can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.unco.edu\/news\/articles\/social-gaming-anxiety-and-loneliness.aspx\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">reduce loneliness<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.liebertpub.com\/doi\/full\/10.1089\/cyber.2021.29211.editorial\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">improve kids\u2019 social skills<\/a>. And while Alter fears that these boys will develop porn addictions, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/technology\/2015\/may\/11\/the-cliche-of-lone-male-gamer-needs-to-be-destroyed\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">such fears may be unsupported<\/a>: Some experts suggest <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/talking-apes\/202207\/the-trouble-porn-addiction\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">porn addiction rates are grossly exaggerated<\/a> by those who are morally opposed to viewing pornography. Additionally, studies suggest that many people who play classically addictive games have <a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/S1875952113000128\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">healthy social lives<\/a>, which may <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC10658102\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">protect against excessive porn use<\/a>.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What&#8217;s a pseudo-connection? Why is it a danger to your mental health? As humans, we care about what other people think of us because, evolutionarily speaking, their support improves our chances of survival. Adam Alter suggests that much modern technology, from social media to video games, appeals to this aspect of the human psyche because it champions pseudo-connections. Discover more about pseudo-connections and the harm they&#8217;re causing to our lives.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":134083,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12],"tags":[1631],"class_list":["post-133271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-irresistible","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How Pseudo-Connections Fuel Tech Addiction (Adam Alter) - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Social media has made pseudo-connections normal, but they&#039;re doing more harm than good. 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