{"id":131711,"date":"2024-10-01T16:15:20","date_gmt":"2024-10-01T20:15:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=131711"},"modified":"2024-10-02T16:42:47","modified_gmt":"2024-10-02T20:42:47","slug":"how-to-avoid-conflict-in-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-avoid-conflict-in-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Avoid Conflict in Relationships: 3 Tips for Keeping the Peace"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How effective are you at maintaining harmony in your relationships? Do you get into squabbles or hostile situations more than you’d like to?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Healthy relationships<\/a> are crucial for our well-being, but it’s not always easy. In How to Become a People Magnet<\/em>, Marc Reklau lays out three key strategies to help you navigate potential disagreements and keep your relationships moving in a positive direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to get Reklau’s three-part advice for how to avoid conflict<\/a> in relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Avoiding Conflict in Relationships<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Reklau explains that, to maintain good relationships with others<\/a>, you should try to avoid any kind of conflict. Conflict is a lose-lose situation\u2014even if you get what you want, you still make the other person feel bad and damage your relationship.<\/strong> He has three pieces of advice for how to avoid conflict in relationships: don\u2019t take offense<\/a> easily, don\u2019t try to change others, and make sure any criticism you give is constructive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Some authors disagree with Reklau, suggesting that there are upsides to conflict. In Conflicted<\/em><\/a>, columnist Ian Leslie claims that arguments can provide unique opportunities for insight and new ideas if you approach them in a productive, rational way. This is because arguments often provide new perspectives\u2014you might have to defend your own beliefs from an angle you hadn\u2019t previously considered or reckon with a new argument for something you disagree with. Leslie suggests that, when done correctly, arguing can strengthen connections by teaching people to respect each other\u2019s opinions.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1) Don\u2019t Take Offense<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To avoid conflict, Reklau suggests you don\u2019t take offense to what other people say and do. When you treat their words and actions as personal attacks, you\u2019re more likely to get hurt and become confrontational.<\/strong> Instead of assuming people are trying to judge or insult you, ask them what they mean. If they\u2019re offering constructive criticism, you can learn a lot by listening and being open to it. And if someone is<\/em> judging or insulting you, tell yourself that it\u2019s their problem and that getting into an argument won\u2019t help anything. You should remain positive even if someone is being mean and be willing to forgive them\u2014getting mad and holding grudges wastes time and energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, Tim tells Amy that she\u2019s \u201ca very tough person.\u201d Instead of assuming Tim is calling her mean and harsh, Amy asks him what he means. Tim says he meant that she\u2019s determined and strong even during hard times. By not taking offense right away to Tim\u2019s comment, Amy avoided potential conflict. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: If you\u2019re struggling to not take offense to what others say and do, you might have to look inside yourself for a deeper cause. Mental health experts explain that taking things personally often stems from deeper negative feelings<\/a>, like a specific insecurity or fear of being judged. These deeper feelings can then be triggered by specific comments or words, causing you to feel hurt and get defensive to protect yourself. In other words, you assume others are trying to hurt you, so you take offense. To determine if there\u2019s a deeper cause leading you to take things personally, consider how you interpreted whatever bothered you, other ways you could have interpreted it, and how your interpretation touched on an emotional sore spot.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2) Don\u2019t Try to Change Others<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

You can also avoid conflict by not trying to change the opinions and behaviors of others, <\/strong>explains Reklau. People are usually set in their ways and tend to get more stubborn and defensive when challenged. Because of this, trying to change others is usually an unproductive source of tension. Reklau recommends you avoid the urge to change others by focusing on people\u2019s strengths instead of their faults<\/strong>. When you pay more attention to what you like<\/em> about someone, you\u2019ll want to change them less. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In some instances, changing other people can be a mutually positive experience that doesn\u2019t create conflict<\/a>\u2014such as helping someone improve in an area of their life or trying to alter the behaviors responsible for relationship struggles. In these instances, psychologists suggest you approach whoever you want to help from a place of love and care, and only proceed so long as they seem onboard. Otherwise, you\u2019ll run into the unproductive defensiveness Reklau describes.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3) Give Constructive Criticism<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Reklau recommends that you avoid criticizing others<\/a> as much as possible since you can\u2019t change others and should avoid potential conflicts. But if you do need to offer criticism, he suggests framing it positively and constructively<\/strong>. This makes people feel less judged or personally attacked, leading to fewer conflicts. For example, you offer praise before and after your criticism to soften it with positivity, and ask the other person for potential solutions so they feel like you\u2019re working together to constructively address the problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The authors of The One Minute Manager<\/em><\/a> <\/em>note that you can also take steps before <\/em>offering feedback to help keep any future criticism positive and constructive. They recommend you set clear expectations and standards well in advance of any criticism<\/a>. Having clear standards means your feedback will be clearer and less likely to surprise people. This lowers the chances of any misunderstandings or unpleasant surprises that might lead to conflict.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How effective are you at maintaining harmony in your relationships? Do you get into squabbles or hostile situations more than you’d like to? Healthy relationships are crucial for our well-being, but it’s not always easy. In How to Become a People Magnet, Marc Reklau lays out three key strategies to help you navigate potential disagreements and keep your relationships moving in a positive direction. Continue reading to get Reklau’s three-part advice for how to avoid conflict in relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":131719,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12,43],"tags":[1609],"class_list":["post-131711","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-how-to-become-a-people-magnet","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Avoid Conflict in Relationships: 3 Tips for Keeping the Peace - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Conflict is a lose-lose situation\u2014even if you get what you want, you damage your relationship. 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