{"id":130259,"date":"2024-09-30T11:56:03","date_gmt":"2024-09-30T15:56:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=130259"},"modified":"2024-10-04T12:13:05","modified_gmt":"2024-10-04T16:13:05","slug":"how-to-get-information-out-of-someone-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-get-information-out-of-someone-2\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Get Information Out of Someone: 4 Influential Techniques"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you having trouble getting a read on a person? Do you know how to get information out of someone<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A behavior profile<\/a> can be an invaluable tool in understanding, relating to, and influencing someone. However, there may be times when you need even more information from someone\u2014which they may not be eager to share. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re stuck in this situation, keep reading to learn how to do some strategic prompting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Eliciting Important Information<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

According to Hughes, the key to prompting others to share information is to make them feel like they\u2019ve offered it willingly<\/strong>. You\u2019ll get more information if your conversation feels natural than if it feels like an interrogation. Additionally, information-sharing tends to compound: The more information you obtain, the more of a connection the other person will feel with you, and the more that person will continue to open up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why People Share More If They Feel They\u2019re Doing It Willingly<\/strong>

The reason people will share more if they feel they\u2019re doing so willingly may relate to the psychological concept of the self-determination theory<\/a>. This theory posits that people have a basic need for autonomy, or feeling in control of their actions. If people feel like they\u2019re in control of the situation, they may feel more intrinsically motivated to share information\u2014whereas, when they feel out of control, they\u2019ll need to be motivated by extrinsic factors like receiving a reward or avoiding a punishment. 

Additionally, people sometimes feel threatened when they\u2019re questioned, which can make them less forthcoming\u2014particularly with incriminating information<\/a>. Because of their focus on creating a natural conversation based on connection, Hughes\u2019s techniques may reduce the perceived threat or sense of interrogation in your interaction, which can get you more information.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

We’ll explain how to get information out of someone with leading statements, flattery, complaint baiting, and mirroring their speech. You can use your behavior profile to enhance these techniques, or you can use them on their own if you haven\u2019t yet formed your behavior profile. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Technique #1: Leading Statements<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Hughes, you can use leading statements to prod someone to share information you\u2019re interested in. These are statements meant to provoke a response from the other person on a topic you\u2019ve subtly introduced.<\/strong> For example, if you\u2019re speaking to your child\u2019s new teacher and want to get a sense of how much homework they assign, you could say, \u201cI bet you spend a lot of time grading students\u2019 homework.\u201d If they respond with, \u201cYes, it takes about two hours each day to get through it all,\u201d then you know they assign a lot of homework. Alternatively, if they say, \u201cNot really, I spend more time grading in-class work,\u201d then you can assume this teacher assigns less homework. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

By doing this instead of directly asking \u201cDo you assign a lot of homework?\u201d the teacher won\u2019t feel interrogated or get defensive. Instead, they\u2019ll feel a connection with you because you made an empathetic statement that highlighted their hard work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: You may also want to ask questions<\/em> that provoke a response from the other person. In Spy the Lie<\/em><\/a>, the authors recommend asking loaded questions<\/a> to get more information from someone you\u2019re talking to. Loaded questions beg a response beyond a simple \u201cyes\u201d or \u201cno.\u201d For example, you might say to your child\u2019s teacher, \u201cIt seems like middle schoolers these days have more homework than I did when I was a kid\u2014why is that?\u201d.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Technique #2: Flattery<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When receiving compliments, most people feel naturally inclined to deflect them in order to appear modest. According to Hughes, the details of the deflection can reveal significant information<\/strong>. For example, if you attend a musical performance and speak to the performer afterward, you might say, \u201cThat was incredible, you\u2019re clearly very talented.\u201d They\u2019re likely to respond with modesty: \u201cOh no, I\u2019m lucky because my parents were able to get me private lessons as a child.\u201d This tells you multiple pieces of information: This person has been working on their craft for years and they\u2019re not self-taught, and it even gives you a glimpse into their family\u2019s socioeconomic status.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Experts suggest that the reason we feel the need to deflect compliments is because they catch us by surprise<\/a>, and surprise is an uncomfortable sensation that makes us feel emotionally vulnerable and not in control. By deflecting the compliment, we reestablish control and lessen that discomfort. People with low-self esteem may also find that the compliment conflicts with their current views of themselves, which can cause cognitive dissonance\u2014an inconsistency between their beliefs (a negative self-view) and the world around them (someone else\u2019s positive view of them). Cognitive dissonance is another uncomfortable feeling that we have an instinctual need to get rid of by rejecting what triggered it.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Technique #3: Complaint Baiting<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Hughes, complaining or venting feels freeing. This feeling of freedom can cause someone to get carried away, often disclosing more information (or more sensitive information) than they usually would\u2014thus establishing a connection with you.<\/strong> To bait someone into complaining, casually comment on a negative aspect of something they experience that\u2019s related to the information you want from them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, imagine you\u2019re a therapist working with a child who\u2019s struggling with their parents\u2019 divorce, but is reluctant to open up. When you ask them about school, they roll their eyes. Seizing on that, you say, \u201cIt must be frustrating to focus on your schoolwork while things are so difficult at home.\u201d They respond, \u201cYeah, especially my English class. I\u2019m supposed to spend an hour every day at home reading, but my dad moving out is so distracting I can\u2019t concentrate.\u201d You\u2019ve now made a connection with this client and have opened the door to further conversation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While someone\u2019s complaints can be very telling, habitual complaining can<\/em> be harmful. Complaining can help us feel validated<\/a> and connected to others, but it also may lead to rumination, constant complaining, or playing the victim<\/a>. This can push others away from you and create a negative environment. Thus, if you\u2019re trying to elicit information from an employee or someone you interact with regularly, prompting complaints frequently may backfire in the long run by damaging team morale or rapport.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Technique #4: Speech Mirroring <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Hughes explains that you can elicit information by reflecting what someone has said back to them. Reflecting someone\u2019s ideas makes them feel seen and heard,<\/strong> which creates a bond with them and prompts them to share more.<\/strong> One way you can do this is by simply repeating the last three words of their statement. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, you\u2019re at a community event, and you overhear a stranger remark, “I love the annual sci-fi convention here, I never miss it.” You mirror, “Never miss it?” The stranger, feeling acknowledged, opens up with enthusiasm: “Yeah, the speakers are always fantastic! And between you and me, I heard George Lucas is doing a panel this year.” Your simple, mirrored reply has now sparked an engaging conversation<\/a> about a shared passion, as well as some insight into a possible special guest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hughes notes that for best results, mirror the general idea of what the other person has said to you and then follow it up with a leading statement<\/strong>. For example, imagine you\u2019re at a speed dating event and want to quickly learn as much as you can about the other person\u2019s career and interests before it\u2019s time to switch dates. They mention that they\u2019re a special needs teacher who\u2019s worked in the local school system for seven years, so you say, \u201cSpecial needs? That sounds like a rewarding job.\u201d This combination of mirroring and a leading statement will prompt your date to share a ton of information.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Mirroring Works and Additional Tips<\/strong>

While Hughes focuses on making a conscious effort to mirror others, research shows that mirroring happens automatically as well. This is a result of the mirror neuron system in our brains<\/a>, which experts say evolved to help us better understand each other and form closer bonds. In other words, we\u2019re wired to feel good about mirroring\u2014which is likely why it helps so much with connection, communication, and conflict resolution<\/a>.

Other experts provide additional tips for mirroring techniques: In How to Talk to Anyone<\/em><\/a>, Leil Lowndes explains that you can further utilize mirroring by matching someone\u2019s mood<\/a>, using supportive statements like \u201cI see what you mean,\u201d and using words that imply friendship like \u201cwe\u201d and \u201cus.\u201d You could also combine Lowndes\u2019s supportive statements with Hughes\u2019s leading statements\u2014for example, \u201cI understand how you feel, I can only imagine how rewarding that job must be\u201d\u2014to enhance the empathetic bond you\u2019re aiming to create.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are you having trouble getting a read on a person? Do you know how to get information out of someone? A behavior profile can be an invaluable tool in understanding, relating to, and influencing someone. However, there may be times when you need even more information from someone\u2014which they may not be eager to share. If you’re stuck in this situation, keep reading to learn how to do some strategic prompting.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":131668,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,43],"tags":[1592],"class_list":["post-130259","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-six-minute-x-ray","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Get Information Out of Someone: 4 Influential Techniques - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Did you know you can get information out of someone without directly asking for it? 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