{"id":130109,"date":"2024-09-16T10:11:33","date_gmt":"2024-09-16T14:11:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=130109"},"modified":"2026-01-23T14:46:38","modified_gmt":"2026-01-23T18:46:38","slug":"conflict-resolution-plan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/conflict-resolution-plan\/","title":{"rendered":"Conflict Resolution Plan: What to Do Before a Confrontation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you have an unresolved conflict in your life? What’s the best way to approach it without making the situation worse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People<\/em>, Ren\u00e9e Evenson emphasizes the importance of creating a conflict resolution<\/a> plan before engaging in challenging conversations. She provides practical strategies to help readers navigate tense situations with empathy and composure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read on to discover how you can develop a robust conflict resolution plan and improve your communication skills<\/a> when things get tense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Plan How You\u2019ll Resolve the Conflict<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Evenson explains that conflicts of any kind are often emotionally charged\u2014it’s natural to feel hurt, angry, or defensive if you believe someone has wronged you. However, if you confront the other person while<\/em> strongly feeling these emotions, you\u2019re likely to escalate the situation, triggering intense emotional reactions. Thus, the two of you will be less likely to cooperate and look for a mutually satisfying resolution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, when you first realize that resolution is necessary, take some time to calm down<\/a>, analyze the situation<\/a> rationally, and make a conflict resolution plan<\/strong> before talking to the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Calm Down and Plan, Even If You\u2019re in a Good Mood<\/strong>

Everson warns that initiating conflict resolution while in a bad mood will escalate the conflict. However, in some cases, it can also be harmful to start conflict resolution if you\u2019re in too good<\/em> of a mood. Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves note in Emotional Intelligence 2.0<\/em><\/a> that when in a great mood, you\u2019re more prone to making hasty decisions without thinking them through<\/a>, which could also escalate a conflict.

For example, imagine you\u2019re feeling ecstatic after receiving a surprise bonus for outstanding performance. This confidence boost motivates you to impulsively confront a co-worker who\u2019s had an annoyingly loud electric fan running on their desk for weeks. However, because you rush into this conflict resolution, you end up aggressively accusing the person you\u2019re confronting in front of other co-workers, embarrassing them and triggering a furious reaction. This ruins your chance at collaboration, like getting the office to turn down the thermostat. Instead, you should have taken time to make a rational plan once you decided conflict resolution was necessary.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ll explain why empathy is vital when planning for conflict resolution. Then, we\u2019ll describe how to mentally rehearse<\/a> for conflict resolution. We\u2019ll also cover what to do if someone surprises you with a confrontation and you don\u2019t have time to plan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice Empathy While Planning<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Evenson recommends that, during this planning time, you should re-examine the situation from the other person\u2019s point of view. It’s easy to assume that someone has deliberately wronged you or is being unreasonable, but this isn\u2019t always the case. If you consider alternative explanations, you may realize that the conflict is the result of a misunderstanding<\/strong>, and they had valid reasons to act how they did. Empathizing with the other person will help you remain calm and solution-oriented during the conflict resolution.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, imagine you discover that your co-worker scheduled a meeting with your entire team without you. Initially, you feel enraged because you assume that they intentionally excluded you, knowing that you\u2019d disagree with their strategy proposal. However, after imagining the situation from their perspective, you realize that you mentioned you needed to concentrate on uninterrupted work this week. They were probably excluding you out of courtesy. This helps you approach your co-worker from a place of calm and understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In The Gardener and the Carpenter<\/em><\/a>, Alison Gopnik contends that you can train yourself to consider alternative explanations beyond your first assumptions by reading fiction<\/a>. In fiction, you see from the point of view of characters very different from yourself, strengthening your capacity for empathy and helping you understand a broader variety of perspectives. This skill is called counterfactual<\/a> thinking.<\/em>)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mentally Rehearse the Conflict Resolution<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Evenson notes that in addition to preparing emotionally, you should plan whatever practical details of the conflict resolution you can. Think through the points you want to make and anticipate the other person\u2019s potential reactions.<\/strong> Mentally rehearsing a calm and constructive conflict resolution will make it easier to act that way during the conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While mental rehearsal can equip you to better handle conflict resolution, this habit can be harmful if you\u2019re prone to anxiety<\/a>. When some people try to predict how a conversation will go, their minds conjure up frightening worst-case scenarios. Consequently, they feel more anxious and stressed instead of confident and well-prepared. If this happens to you, remind yourself that an imperfect conflict resolution isn\u2019t the end of the world, and try to move on.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How to Plan After Someone Confronts You<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Evenson warns that taking time to reflect on the situation can be particularly difficult if someone surprises you with a confrontation<\/strong>. This can happen if you\u2019ve offended someone without realizing it. When someone angrily confronts you, you\u2019ll likely feel defensive: You\u2019ll want to immediately deny their accusations and make some of your own to get even.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, try your best to stay calm. Let the other person get everything off their chest before speaking\u2014interrupting them will only frustrate them further. Furthermore, show the other person that you\u2019re genuinely listening: They\u2019ll be more likely to cooperate if it seems like you understand their grievances and empathize with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dealing With Passive-Aggressive Confrontations<\/strong>

In The Laws of Human Nature<\/em><\/a>, Robert Greene notes that sometimes, others may surprise you with passive-aggressive <\/em>confrontation<\/a>: They try to manipulate you in a way that doesn\u2019t look like direct aggression, so they can convince themselves and others that they\u2019re innocent. For example, they may do something to upset you, but when you try to address it, they’ll make you feel like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. This can cause you to get angry and defensive, making you look like the \u201cbad guy.\u201d

Greene notes that if this happens, it\u2019s especially important to stay calm. As this example illustrates, passive-aggressors\u2019 strategies often revolve around manipulating your emotions. If they don\u2019t get the reactions they want from you, they\u2019ll realize their tactics aren\u2019t working and they\u2019ll hopefully stop being passive-aggressive.

Unlike Evenson, Greene doesn\u2019t seem to believe that genuinely listening to the aggressor will convince them to empathize and cooperate with you. He suggests that instead of spending time and emotional energy<\/a> trying to understand them, you should do everything you can to avoid people who habitually act passive-aggressively. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you have an unresolved conflict in your life? What’s the best way to approach it without making the situation worse? In Powerful Phrases for Dealing with Difficult People, Ren\u00e9e Evenson emphasizes the importance of creating a conflict resolution plan before engaging in challenging conversations. She provides practical strategies to help readers navigate tense situations with empathy and composure. Read on to discover how you can develop a robust conflict resolution plan and improve your communication skills when things get tense.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":130118,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12,43],"tags":[1590],"class_list":["post-130109","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-powerful-phrases-for-dealing-with-difficult-people","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nConflict Resolution Plan: What to Do Before a Confrontation - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Relational conflicts can be made worse if you approach them the wrong way. 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