{"id":1288,"date":"2019-09-18T07:43:49","date_gmt":"2019-09-18T11:43:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=1288"},"modified":"2022-04-12T17:09:23","modified_gmt":"2022-04-12T21:09:23","slug":"rule-9-assume-that-the-person-you-are-listening-to-might-know-something-you-dont-jordan-peterson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/rule-9-assume-that-the-person-you-are-listening-to-might-know-something-you-dont-jordan-peterson\/","title":{"rendered":"Rule 9: Assume That The Person You Are Listening To Might Know Something You Don’t"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In 12 Rules for Life, Rule #9 is “Assume That The Person You Are Listening To Might Know Something You Don’t.” What does this mean? How should you behave so that you believe the other person knows something you don’t?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In essence, Jordan Peterson’s Rule 9 instructs you to go into every conversation believing that you have something to learn<\/strong>. Let the other person talk. Don’t just spend your time waiting to respond – actually listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’ll cover 12 Rules for Life<\/em>‘s Rule 9 in much more detail below.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Overview of Jordan Peterson’s Rule 9 <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve all been in situations where someone seems to be talking endlessly, and we\u2019re tempted to disengage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But take a more generous view of the situation. According to 12 Rules for Life<\/em>‘s Rule 9, people talk because this is how they think.<\/strong> They explore past events, discover how they feel about it, simulate the world, and plan how to act in it. They can figure out what stupid things they shouldn\u2019t do, then not do them. They formulate the problem they are struggling with, before designing a solution. You\u2019re doing them a favor by listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some people are capable of thinking alone and have internal conversations with themselves. This is more difficult than talking out loud with another person – it requires you to model other points of view (in effect being multiple people at the same time), have the models disagree, and resolve the disagreement. This is demanding, requiring you to tolerate conflict and adjust your perceptions of the world<\/a> internally. 
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Thus, many people prefer to talk to a listener. They organize their brains with conversation.<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thus rises the classic stereotype in how men and women treat conversation differently. According to 12 Rules for Life<\/em>‘s Rule 9, women want to converse as a mode of thinking<\/a>, going over their day and struggles they\u2019ve faced. In response, men want to design efficient solutions and move on. Rushing this process robs the speaker of their ability to think<\/strong>, and it signals that you dismiss the importance of what the speaker has to say. Instead, the speaker feels a need to formulate the problem in conversation. They need to be listened to and questioned to ensure clarity in the formulation. Only then is there a problem that is solvable.<\/strong>
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As a listener, you are helping the other person think. <\/strong>True listening is paying attention<\/a> and accepting what the person has to say. <\/p>\n\n\n\n