{"id":128718,"date":"2024-09-11T12:04:29","date_gmt":"2024-09-11T16:04:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=128718"},"modified":"2024-09-18T12:55:37","modified_gmt":"2024-09-18T16:55:37","slug":"parenting-communication-skills","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/parenting-communication-skills\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Communication Skills: Respect and &#8220;I&#8221; Statements"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why doesn&#8217;t yelling work when teaching your child right from wrong? How can you communicate to your child with respect?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you want to be closer to your child, communicate with them respectfully. They may be younger and smaller than you, but when you talk to them like adults, they&#8217;ll show the same respect back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Take a look at essential parenting communication skills you need to pick up on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-communicate-respectfully\"><strong>Communicate Respectfully<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Clarke-Fields says that when you\u2019re frustrated, it\u2019s tempting to communicate in ways that emphasize your power in the relationship\u2014demanding, threatening, or dismissing\u2014to get your kid to comply with your request. However, these approaches often signal to your child that they\u2019re a problem to be fixed rather than a person with their own <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors\/\">thoughts and feelings<\/a>, which will hurt your relationship over time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Communicate Your Expectations<\/strong><br><br>While it\u2019s important to communicate respectfully with your children, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, authors of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-and-listen-so-kids-will-talk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk<\/em><\/a><em>,<\/em> explain that it\u2019s equally important to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-and-listen-so-kids-will-talk#set-expectations\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">set clear expectations for kids<\/a>. This involves outlining specific rules and boundaries so that children understand what is expected of them.&nbsp;According to Faber and Mazlish, clear expectations help children feel more secure and confident, as they know exactly what behaviors are acceptable and which ones are not. <br><br>Furthermore, having a consistent framework of expectations can also prevent misunderstandings and reduce the likelihood of conflicts. When children are aware of the established guidelines, they\u2019re better equipped to make informed decisions and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/accepting-responsibility\/\">take responsibility<\/a> for their actions.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Clarke-Fields writes that to shift away from these counterproductive patterns, use parenting communication skills that refocus requests on &#8220;I&#8221; statements rather than &#8220;you&#8221; accusations. Express your own unmet needs instead of attributing blame. For example, instead of yelling \u201cNo yelling,\u201d you could say, &#8220;When you yell, I feel overwhelmed and can&#8217;t focus.&#8221; This strategy both allows you to advocate for your needs and serves as a vital lesson for your child. It teaches them to consider how their actions impact others. It also gives them a model to name what they\u2019re feeling when their needs aren\u2019t met.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: &#8220;I-messages&#8221; were popularized by Thomas Gordon, a clinical psychologist, in his book <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Parent-effectiveness-training-responsible-children\/dp\/B0006CFCBY\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Parent Effectiveness Training<\/em><\/a> (1970). Gordon introduced the concept as a communication tool to help parents express their feelings and needs in a non-confrontational and empathetic manner. The idea behind &#8220;I-messages&#8221; is that by focusing on one&#8217;s own feelings rather than criticizing or blaming the other person (&#8220;You-messages&#8221;), parents can foster more open, respectful, and effective communication with their children. This technique has since been widely adopted in various contexts beyond parenting, such as in education, counseling, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-conflict-resolution\/\">conflict resolution<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Clarke-Fields acknowledges that &#8220;I-messages&#8221; are not perfect tools, but as you use them more, your child will learn they can trust you to treat them with respect and consideration and will be more willing to cooperate. She advises being patient when adopting new communication strategies as it may take time to build back trust with your kid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Using \u201cI-messages\u201d fosters trust and models respectful communication, tapping into the concept of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3898692\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">mirror neurons\u2014brain cells that fire both when an action is performed and when it is observed<\/a>. By consistently using &#8220;I statements,&#8221; you&#8217;re essentially demonstrating how to express feelings and needs without blame, which your child then mirrors. This method doesn&#8217;t just mend trust; it actively teaches empathy and emotional intelligence, crucial skills for cooperative interactions.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why doesn&#8217;t yelling work when teaching your child right from wrong? How can you communicate to your child with respect? If you want to be closer to your child, communicate with them respectfully. They may be younger and smaller than you, but when you talk to them like adults, they&#8217;ll show the same respect back. Take a look at essential parenting communication skills you need to pick up on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":130181,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,13],"tags":[1572],"class_list":["post-128718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-parenting","tag-raising-good-humans","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Parenting Communication Skills: Respect and &quot;I&quot; Statements - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Have you unintentionally placed blame on your child when showing what they did wrong? 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