{"id":125142,"date":"2024-03-27T15:24:00","date_gmt":"2024-03-27T19:24:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=125142"},"modified":"2024-04-02T15:48:00","modified_gmt":"2024-04-02T19:48:00","slug":"how-to-improve-active-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-improve-active-listening\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Improve Active Listening: 3 Tips From Verbal Judo"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you listen more than you talk? What’s your primary goal when you communicate? What can you learn about listening from an octopus?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It probably comes as no surprise that listening well is important. Active listening is a specific skill that’s invaluable in all aspects of life, and it’s part of the practice of Verbal Judo\u2014a set of techniques that help you handle any tense situation calmly. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more for George Thompson’s threefold advice on how to improve active listening and communicate more effectively as a result.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Active Listening in Verbal Judo<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One significant Verbal Judo technique is to put as much effort into your listening as you do into your talking. Thompson advises using a technique called active listening. This kind of listening involves not only listening purposefully to the other person, but staying open to what they have to say and communicating (verbally and non-verbally) that you\u2019re understanding. In Verbal Judo<\/em>, Thompson shares practical advice on how to improve active listening so you can communicate more effectively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Experts consider listening an active, rather than passive, skill<\/a>: one where you use verbal and nonverbal communication<\/a> to make everyone feel heard. But active listening isn\u2019t natural or comfortable for everyone. Often, neurotypical people learn to make direct eye contact, sit still, nod, and respond with facial expressions when they listen. That\u2019s not necessarily true for neurodivergent people, whose brains develop, learn, or process information in ways that aren\u2019t considered \u201ctypical.\u201d<\/a> They don\u2019t necessarily show that they\u2019re listening<\/a> in the same way, but that doesn\u2019t mean they aren\u2019t engaged. Experts say we should learn each other\u2019s communication styles<\/a> and body language<\/a> so everyone feels understood in the way they communicate.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Ask Them to Explain <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Going into a tense conversation, you might have some context to work with. But, when you need to know how someone is thinking or feeling, ask them<\/strong>! Thompson explains that active listening can involve asking open-ended questions about what\u2019s happening, what their opinions are, and how they\u2019d like the problem to be solved. As you listen, try to do so without jumping to conclusions<\/a> or being influenced by preconceived notions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Ask Whether You\u2019re Understanding Correctly<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Active listening doesn\u2019t require intuiting what the other person means: When you state a person\u2019s complaint back to them, you can also ask if you\u2019re understanding correctly.<\/strong> This question gives you a practical way to ensure you know what\u2019s happening. And it clearly shows the other person that you\u2019re trying to understand them. This can help them dial things back: They\u2019ll still be frustrated or angry, but they\u2019ll be more likely to cooperate with you to resolve the argument or problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Make It Obvious That You\u2019re Listening<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Another crucial part of active listening is letting the other person know you\u2019re really hearing them<\/strong>. Thompson argues that appearing to listen closely might be even more important than actually listening closely in de-escalating a tense situation. He recommends using your body language\u2014like making direct eye contact or nodding your head\u2014to show that you\u2019re listening. Or use phrases\u2014like \u201cI understand,\u201d \u201cThat makes sense,\u201d or \u201cI see\u201d\u2014to communicate that you\u2019re paying attention<\/a> to what they\u2019re saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Listening well takes a lot of work because we have to step outside our perspective to do it. Carl Rogers, one of the psychologists who coined the term \u201cactive listening,\u201d explained that listening can make someone else feel less alone and less stuck<\/a>. Asking questions, clarifying what the other person says, and affirming that you hear them, as Thompson suggests, can help you see things from their point of view. But to stay focused on that perspective, you have to resist the temptation to offer your interpretation, which Rogers noted often comes from \u201c[y]our own needs to see the world in certain ways.\u201d In other words, the goal isn\u2019t to find an opportunity to share your opinion, but to understand the other person better.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do Octopuses Practice Active Listening<\/a>, Too?<\/strong>

Using body language and other forms of nonverbal communication<\/a> is an important part of social interactions\u2014whether you\u2019re a human or an octopus. The Soul of an Octopus<\/em><\/a> author Sy Montgomery notes that research suggests that these animals are incredibly intelligent<\/a>, with their own emotions and personalities. (Some experts estimate octopuses are as intelligent as a three-year-old child<\/a>.) Scientists say that while octopuses were once thought to be strictly solitary creatures, they\u2019re quite social<\/a> and sometimes very confrontational with each other. Experts say that octopuses seem to use their color, posture, and arm movements of their eight arms to communicate with each other<\/a>. 

Octopuses change the color and brightness of their skin as a signal to one another<\/a>, adopting a dark color when they intend to confront one another and choosing a paler color when they intend to retreat. They also seem to make themselves larger and taller to send a message, though scientists aren\u2019t sure yet what that message is. But experts say that the way octopuses use and interpret body language seems effective at helping the animals resolve conflict and find a way to get along\u2014just as humans use body language to show that they\u2019re paying attention and understanding what others are saying. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you listen more than you talk? What’s your primary goal when you communicate? What can you learn about listening from an octopus? It probably comes as no surprise that listening well is important. Active listening is a specific skill that’s invaluable in all aspects of life, and it’s part of the practice of Verbal Judo\u2014a set of techniques that help you handle any tense situation calmly.  Read more for George Thompson’s threefold advice on how to improve active listening and communicate more effectively as a result.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":125155,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,43],"tags":[1511],"class_list":["post-125142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-verbal-judo","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Improve Active Listening: 3 Tips From Verbal Judo - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you put as much effort into listening as you do into talking? 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