{"id":125135,"date":"2024-03-28T15:35:00","date_gmt":"2024-03-28T19:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=125135"},"modified":"2024-04-02T15:48:02","modified_gmt":"2024-04-02T19:48:02","slug":"how-to-let-go-of-your-ego","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-let-go-of-your-ego\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Let Go of Your Ego and Break Through to Solutions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are your feelings easily hurt? Are you more focused on protecting yourself than solving bigger problems?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When people come at us, it’s easy to react in ways that end up making the confrontation worse. Our ego is often to blame. Law enforcement trainer and English professor George Thompson says that Verbal Judo offers a way out of this mindset.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to learn how to let go of your ego<\/a> and move forward in a positive direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Let Go of Your Ego<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One method of Verbal Judo is<\/a> to approach conflicts as if they\u2019re impersonal, even when they feel very personal<\/strong>. Thompson explains that people can become antagonistic under stress. They might blame you, even if you didn\u2019t do anything wrong. But Thompson argues that it\u2019s not productive to let your feelings get hurt: It\u2019s more important to demonstrate that you understand the needs the other person is expressing (even if they aren\u2019t doing so in words) than to protect your ego.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Drawing on your ability to enter the mushin<\/a> <\/em>state of mind, you can stay calm even when emotions run high. Thompson shares practical advice on how to let go of your ego and stay focused on solving the problem instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Acknowledge But Don\u2019t Address Insults<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

First, Thompson explains that you can make someone feel heard without engaging with personal attacks or insults<\/strong>. For example, if a customer yells at you and says that you and the company you work with are stupid, there\u2019s no need to refute those claims. Instead, you can just make it clear that you\u2019ve heard the complaint and then move toward a resolution with a statement like, \u201cI hear you, and I have an idea about how we can get this resolved for you.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Other experts agree with Thompson that ignoring an insult is often the most productive strategy. Psychiatrist Neel Burton, author of Stoic Stories<\/em><\/a>, writes that the philosophers of the ancient Greek school of thought called Stoicism believed it\u2019s better to ignore an insult<\/a> than to respond to it. Burton writes that the idea is to remind yourself of what you\u2019re trying to accomplish in a situation and focus on that goal, rather than getting sidetracked by figuring out how to best handle someone\u2019s hurtful words or actions. Experts say that the Stoics sought to increase positive emotions<\/a> and decrease negative ones. Avoiding overreacting\u2014or even reacting at all\u2014to insults might be one way to do that.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Mirror Their Feelings Back to Them<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Second, you can interrupt someone to state what you\u2019ve heard back to them<\/strong>, using the interruption to keep the conversation from spinning out of control and show that you\u2019re trying to understand how the other person sees things. For example, you could say to a friend who\u2019s upset, \u201cHang on, I want to make sure I\u2019ve got this straight. You\u2019re feeling like I don\u2019t appreciate you because you\u2019ve had to plan our recent get-togethers, right?\u201d Even though you feel that you do<\/em> appreciate your friend\u2014and you might be tempted to remind them of all of the ways you\u2019ve shown your appreciation\u2014putting what they\u2019ve expressed into your own words shows them that you understand how they\u2019re feeling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Reflective listening<\/a>\u2014using another person\u2019s words to summarize what they\u2019ve said to you\u2014is a technique that many people have learned from therapy. It can be a helpful tool during tough conversations. But experts worry that when \u201ctherapy speak\u201d enters everyday conversation, it can flatten nuance<\/a> and keep us from figuring out what we feel<\/a> and how to move forward. For example, many people use reflective listening<\/a> to tell others that their feelings are \u201cvalid.\u201d But psychologist Jonathan Shedler objects to that language<\/a>, noting that while it\u2019s helpful to validate someone\u2019s experience, judging whether their emotions are valid doesn\u2019t help you understand their experience or figure out how to help.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are your feelings easily hurt? Are you more focused on protecting yourself than solving bigger problems? When people come at us, it’s easy to react in ways that end up making the confrontation worse. Our ego is often to blame. Law enforcement trainer and English professor George Thompson says that Verbal Judo offers a way out of this mindset. Continue reading to learn how to let go of your ego and move forward in a positive direction.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":125141,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,43],"tags":[1511],"class_list":["post-125135","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-verbal-judo","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Let Go of Your Ego and Break Through to Solutions - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It\u2019s not productive to let your feelings get hurt. 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