{"id":122851,"date":"2024-02-02T16:51:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-02T20:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=122851"},"modified":"2024-02-14T11:42:27","modified_gmt":"2024-02-14T15:42:27","slug":"stop-lying-to-yourself","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/stop-lying-to-yourself\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop Lying to Yourself or You’ll Make Bad Decisions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why do you always make bad decisions<\/a>? And how do you stop lying to yourself about your choices?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We all make bad decisions sometimes, and often it\u2019s because we\u2019re telling ourselves lies instead of basing our choices on reality. When we lie to ourselves, it\u2019s easier to make unwise decisions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s how to take control of your life<\/a> and make better decisions<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Why Do We Make Bad Decisions? And How Can We Make Better Ones?  <\/h2>\n\n\n\n

You may be asking yourself, \u201cWhy do I always make bad decisions?\u201d If so, you\u2019re not alone. We\u2019re good at making bad decisions\u2014great at it, even! Why does it come so naturally to us to make choices that we\u2019ll regret, choices that undermine how we want to spend our time and what we want to accomplish in our lives? There\u2019s a fundamental explanation for all of this: that you make bad decisions because you\u2019re lying to yourself.<\/strong> Here’s how to stop lying to yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re Bad at Decisions Because We\u2019re Good at Lying to Ourselves<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When we make a choice, we tell ourselves a story about the situation we\u2019re facing and the options we have in front of us. But we tend to tell ourselves stories that aren\u2019t true, and this is the problem at the heart of our bad decisions<\/strong>. We often make up stories to deceive ourselves (and sometimes others, too) so that we can feel good about choosing what we feel like<\/em> doing over what we should be<\/em> doing. But failing to be truthful<\/a> with ourselves can lead us away from good, sound, responsible decisions and toward decisions that we\u2019ll later regret. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of the time, you don\u2019t make a decision<\/a> knowing that you\u2019ll regret it later (your justification for that extra slice of pizza aside). So how can you know when you\u2019re using a not-so-faithful interpretation of the facts to justify a decision? When you realize you\u2019re talking yourself into something or making excuses<\/a> for yourself, that often signals that you\u2019re gearing up to make a bad decision, and using a bad story to do it. The key insight here is that we often lie to ourselves because we\u2019re motivated to do so<\/strong>: Telling ourselves the truth might make us feel bad about ourselves, and fudging the truth a little makes us feel better. But that effect is temporary, and we\u2019ll have to face the consequences of our decisions sooner or later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why Are We So Good at Bending the Truth? <\/strong>

Psychologists say that we all engage in self-deception<\/a>: We lie to ourselves to avoid acknowledging truths that threaten the way we want to see ourselves. Researchers think that some of us lie to ourselves naturally, while others develop the habit to cope with challenges<\/a> that come our way. While we can use these lies to block out negative thoughts, brighten our mood, or boost our self-esteem, there\u2019s a downside too. We sometimes use self-deception to keep our consciences clear<\/a> even when we behave in ways that we know are wrong. 

For a tragicomic illustration of how self-deception<\/a> leads to regrettable decisions, just look to Wes Anderson\u2019s 2001 film The Royal Tenenbaums<\/em>. Royal, the Tenenbaum family\u2019s estranged patriarch, habitually deceives himself to feel better<\/a> about a lifetime of lying, cheating, and stealing. He even tells his family he\u2019s dying of stomach cancer<\/a> to try to bring them together again<\/a>. Most of us wouldn\u2019t go that far to save our self-image. But we do turn to self-deception to avoid the painful truth about our mistakes, or put off facing down our bad decisions. If it\u2019s hard for Royal to let go of the lies he\u2019s told, it\u2019s also the only way he can start making decisions motivated by something more noble than a desire to keep his conscience clear. <\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Biases and Errors in Our Thinking Make It Easy to Lie to Ourselves<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Cognitive biases<\/a> occur when your brain tries to make the decision-making<\/a> process faster or easier and takes a shortcut that yields a less rational decision. Because your cognitive biases can keep you from thinking logically about a decision, they make it easier to choose based on how you feel right now rather than what you think might happen later. Cognitive biases make it easy for you to lie to yourself about what you should do<\/strong>. That reduces your chances of making a good choice, one that you\u2019ll look back on later and be glad you made.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because cognitive biases and other errors in your thinking are always around to influence how you think about a situation and to trip up your decision-making, you need to have a plan to get around them and make good decisions anyway<\/strong>. Part of that plan should be to try to see through the ways you trick yourself into making bad decisions<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Many experts agree that countering your cognitive biases can help you make better decisions. Dan Gardner and Philip Tetlock write in Superforecasting<\/em><\/a> that people who make accurate predictions do so in part by avoiding getting tripped up<\/a> by their cognitive biases. Just being aware of these errors in thinking can help you look out for them. But the authors also note that seeking out other people\u2019s perspectives, breaking complex problems<\/a> down into simpler pieces, and challenging yourself with intellectually difficult pursuits like doing crossword puzzles or reading difficult books can help you learn to make better predictions.) <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why do you always make bad decisions? And how do you stop lying to yourself about your choices? We all make bad decisions sometimes, and often it\u2019s because we\u2019re telling ourselves lies instead of basing our choices on reality. When we lie to ourselves, it\u2019s easier to make unwise decisions. Here\u2019s how to take control of your life and make better decisions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":122854,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,43],"tags":[1397],"class_list":["post-122851","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-self-improvement","tag-better-decisions-fewer-regrets","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nStop Lying to Yourself or You'll Make Bad Decisions - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why do you always make bad decisions and regret them? 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