{"id":122797,"date":"2024-02-07T11:55:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-07T15:55:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=122797"},"modified":"2024-02-09T11:45:19","modified_gmt":"2024-02-09T15:45:19","slug":"bad-decision-making","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/bad-decision-making\/","title":{"rendered":"Bad Decision-Making: 3 Choices We Tend to Regret Afterward"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How can you recognize bad <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/methods-of-decision-making-crucial-conversations\/\">decision-making<\/a> in your life? How can you avoid it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Bad decision-making often falls into three categories: unnecessary purchases, unhealthy relationships, and harmful habits. What these have in common is that they cause regret.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Learn <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-avoid-regret\/\">how to avoid regret<\/a> by <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/make-better-decisions-2\/\">making better decisions<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-what-s-a-bad-decision\">What\u2019s a Bad Decision?&nbsp;<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>What does bad decision-making look like? <strong>A bad decision creates regret<\/strong>. Bad decisions can be inconsequential or very consequential\u2014but either way, they make you want to go back and make a different choice. However, you only regret a decision <em>after<\/em> you\u2019ve made it. So while regretting a decision might help you if you face a similar choice in the future, it can\u2019t keep you from making a decision you\u2019ll regret in an unfamiliar situation. (Shortform note: Some experts describe <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/podcasts\/archive\/2022\/07\/forgive-yourself-overcome-regret-howto\/661476\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">regret as a time machine<\/a>: an emotion we feel in the present about something that happened in the past that helps us to make better choices in the future.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Some experts say that not only are regrets inevitable, but it\u2019s crucial to build the skill of learning from your regrets. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.guilford.com\/books\/If-Only\/Robert-Leahy\/9781462547821\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>If Only&#8230;<\/em><\/a>, psychologist Robert L. Leahy writes that we often regret things we did and <a href=\"https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/how_regrets_can_help_you_make_better_decisions\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">things we didn\u2019t do<\/a>. In both cases, your regrets can help you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/learn-from-your-mistakes\/\">learn from your mistakes<\/a>. To learn from regret, Leahy recommends avoiding assumptions about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/simulation-heuristic\/\">what might have been<\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/practicing-gratitude\/\">practicing gratitude<\/a> for the good things in your life, accepting that regret is inevitable, and learning to tolerate tradeoffs and compromises\u2014to \u201csatisfice,\u201d or accept a good-enough option, rather than holding on to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/impossible-expectations\/\">unrealistic expectations<\/a> and searching for perfection.)&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Certain <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/types-of-decisions\/\">types of decisions<\/a> tend to be the ones that we regret later, so they\u2019re the ones you should be most careful with. According to Stanley, <strong>the decisions that most often lead to regret tend to fall into one of three categories<\/strong>:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-purchases-we-regret\">1) Purchases We Regret<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>First, <strong>we often make purchases we\u2019ll regret<\/strong>. Sometimes these purchases are small and harmless, like a marked-down sweater in a color you\u2019ll never wear or a novel you\u2019re only buying because everyone else is reading it. These aren\u2019t great decisions, and they\u2019re a waste of money. But they\u2019re small enough that you can laugh about them later\u2014after you\u2019ve found a new home for the sweater or book. Sometimes, though, the purchases you regret are bigger. For example, you might buy a car that costs far more than you budgeted or book a vacation that costs more than you can afford. These decisions involve large enough amounts of money that they can become setbacks from your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/goals-change\/\">financial goals<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Psychologists say that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2007\/11\/06\/science\/06tier.html?ex=1352091600\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">we often rationalize our choices<\/a> so we can avoid buyer\u2019s remorse, the feeling of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/regret-purchases\/\">regretting a purchase<\/a>. A group of Yale researchers, which included <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/against-empathy\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Against Empathy<\/em><\/a> author Paul Bloom, also observed this tendency in capuchin monkeys. They offered the monkeys red, green, and blue M&amp;Ms. If a monkey chose a red M&amp;M over a blue one, he would rationalize that choice by devaluing blue M&amp;Ms and rejecting them in the future. We do the same thing so we can avoid wondering if we made <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/wrong-decisions\/\">the wrong choice<\/a>, including with our purchases\u2014especially those that cost a lot more than a pack of M&amp;Ms.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Stanley explains that whether what you buy (and later regret) is big or small, you talk yourself into the purchase because it\u2019s something you want.<\/strong> The feeling of <em>really<\/em> wanting something wins out over the knowledge that you don\u2019t need it or can\u2019t afford it. And it\u2019s only later, once you have a bit more perspective, that you regret it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: When Stanley explains that we make regrettable decisions because we want something and ignore the downsides, he\u2019s describing motivated reasoning\u2014the same phenomenon that experts say led people to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.forbes.com\/sites\/marshallshepherd\/2020\/07\/09\/guilty-of-motivated-reasoning-with-weather-forecasts-or-coronavirus-messagingfind-out-now\/?sh=104d033f224d\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">prioritize their desire for normalcy<\/a> during the Covid-19 pandemic. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/i-contain-multitudes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>I Contain Multitudes<\/em><\/a><em> <\/em>author Ed Yong lists \u201cthe normality trap\u201d as one of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/health\/archive\/2020\/09\/pandemic-intuition-nightmare-spiral-winter\/616204\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">cognitive errors<\/a> that tripped up Americans\u2019 intuitive response to the pandemic. As the virus disrupted the status quo, people wanted so badly for life to return to normal that they behaved in ways that let the virus spread\u2014a decision some of them <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2020\/11\/12\/934266487\/icu-nurse-on-dealing-with-latest-coronavirus-outbreak-in-michigan\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">would later regret<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-relationships-we-should-leave\">2) Relationships We Should Leave<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Second, <strong>we talk ourselves into staying in<\/strong> <strong>relationships we should leave<\/strong>. We often regret holding onto relationships (or situationships) long after they\u2019ve run their course. For example, you might waste months dating someone whom you know, deep down, isn\u2019t the right partner. Or perhaps you put years of effort into a one-sided friendship with a person who doesn\u2019t value you. <strong>When we talk ourselves into staying in relationships, we later regret it<\/strong>. We ignore obvious cues that the relationship isn\u2019t a good fit, telling ourselves a more positive story about the other person and the prospects for our future with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: It can be hard to tell when to let go of a relationship. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/minimalism\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Minimalism<\/em><\/a>, Joshua Fields Milburn and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/ryan-nicodemus-minimalism\/\">Ryan Nicodemus<\/a> recommend <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/minimalism\/chapter-3#current-relationships\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">evaluating your relationships<\/a> to determine whether they have a positive, negative, or neutral effect on your life. Positive relationships make you happy and help you grow, while negative ones make you feel unhappy and keep you from growing. You can strengthen relationships you value by working to better understand the other person. But Milburn and Nicodemus note there\u2019s a limit to what understanding can achieve: If the person\u2019s behavior is harmful to you or others, or if they have <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/minimalism\/chapter-3#future-relationships\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">values you don\u2019t want in your life<\/a>, it might be time to walk away so you don\u2019t regret staying.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-habits-that-can-harm-us\">3) Habits That Can Harm Us<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Third, <strong>we easily fall into habits that can harm us, and we regret it later<\/strong>. When we indulge our bad ideas repeatedly, we make the same poor decision so many times that a small vice becomes a harmful habit or even an addiction. Imagine <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/make-a-habit\/\">making a habit<\/a> of leaving major projects unfinished until the night before the deadline: You\u2019ll likely end up letting your colleagues down and hurting your reputation at the office. Similarly, if you fall into the addictive pattern of spending hours scrolling through social media at night, you\u2019ll find it harder to be present with your family and miss out on time with the people you love. These decisions seem small in the moment, but they add up to habits that are hard to break.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: It\u2019s surprisingly easy to form bad habits. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-habit\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Power of Habit<\/em><\/a>, Charles Duhigg explains that every habit starts with a <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-habit\/part-1#habits-begin-with-a-conscious-decision\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">conscious decision<\/a> you make to fulfill a need or act on a motivation. Over time, as you make the same decision over and over, your brain stores it as an <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-power-of-habit\/part-1#why-bad-habits-are-difficult-to-break\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">automatic pattern of behavior<\/a>, creating a habit. As Duhigg explains it, habits enable the decision-making part of the brain <a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/2012\/03\/05\/147192599\/habits-how-they-form-and-how-to-break-them\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">to work less<\/a>, and this switch away from conscious decision-making can make habits challenging to break. Duhigg says that if you want to break a habit, you should figure out what triggers it and what function it serves. Then you\u2019ll be able to see why you formed the habit and work to replace it with a healthier response.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might notice a pattern in these explanations for why we make these three kinds of bad decisions: <strong>We tend to tell ourselves that we want something<\/strong>\u2014to have a material object, to hold onto a relationship, or to keep indulging in a harmful habit\u2014<strong>and that it\u2019s OK to go for it, even when we know better<\/strong>. That\u2019s because we\u2019re great at deceiving ourselves.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>What <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-do-people-like-horror-movies\/\">Horror Movies<\/a> Can Teach Us About Decision-Making<\/strong><br><br>We often <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/why-we-make-bad-decisions\/\">make bad decisions<\/a> because we want something, and we\u2019re willing to take questionable actions to get it. To see how this works, you could rewatch your favorite horror movie. The characters in these films <a href=\"https:\/\/bookriot.com\/why-horror-protagonists-make-bad-decisions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">are notorious<\/a> for their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.syfy.com\/syfy-wire\/in-defense-of-bad-decisions-in-horror\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">bad decisions<\/a>. They act on their immediate desires (maybe to meet up with friends in the woods or to <a href=\"https:\/\/corporateculture.co.uk\/what-can-horror-movies-teach-us-about-the-way-we-make-decisions\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">evade a monster<\/a>), not on rational judgments. They don\u2019t think ahead about what dangers might lurk in the woods, or why it\u2019s not a great idea to retreat deeper into an abandoned house. Like these characters, we often forge ahead and assume everything will turn out fine. But you don\u2019t survive the haunted house or the zombie apocalypse if you just react in the moment.<br><br>We don\u2019t make bad decisions because we\u2019re trying to get ourselves into trouble. Instead, we make bad decisions because we\u2019re so strongly driven by what we want in the moment that we can\u2019t see beyond those desires.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How can you recognize bad decision-making in your life? How can you avoid it? Bad decision-making often falls into three categories: unnecessary purchases, unhealthy relationships, and harmful habits. What these have in common is that they cause regret. Learn how to avoid regret by making better decisions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":122798,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,43],"tags":[1397],"class_list":["post-122797","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-self-improvement","tag-better-decisions-fewer-regrets","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bad Decision-Making: 3 Choices We Tend to Regret Afterward - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Bad decision-making, like buying things you don&#039;t need, creates regret. To avoid regret, use this advice when thinking through your decisions.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/bad-decision-making\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Bad Decision-Making: 3 Choices We Tend to Regret Afterward\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Bad decision-making, like buying things you don&#039;t need, creates regret. 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Becca studied journalism as a graduate student at Ohio University while getting their feet wet writing at local newspapers, and now enjoys blogging about all things nonfiction, from science to history to practical advice for daily living.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/author\/becca-king\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Bad Decision-Making: 3 Choices We Tend to Regret Afterward - Shortform Books","description":"Bad decision-making, like buying things you don't need, creates regret. 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