{"id":122271,"date":"2024-01-22T00:13:00","date_gmt":"2024-01-22T04:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=122271"},"modified":"2024-01-31T12:53:09","modified_gmt":"2024-01-31T16:53:09","slug":"examples-of-the-lover-archetype","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/examples-of-the-lover-archetype\/","title":{"rendered":"Examples of the Lover Archetype: Fueled by Emotion"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What is Carl Jung\u2019s Lover archetype, and what does it look like? What are some examples of this part of the psyche?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Examples of the Lover archetype include seeking <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/a-sense-of-purpose\/\">a sense of purpose<\/a>, being fueled by emotion, and in imbalanced cases, hedonism. Like all parts of the psyche, balance is key to healthy expression.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>See what the Lover looks like in action in healthy and unhealthy examples.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-lover-desire-passion-and-joy\">The Lover: Desire, Passion, and Joy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Other parts of the psyche are concerned with various kinds of control: control over oneself, control over one\u2019s surroundings, or both. The Lover is the opposite\u2014it\u2019s the part of the psyche that wants to unrestrainedly enjoy all the pleasures that life has to offer.<strong>&nbsp;<\/strong> Examples of the Lover archetype include expressions of emotion more so than control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This aspect is unique because it\u2019s motivated by emotions, rather than by intellect. <strong>The Lover fuels a person\u2019s feelings of vigor, passion, and joy.<\/strong> It also drives him to fulfill his various needs and desires; this includes biological urges like food and sex, but also less tangible cravings such as joy, love, and a <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/having-a-purpose-in-life\/\">sense of purpose<\/a>. Therefore,<strong> <\/strong>someone under the Lover\u2019s influence wants to explore and experience as much as he can because he\u2019s looking for ways to satisfy those desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In neurological terms, many of the Lover\u2019s functions are explained by the chemical <a href=\"https:\/\/my.clevelandclinic.org\/health\/articles\/22581-dopamine\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">dopamine<\/a>. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-molecule-of-more\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Molecule of More<\/em><\/a>, the authors explain that dopamine motivates people to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-molecule-of-more\/1-page-summary#dopamine-the-what-if-chemical\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">seek out new experiences and to pursue the things they want<\/a>. A person\u2019s brain releases dopamine when they encounter something new or unexpected, or when they make progress toward a goal. That dopamine release is pleasurable, so people naturally want to do things that cause it. A few examples are eating a good meal, pursuing a new relationship, and working toward a promotion.)&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Lover is also highly empathetic, meaning that <strong>someone with a strong Lover aspect instinctively understands other people\u2019s feelings and shares them.<\/strong> This can be very painful, but he finds joy even in the pain; to the Lover, <em>all <\/em>experiences are things to enjoy and celebrate.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: It\u2019s a common misconception that people can spur their empathy by imagining themselves in someone else\u2019s position. However, that tactic engages the intellect (the Magician) rather than the emotions (the Lover) and may cause people to bring their own assumptions and biases into the situation. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/atlas-of-the-heart\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Atlas of the Heart<\/em><\/a>, Bren\u00e9 Brown explains that empathy simply means understanding another person\u2019s feelings and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/atlas-of-the-heart\/1-page-summary#when-we-feel-for-others-empathy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">accepting<em> <\/em>those feelings for what they are<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-immature-lover-the-oedipal-child\">The Immature Lover: the Oedipal Child<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>A boy who didn\u2019t have a nurturing masculine presence in his life, such as a loving father, is likely to get stuck in a boyhood version of the Lover aspect called the <em>Oedipal Child. <\/em>This happens when the boy grows up believing that <em>all <\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/5-types-of-love\/\">forms of love<\/a> and care must come from women, since he never experienced them from a man.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Someone under the influence of the Oedipal Child <strong>longs for an ideal version of the feminine: a woman who\u2019s impossibly loving, caring, and beautiful.<\/strong> This nonexistent woman is how he saw his mother when he was very young.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: The Oedipal Child archetype derives its name from the play <a href=\"https:\/\/www.britannica.com\/topic\/Oedipus-Rex-play-by-Sophocles\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Oedipus Rex<\/em><\/a>. The play is about a tragic character named Oedipus who (unknowingly) kills his father and marries his mother. This is where Sigmund Freud got the name for the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/what-is-an-oedipal-complex-2795403\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Oedipus Complex<\/a>\u2014however, unlike Freud\u2019s Oedipus Complex, Jung\u2019s Oedipal Child <a href=\"https:\/\/www.artofmanliness.com\/character\/behavior\/the-four-archetypes-of-mature-masculinity-the-boyhood-archetypes-part-ii\/#:~:text=But%20this%20longing%20is%20not%20for%20a%20boy%E2%80%99s%20actual%20mother%2C%20but%20rather%20for%20the%20feminine%20energy%20of%20the%20%E2%80%9CGreat%20Mother%E2%80%93the%20Goddess%20in%20her%20many%20forms%20in%20the%20myths%20and%20legends%20of%20many%20peoples%20and%20cultures.%E2%80%9D\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">doesn\u2019t feel sexual attraction toward his mother<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As an adult, the man hasn\u2019t realized that he\u2019s still searching for his childhood experience of femininity and motherhood rather than for an actual person. He therefore struggles in his relationships with women, because none of them\u2014including his mother\u2014live up to his childish idea of what a woman should be. <strong>Until the Oedipal Child brings his concept of femininity into line with reality, he can never be fully satisfied with his life.<\/strong> Therefore, until that happens, the Lover aspect can\u2019t fulfill its purpose.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: The Oedipal Child aspect\u2019s overdependence is harmful to both <a href=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/emotional-dependency#effects\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the man and the woman or women he&#8217;s closest to<\/a>. It\u2019s not reasonable to expect someone else to meet <em>all <\/em>of his emotional needs <em>all <\/em>of the time, so his expectations often put a lot of strain on his relationships (both romantic and familial). This might happen because women exhaust themselves trying to meet his demands, he obsesses over their \u201cfailure\u201d to do so, or both. Also, because the man is so reliant on others for emotional support, he never learns how to emotionally support himself using tools like self-care, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/compassion-for-yourself\/\">self-compassion<\/a>, or rest and recreation.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-imbalanced-lover-hedonism-and-depression\">The Imbalanced Lover: Hedonism and Depression<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The last psychological aspects we\u2019ll discuss are the two versions of the imbalanced Lover.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-hedonist\">The Hedonist<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>The first of these is the <em>Hedonist. <\/em>Recall that the Lover\u2019s purpose is to help the man satisfy his wants and needs; <strong>for someone under the Hedonist\u2019s influence, there\u2019s no such thing as satisfaction. <\/strong>Instead, he becomes obsessed with his own pleasure and spends his life chasing one whim after another.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Hedonist usually arises because the Lover isn\u2019t properly balanced by the psyche\u2019s other aspects. As stated earlier, the Lover hates boundaries. That\u2019s why it needs the King\u2019s judgment, the Warrior\u2019s discipline, and the Magician\u2019s wisdom to keep it in check.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-hedonic-treadmill\/\">Hedonic Treadmill<\/a><\/strong><br><br>This pattern of behavior is commonly called the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.healthline.com\/health\/hedonic-treadmill\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>hedonic treadmill<\/em><\/a>: People chase after something they think will make them happy, enjoy a moment of pleasure when they get it, then start chasing the next thing in order to recapture that feeling. It\u2019s referred to as a treadmill because people constantly \u201crun\u201d after happiness but always end up in the same place emotionally.&nbsp;<br><br>There are many tools that people under the Hedonist\u2019s influence can use to help themselves <a href=\"https:\/\/www.happify.com\/hd\/sustainable-happiness-how-to-find-contentment-that-will-last\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">get off the treadmill<\/a>. A few examples are:<br><br><strong>Ask \u201cDo I need this?\u201d <\/strong>When he\u2019s considering buying something, the Hedonist should pause for a moment and ask if it\u2019s something he <em>needs <\/em>or just something he <em>wants<\/em>. Another way to approach this is to consider whether it\u2019s going to help him in some way; if so, then it may be a need, but if not, then it\u2019s only a want.<br><br><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/practicing-gratitude\/\">Practice gratitude<\/a>. <\/strong>Instead of thinking about what he wants to buy or experience next, he can remember and appreciate what he already has. Examples might include his health, his family and friends, his job, his home, and his accomplishments.<br><br><strong>Find pleasure in simple things. <\/strong>The Hedonist forgets that happiness doesn\u2019t always require money or a lot of effort.<strong> <\/strong>Instead of chasing after expensive items and intense experiences, he could indulge in the simple pleasure of taking a walk or watching his favorite TV show.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-unfeeling-man\">The Unfeeling Man<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>At the opposite end of this spectrum is the <em>Unfeeling Man<\/em>: <strong>Whereas the Hedonist is lost in his desires, the Unfeeling Man doesn\u2019t even know what his desires are.&nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Someone under the influence of this aspect has lost touch with his emotions. Without desire or pleasure to motivate him, the man soon becomes lethargic and bored. In short, he\u2019s depressed\u2014nothing excites him, nothing motivates him, and he doesn\u2019t enjoy anything anymore.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: People under the influence of the Unfeeling Man aspect should consider how severe their depression is and how long it\u2019s been happening because they may be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/depression\/expert-answers\/clinical-depression\/faq-20057770\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">suffering from clinical depression<\/a>. Short periods of sadness and fatigue are normal, especially when there\u2019s a clear reason for them like a death in the family or a stressful job. However, when those feelings\u2014or lack of feelings\u2014last for a long time and start having serious impacts on the person\u2019s life and well-being, they should consider seeing a professional to determine if it\u2019s a clinical issue.)\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is Carl Jung\u2019s Lover archetype, and what does it look like? What are some examples of this part of the psyche? Examples of the Lover archetype include seeking a sense of purpose, being fueled by emotion, and in imbalanced cases, hedonism. Like all parts of the psyche, balance is key to healthy expression. See what the Lover looks like in action in healthy and unhealthy examples.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":24,"featured_media":122272,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[21,9,12],"tags":[1388],"class_list":["post-122271","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-philosophy","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-king-warrior-magician-lover","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Examples of the Lover Archetype: Fueled by Emotion - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What are some examples of the Lover archetype defined by Carl Jung? 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