{"id":121352,"date":"2024-01-19T13:35:00","date_gmt":"2024-01-19T17:35:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=121352"},"modified":"2026-01-21T13:30:10","modified_gmt":"2026-01-21T17:30:10","slug":"brene-brown-conflict-resolution","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/brene-brown-conflict-resolution\/","title":{"rendered":"Bren\u00e9 Brown: Conflict Resolution With Kindness &amp; Curiosity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Does your friend group often get into arguments? What&#8217;s the proper way to resolve conflicts?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Part of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stay-true-to-yourself\/\">staying true to yourself<\/a> is speaking up with your honest opinion, even when it could create conflict. This means you must be prepared to resolve conflicts by approaching them with curiosity rather than defensiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Discover more with Bren\u00e9 Brown&#8217;s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nvc-conflict-resolution\/\">conflict resolution<\/a> tips.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-how-to-resolve-conflicts-peacefully\"><strong>How to Resolve Conflicts Peacefully<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Bren\u00e9 Brown, conflict resolution would go much smoother if everyone could try to understand other people\u2019s perspectives and talk through conflicts with kindness. People would also feel more comfortable being their true selves because they wouldn\u2019t be afraid of a negative reaction.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In other words, having a <em>safe space to disagree facilitates true belonging<\/em>. Even a more neutral stance, like \u201cSince we disagree on this topic, let\u2019s not talk about it,\u201d hinders connection and true belonging because you might feel like you have to suppress your opinions to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-avoid-conflict-in-relationships\/\">avoid conflict<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, in the earlier scenario of friends who disagree on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/climate-change-policies\/\">climate change policies<\/a>, Brown might recommend that the friends show curiosity by asking each other questions about<em> <\/em>why they believe the way they do: \u201cWhat\u2019s your rationale for this stance? How do you think this policy might affect people?\u201d Brown emphasizes that this dialogue should always be respectful and should allow each person to understand the other\u2019s intentions. In this case, the friends who disagree may have the same intention: reducing the impact of climate change in the most practical way possible. They simply have different approaches to doing so.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Brown\u2019s conflict resolution strategy comes with a caveat: It should always be done with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/personal\/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries\/\">healthy boundaries<\/a> in place. This means that <strong>you shouldn\u2019t engage with someone if you feel physically or <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-safety\/\">emotionally unsafe<\/a><\/strong>. For example, if someone is trying to physically threaten or intimidate you, or if they\u2019re using dehumanizing language, this isn\u2019t a safe space for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/productive-conflict\/\">productive conflict<\/a> resolution. In this case, extract yourself from the situation rather than engaging.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>The <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cooperative-conflict-resolution\/\">Cooperative Mindset<\/a> and Healthy Boundaries During Conflict<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-anatomy-of-peace\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Anatomy of Peace<\/em><\/a>, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-anatomy-of-peace-by-the-arbinger-institute\/\">the Arbinger Institute<\/a> describes two possible mindsets during conflict\u2014<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-anatomy-of-peace#the-two-mindsets\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">combative and cooperative<\/a>\u2014that can help illuminate Brown\u2019s suggestion to facilitate connection and true belonging even when you disagree with others.&nbsp;<br><br>The <em>cooperative<\/em> mindset aligns with Brown\u2019s concept of having curiosity about the other person\u2019s perspective. Having this mindset means you <strong>make a conscious effort to always see others as people with needs, challenges, hopes, and fears as real and important as your own<\/strong>. If you think of others this way, you\u2019ll naturally want to ask questions to genuinely understand their needs and feelings.<br><br>In contrast, when you approach a disagreement with a <em>combative <\/em>mindset, you see others as obstacles. For example, the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/handling-conflict\/\">combative mindset<\/a> might lead you to speak dismissively toward someone you disagree with because you\u2019re only focused on how their opinion made <em>you<\/em> feel bad. Similar to Brown, Arbinger asserts that maintaining a cooperative mindset is an important <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-anatomy-of-peace#the-steps-of-building-a-cooperative-relationship\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">step toward building a strong relationship<\/a> and creating a safe space to be genuine.&nbsp;<br><br>Even if you strive for a cooperative mindset during conflict resolution, Brown notes that healthy boundaries are also key. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/set-boundaries-find-peace\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Set Boundaries, Find Peace<\/em><\/a>, Nedra Glover Tawwab adds that <strong>both <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/set-boundaries-find-peace#healthy-boundaries-and-unhealthy-boundaries\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong><em>weak<\/em> boundaries and <em>strict <\/em>boundaries can be unhealthy<\/strong><\/a>. She says that weak boundaries make it hard for you to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-say-no-to-people\/\">say no to people<\/a>, meaning you might have trouble extracting yourself from a situation that feels emotionally unsafe, as Brown advises. However, you can also have <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/set-boundaries-find-peace#strict-boundaries\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">boundaries that are too strict<\/a>, meaning you preemptively push people away to feel safe. Therefore, strict boundaries can also inhibit the kind of interpersonal connection and true belonging that Brown advocates.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Does your friend group often get into arguments? What&#8217;s the proper way to resolve conflicts? Part of staying true to yourself is speaking up with your honest opinion, even when it could create conflict. This means you must be prepared to resolve conflicts by approaching them with curiosity rather than defensiveness. Discover more with Bren\u00e9 Brown&#8217;s conflict resolution tips.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":88245,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,33],"tags":[1374],"class_list":["post-121352","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-people","tag-braving-the-wilderness","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Bren\u00e9 Brown: Conflict Resolution With Kindness &amp; Curiosity - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Arguments are bound to rise in any type of social circle. 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