{"id":119524,"date":"2023-12-13T11:07:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-13T15:07:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=119524"},"modified":"2023-12-18T11:14:12","modified_gmt":"2023-12-18T15:14:12","slug":"how-to-deal-with-toxic-people-at-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-toxic-people-at-work\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With Toxic People at Work: 4 Practical Approaches"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are toxic people<\/a> making your workplace intolerable? Are you afraid that confronting them will make things worse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just as there\u2019s no one definition of what makes someone toxic, there\u2019s no one way to deal with a toxic person. You must judge for yourself what strategies will be best<\/a> depending on the situation and the people involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading for some practical advice on how to deal with toxic people<\/a> at work from organizational psychologist Robert I. Sutton.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How to Deal With Toxic People at Work<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sutton’s advice on how to deal with toxic people<\/a> at work corresponds to the amount of interaction required with them. For each subsequent approach, the level of interaction increases: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Leaving the jerk\u2019s environment entirely<\/li>
  2. Reducing your interactions as much as possible<\/li>
  3. Lessening the jerk\u2019s power over your mental state<\/li>
  4. Fighting back with offensive tactics<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Approach #1: Remove Yourself Entirely From the Jerk\u2019s Environment <\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Sutton argues that one of the best ways to deal with chronic jerk behavior is to get away from the person entirely.<\/strong> This might mean moving to a different company, moving to a different location, or switching jobs within the same company so you\u2019re under a different boss. Being entirely out of the jerk\u2019s orbit prevents you from experiencing damaging encounters with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Strategy: Avoid Forming New Professional Connections With Jerks<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    Sutton argues that when possible, you should avoid entering into connections with jerks in the first place.<\/strong> If you\u2019re never involved with them, you don\u2019t have to go through the trouble of confronting them or planning a careful escape. Additionally, you don\u2019t have to experience the emotional stress of engaging with them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    To avoid jerks, pay attention to how new business connections\u2014whether they\u2019re potential coworkers, bosses, clients, and so on\u2014interact with and talk about the people they already work with. If they\u2019re respectful to both you and their existing colleagues, they\u2019ll likely be fine later on. However, if they\u2019re nice to you but rude, condescending, or dismissive toward other people, they\u2019ll probably eventually turn on you too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    You can also tell if someone\u2019s a jerk by talking to people who have worked with them before.<\/strong> If those people have a lot of negative things to say about working with the person in question, then it\u2019s best to avoid entering into a new professional relationship with them.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Approach #2: Reduce Your Interactions With the Jerk<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Sometimes, it\u2019s too difficult to avoid a jerk entirely\u2014for example, maybe you can\u2019t afford to switch jobs. In such cases, Sutton suggests reducing your interactions with the jerk as much as possible.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Strategy: Separate Yourself From the Jerk Physically<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    Sutton argues that if you have to work with a jerk, you should create as much physical distance from them as possible.<\/strong> Research shows that this works because you\u2019re much more likely to interact with someone using all forms of communication if they\u2019re physically closer to you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Therefore, if you distance yourself from a jerk, you won\u2019t have to engage with them as much, and they\u2019ll have a lesser effect on your mental well-being. It\u2019ll also be less likely that their jerk behavior will rub off on you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The farther you can move away from the jerk, the better\u2014try working in a different building, on a different floor, or on the other side of the office. At the very least, move your desk so you\u2019re not in their immediate vicinity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Approach #3: Lessen the Jerk\u2019s Power Over Your Mental State<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    According to Sutton, sometimes distancing yourself isn\u2019t possible\u2014you may be forced to work closely with jerks for extended periods. When a lot of interaction with a jerk is inevitable, you can lessen the jerk\u2019s power over your mental state by changing your mindset.<\/strong> In doing so, you can protect yourself from the negative effects of their behavior even if you\u2019re frequently exposed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    The best way to do this is through the cognitive behavioral technique of reframing<\/em>\u2014taking a negative thought and reworking it into something more neutral or positive. Reframing is based on the psychological premise that your thoughts dictate how you feel and act. If you can change your thoughts<\/a> about a situation\u2014like a jerk\u2019s rude behavior\u2014then you can change how you respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Strategy #1: Focus on What You Can Learn<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    Sutton offers several strategies for reframing jerk behavior so it mentally affects you less. First, try focusing on anything you might gain from your interactions with the jerk.<\/strong> Is there a bright side to the situation you can find? If you can find a positive element, it can help you look back at a situation and feel better about it or get through a long-term connection with a rude, disrespectful person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    For example, maybe your boss seems nice at first but turns out to be emotionally manipulative and narcissistic with poor personal boundaries. The bright side of that situation might be that your experience with this boss taught you the warning signs of narcissistic, abusive behavior. Therefore, you can more easily avoid working with similar people in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Strategy #2: Find a Way to Empathize<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    Alternatively, you might try finding a way to empathize with the jerk so you can eventually forgive them.<\/strong> Research shows that forgiveness benefits the person who was hurt because it allows them to move on from the situation. Forgiving thoughts can lessen the physiological stress response<\/a> and alleviate sadness and anger. This doesn\u2019t mean accepting or excusing the jerk\u2019s behavior\u2014it just means letting go of your resentment toward it, which only hurts you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    For example, say your fellow supervisor frequently yells at her employees, and this causes morale problems among the staff. Your higher-ups won\u2019t do anything about it, so you have to continue working with her. Instead of developing a simmering resentment toward her, you try to empathize with the fact that she felt she had to become aggressive to work her way up through the company, even if she\u2019s misguided. This allows you to forgive (though not excuse) her shortcomings and work with her productively.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Approach #4: Go on the Offensive Against the Jerk<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Finally, Sutton states that sometimes, the only way to deal with a jerk is to go on the offensive against them.<\/strong> This might mean confronting them directly or getting people with more power than you to address their behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Whatever your method, tread carefully\u2014if the jerk finds out that you\u2019re moving against them, they might retaliate and cause more problems for you. Therefore, it\u2019s important to pause, consider your options, and ask for input from others before making any decisions about your approach. There are three primary considerations to address before you decide how to go against the jerk:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Consideration #1:How much influence does the jerk have over you?<\/strong> The more control they have, the more careful you need to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Consideration #2: Do you have concrete evidence to support your claims against the jerk?<\/strong> The more documentation you have of their bad behavior\u2014such as emails, text messages, notes, videos, and so on\u2014the more credible you\u2019ll seem. This prevents the issue from devolving into your word against theirs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Consideration #3:<\/strong> Are there other people who can join in confronting the jerk?<\/strong> The more people you have supporting you, the more influence and credibility you have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Here are two of Sutton\u2019s specific strategies for combating jerk behavior directly: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Strategy #1: Calmly Explain the Problem With Their Behavior<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    According to Sutton, in some instances, <\/strong>calmly pulling the person exhibiting jerk behavior aside and explaining how they\u2019re negatively affecting everyone else can halt the worst of the problems.<\/strong> This strategy is best used for people who generally have good intentions and aren\u2019t aware that their behavior is hurting others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

    For example, say your coworker frequently makes others feel stupid by shooting them down when they ask questions or make suggestions. You\u2019re friends, so you pull him aside to let him know that he\u2019s offended many people with his attitude. He\u2019s taken aback and embarrassed by unknowingly hurting others, and he promises to be more conscious of his tone and approach in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Strategy #2: Harness the Power of Humor and Sarcasm<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

    For jerks who won\u2019t respond well to a calm, direct approach, Sutton suggests using humor and sarcasm to more subtly put them in their place.<\/strong> Using humor allows you to hit back at their behavior with your own insults while still being socially acceptable. It takes away some of their power when people can laugh at them and shows that you\u2019ll push back against them. However, be careful with this tactic, as it can start a dangerous cycle of mudslinging between you and the jerk. They might want to get you back if you humiliate them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    For example, say you\u2019re assigned to work with a notorious bully on a project, and she immediately starts changing your work without your permission. You might confront her by saying, in front of your manager and the rest of the team, \u201cHey, I noticed you\u2019ve been very interested in my work lately\u2014changing it and deleting it. I appreciate your enthusiasm, and I\u2019m sorry to disappoint you, but your attempts are futile. You see, I have a secret weapon that protects my work from your changes: It\u2019s called version history.\u201d This approach maintains levity while undermining her and exposing her bad behavior to everyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Exercise: Develop a Plan for Dealing With a Jerk<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

    Now that you\u2019ve learned some of Sutton\u2019s strategies for dealing with jerks, apply them to a jerk in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. Think of a recent encounter you had with someone who exhibited jerk behavior at work. Describe it here. (For example, maybe your boss made you and your coworkers stay late on Friday night to finish a project, but he left early. Or, maybe your coworker snapped at you when you asked her for help.)<\/li>
    2. Did this incident have any negative effects on your well-being at or outside of work? If so, what were they? (For example, maybe you\u2019re burnt out and stressed because you feel like your boss has unreasonable expectations, and you\u2019re sacrificing your free time for a job that doesn\u2019t serve you. Or, maybe you were surprised but not that upset about your coworker\u2019s snappiness.)<\/li>
    3. Based on the circumstances, which of Sutton\u2019s strategies would work best for dealing with the jerk? (For example, there\u2019s a general culture of overworking and disrespect at your job, and most of the supervisors are like your boss. Therefore, finding another job to get away from the jerks may be the best option for you. Or, you decide not to address the incident of your coworker snapping because she\u2019s normally nice, and you found out that she was stressed because her dog was in the hospital that day.)<\/li><\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Are toxic people making your workplace intolerable? Are you afraid that confronting them will make things worse? Just as there\u2019s no one definition of what makes someone toxic, there\u2019s no one way to deal with a toxic person. You must judge for yourself what strategies will be best depending on the situation and the people involved. Keep reading for some practical advice on how to deal with toxic people at work from organizational psychologist Robert I. Sutton.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":119533,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,30],"tags":[1348],"class_list":["post-119524","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-work","tag-the-asshole-survival-guide","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Deal With Toxic People at Work: 4 Practical Approaches - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When it comes to how to deal with toxic people at work, it's not one-size-fits-all. 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