{"id":119474,"date":"2023-12-16T10:43:00","date_gmt":"2023-12-16T14:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=119474"},"modified":"2026-01-21T13:31:11","modified_gmt":"2026-01-21T17:31:11","slug":"cognitive-reframing-techniques","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cognitive-reframing-techniques\/","title":{"rendered":"Cognitive Reframing Techniques: Reduce People&#8217;s Power Over You"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Is someone in your life a jerk? Do you wish you could neutralize the impact they have on you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When interaction with a jerk is inevitable, you can lessen the jerk\u2019s power over your mental state by changing your mindset. Using cognitive reframing techniques, you can protect yourself from the negative effects of their behavior, even if you\u2019re frequently exposed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn these techniques and reduce people&#8217;s power over you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-cognitive-reframing-techniques\">Cognitive Reframing Techniques<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The cognitive behavioral technique of <em>reframing<\/em> is reworking a negative thought and into something more neutral or positive. Cognitive reframing is based on the psychological premise that your thoughts dictate how you feel and act. If you can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/change-your-thoughts\/\">change your thoughts<\/a> about a situation\u2014like a jerk\u2019s rude behavior\u2014then you can change how you respond.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let&#8217;s look at two cognitive reframing techniques you can use with the jerks in your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Further Steps for Cognitive Reframing and Advice for People-Pleasers<\/strong><br><br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nhs.uk\/every-mind-matters\/mental-wellbeing-tips\/self-help-cbt-techniques\/reframing-unhelpful-thoughts\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">There are two steps to reframing before you can change a thought:<\/a> noticing an unhelpful thought and pausing to evaluate its value or truthfulness. Noticing <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-negative-unhelpful-thoughts-set-you-back\/\">unhelpful thoughts<\/a> can be difficult, as they\u2019re usually automatic. Look for patterns such as focusing only on the bad parts of a situation or always assuming the worst will happen. While evaluating a thought for its usefulness, ask yourself if there\u2019s any evidence to support it. Is it the most helpful, productive way to think about the situation? Once you go through these steps, you can start to change the thought.<br><br>If you\u2019re a people pleaser, you may struggle to protect your mental health more than the average person when forced to work with a jerk, and reframing might not be enough. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cnbc.com\/2023\/05\/21\/harvard-trained-psychologist-people-pleasers-are-at-higher-risk-for-burnout.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Common signs of people-pleasing behavior<\/a> include ignoring your feelings to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-avoid-conflict-in-relationships\/\">avoid conflict<\/a> when something upsets you and always saying yes when others ask for help (even if you don\u2019t actually have time). These tendencies leave you more susceptible to burnout because you learn to ignore your needs and goals.<br><br>If this sounds like you, you must <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/personal-life\/relationships\/personal\/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries\/\">set boundaries<\/a> at work in addition to reframing, or jerks will continue to take from you until you have nothing left to give. Every time someone asks you for something, pause and resist the immediate urge to say yes. Consider whether you truly need to accept the task. If not, say no to protect your higher priorities.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technique-1-focus-on-what-you-can-learn\">Technique #1: Focus on What You Can Learn<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Sutton offers several strategies for reframing jerk behavior so it mentally affects you less. <strong>First, try focusing on anything you might gain from your interactions with the jerk.<\/strong> Is there a bright side to the situation you can find? If you can find a positive element, it can help you look back at a situation and feel better about it or get through a long-term connection with a rude, disrespectful person.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, maybe your boss seems nice at first but turns out to be emotionally manipulative and narcissistic with poor personal boundaries. The bright side of that situation might be that your experience with this boss taught you the warning signs of narcissistic, abusive behavior. Therefore, you can more easily avoid working with similar people in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-technique-2-find-a-way-to-empathize\">Technique #2: Find a Way to Empathize<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Alternatively, you might try finding a way to empathize with the jerk so you can eventually forgive them.<\/strong> Research shows that forgiveness benefits the person who was hurt because it allows them to move on from the situation. Forgiving thoughts can lessen the physiological <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/stress-response-in-the-body\/\">stress response<\/a> and alleviate sadness and anger. This doesn\u2019t mean accepting or excusing the jerk\u2019s behavior\u2014it just means letting go of your resentment toward it, which only hurts you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, say your fellow supervisor frequently yells at her employees, and this causes morale problems among the staff. Your higher-ups won\u2019t do anything about it, so you have to continue working with her. Instead of developing a simmering resentment toward her, you try to empathize with the fact that she felt she had to become aggressive to work her way up through the company, even if she\u2019s misguided. This allows you to forgive (though not excuse) her shortcomings and work with her productively.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Is someone in your life a jerk? Do you wish you could neutralize the impact they have on you? When interaction with a jerk is inevitable, you can lessen the jerk\u2019s power over your mental state by changing your mindset. Using cognitive reframing techniques, you can protect yourself from the negative effects of their behavior, even if you\u2019re frequently exposed. Keep reading to learn these techniques and reduce people&#8217;s power over you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":119481,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[1348],"class_list":["post-119474","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-asshole-survival-guide","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Cognitive Reframing Techniques: Reduce People&#039;s Power Over You - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When someone is a jerk to you, cognitive reframing techniques can shield you from the impact they have on you. 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