{"id":115233,"date":"2023-10-14T17:15:00","date_gmt":"2023-10-14T21:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=115233"},"modified":"2023-10-18T15:36:09","modified_gmt":"2023-10-18T19:36:09","slug":"personal-beliefs-about-success","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/personal-beliefs-about-success\/","title":{"rendered":"2 Personal Beliefs About Success You Should Leave Behind"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How do the people around you define success? Do they get it right, or do their expectations make you feel like you come up short?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Author Paul Millerd contends that many people hold two mistaken personal beliefs about success. First, you must meet certain cultural benchmarks to be considered successful. Second, there&#8217;s a certain &#8220;happiness destination&#8221; you should aim for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more to learn about these beliefs and what Millerd recommends you embrace instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-mistaken-belief-1\">Mistaken Belief #1<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Millerd says you might believe that you&#8217;ll be judged as successful only if you meet certain socially determined benchmarks. These benchmarks usually represent the accumulation of wealth or social status. For example, some people define success as becoming debt-free. This personal belief about success is mistaken; studies suggest that most people care more about living their values to the best of their ability than adhering to social standards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-seven-spiritual-laws-of-success\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Deepak Chopra explains in greater detail why external factors like wealth or social status aren\u2019t good markers of success. He argues that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-seven-spiritual-laws-of-success\/1-page-summary#identifying-with-physical-reality-leads-to-fear-based-success\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">external markers of success are ephemeral<\/a>, which gives you anxiety and leads you to make unwise decisions in a frantic attempt to hold onto them. For example, you may become willing to step on others to keep a high-paying job that makes you feel important and secure. Chopra says it\u2019s better to <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-seven-spiritual-laws-of-success\/1-page-summary#identifying-with-the-spiritual-realm-leads-to-joy-based-success\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">prioritize what\u2019s spiritually meaningful to you<\/a> since the joy you experience from achieving goals that align with those priorities is more sustainable.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Mistaken Belief #2<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Millerd says you might have a mistaken personal belief about success known as the \u201carrival fallacy.\u201d This is the idea that, once you achieve a given benchmark such as buying a house, you\u2019ll be happy once and for all. When you inevitably find that it doesn\u2019t make you permanently happy, you apply the same thinking to another, loftier goal. Millerd says this is mistaken because <em>nothing <\/em>can give you permanent happiness.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Experts explain that the arrival fallacy isn\u2019t just unrealistic\u2014it can also <a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/what-is-arrival-fallacy-6561079#:~:text=According%20to%20%22The,New%20York%20Times.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">put you at risk for depression<\/a>. If your expectations about what you\u2019ll feel when you achieve a goal are too high, you become disillusioned when the results aren\u2019t what you thought they\u2019d be, which can lead to a general sense of demoralization. To avoid falling for the arrival fallacy, experts recommend living in the present instead of focusing on future goals, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/practicing-gratitude\/\">practicing gratitude<\/a>, and enjoying the process of working toward goals instead of prioritizing the end result.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Redefine Your Personal Success<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Instead of falling for these mistaken beliefs, reinvent success for yourself.<\/strong> Millerd recommends <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-measure-success\/\">measuring success<\/a> in terms of <em>contributing something important to the world <\/em>and <em>living according to your values. <\/em>He explains that this dynamic process will naturally bring recurrent joy to your daily life, whereas static achievements like home ownership happen one time only and are innately less fulfilling.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/seth-stephens-davidowitz-happiness\/\">Research on happiness<\/a> supports the notion that you should measure success in terms of your integrity and your contributions to society. First, living your values helps you prevent <a href=\"https:\/\/www.medicalnewstoday.com\/articles\/326738#signs\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>cognitive dissonance<\/em><\/a>\u2014an uncomfortable sense that you\u2019re not doing what you should\u2014and achieve <a href=\"https:\/\/colegia.news\/student-blog\/cognitive-consonance-and-happiness#:~:text=Having%20this%20balance%20can%20help%20ease%20our%20anxiety%2C%20lower%20stress%2C%20and%20get%20us%20closer%20to%20being%20our%20best%20possible%20self.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>cognitive consonance<\/em><\/a> instead, which reduces anxiety and helps you feel like a good person. Second, contributing to society satisfies a basic psychological need. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.nature.com\/articles\/s41562-018-0389-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Humans are an interdependent, social species<\/a>, so feeling connected to others enhances well-being, and studies suggest that <a href=\"https:\/\/greatergood.berkeley.edu\/article\/item\/can_helping_others_help_you_find_meaning_in_life\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">helping others is a powerful way to reinforce this sense of connection<\/a>.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do the people around you define success? Do they get it right, or do their expectations make you feel like you come up short? Author Paul Millerd contends that many people hold two mistaken personal beliefs about success. First, you must meet certain cultural benchmarks to be considered successful. Second, there&#8217;s a certain &#8220;happiness destination&#8221; you should aim for. Read more to learn about these beliefs and what Millerd recommends you embrace instead.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":64091,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,42],"tags":[1291],"class_list":["post-115233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-motivation","tag-the-pathless-path","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>2 Personal Beliefs About Success You Should Leave Behind - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Many people hold two mistaken personal beliefs about success. 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