{"id":114752,"date":"2023-09-26T09:21:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-26T13:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=114752"},"modified":"2023-10-06T12:56:36","modified_gmt":"2023-10-06T16:56:36","slug":"parenting-practices","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/parenting-practices\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Philippa Perry Parenting Practices for Moms and Dads"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What’s your attachment style<\/a>? How do you help your child process their emotions? Does your childhood past seep into your parenting present?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read<\/em>, Philippa Perry offers guidance for strengthening your bonds with your child and raising an emotionally secure individual. She shares several practical actions you can take to move in this direction.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more for seven Philippa Perry parenting practices that can bring about positive changes in your family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

7 Philippa Perry Parenting Practices<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Philippa Perry shares ways you can decipher where emotions belong, consider your own attachment style, respond to your baby\u2019s cries, name your child\u2019s emotions, change your behavior<\/a> and apologize, address negative self-talk<\/a>, and avoid accusatory statements. Let’s dive into the details of each of these Philippa Perry parenting practices.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #1: Decipher Where Emotions Belong<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Perry states that your past doesn\u2019t <\/strong>have<\/em><\/strong> to rule your relationship with your child<\/strong>\u2014if you examine and reflect on your childhood and allow yourself to feel the accompanying emotions, you can avoid passing the same issues down the family line. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every time you feel an unpleasant emotion resulting from your child\u2019s behavior, take it as a cue to think about any other possible sources for that feeling. Pause instead of expressing the emotion, step away from the situation, and take some time to reflect. Ask yourself if the emotion fits the present situation or if it\u2019s related to something that happened to you in the past. What\u2019s preventing you from understanding and empathizing with your child\u2019s perspective? This will help you avoid acting on the negative feelings and emotionally harming your child in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, after snapping at your child to stop talking about dinosaurs, you feel bad, so you think about where your annoyance stems from. Upon reflecting, you remember that when you were the same age, your parents rarely took the time to listen to what you were interested in\u2014they always brushed you off or shushed you so they could continue talking about their interests. Instead of snapping the next time, you engage your child in a conversation about dinosaurs so he knows you\u2019re interested in what he cares about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #2: Consider Your Own Attachment Style<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Perry states that the ideal is to create a secure attachment with your baby.<\/strong> To do this, think about what your<\/em> attachment style might be. Do you form close, secure attachments with people, or do you struggle with this? If your experience is the latter, you may need to be more mindful about forming your relationship with your baby to create a secure attachment with them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #3: Respond to Your Baby\u2019s Cries<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Second, Perry states that the best way to create a secure attachment is by consistently responding to your baby\u2019s cries.<\/strong> Babies can express themselves only by crying out. They can\u2019t soothe themselves, nor do they have object permanence (our ability to discern that something exists when we can\u2019t see it). So, they can\u2019t reason with themselves and know that you\u2019re still close to them if you\u2019re not within their sight. When no one responds to them, they feel alone and scared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Responding to babies\u2019 cries is how you show them that they\u2019re safe\u2014they learn how to soothe themselves when you\u2019re consistently comforting them and showing them that you\u2019re there for them. If, in contrast, you frequently let your baby cry for long periods without going to them, Perry argues that they\u2019ll eventually stop crying because they\u2019re suppressing the feelings that make them cry\u2014not because they\u2019ve learned to calm down in a healthy way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #4: Name Your Child\u2019s Emotions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Perry says to practice naming your child\u2019s emotions when they\u2019re upset to show that you understand them and to show them how to do it for themselves.<\/strong> As you do this, remember to consider their age and how it affects their ability to express themselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your child may react in a way that seems irrational to you, but their feelings are as valid as anyone else\u2019s. For example, say your child falls and hits their knee. They have a small scrape, but you can tell they aren\u2019t seriously hurt. Still, they begin to cry inconsolably. You might feel tempted to tell them not to cry or that their scrape is no big deal because it hurts you to see them so upset. However, this likely won\u2019t comfort them since to them, the injury feels like a real danger. They might stop crying to please you, but they won\u2019t feel understood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, acknowledge their feelings by saying something such as \u201cYou hurt your knee and I see that made you feel scared.\u201d This shows them that you\u2019re in tune with their feelings, they\u2019re allowed to feel that way, and you\u2019re there to support them. Over time, they\u2019ll learn to name their emotions themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #5: Change Your Behavior and Apologize<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To make amends for mistakes, Perry says to start by apologizing to your child and explaining what you did wrong, why you did what you did, and what you\u2019d do differently.<\/strong> Then, change your behavior\u2014figure out what prompted your unfair reaction or the misunderstanding, and act differently the next time a similar situation arises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #6: Address Negative Self-Talk<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

To set your child up to have a positive self-relationship, you must address the negative ways you treat and speak to yourself.<\/strong> Perry states that the first step is to recognize your patterns of negative self-talk. These patterns often go unnoticed because they\u2019re embedded in your self-image, so it\u2019s important to consciously identify them. Start by writing down every negative thought you have about yourself for a day. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you\u2019ve identified a negative thought, don\u2019t try to reason with it\u2014engaging with it will take up too much of your energy and be unproductive. Instead, acknowledge the thought and pretend it\u2019s an uncomfortable comment made by a person whose opinion you disagree with. Remind yourself that they can share their opinion, but you don\u2019t have to listen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, prove the thought wrong by doing something it claims you can\u2019t do. By doing the thing that feels impossible, you build your confidence and create evidence to look back on when you begin to question yourself again. For instance, returning to our previous example, you might start working on the book you\u2019ve always wanted to write despite the negative thoughts that tell you you\u2019re not smart enough to be an author. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practice #7: Avoid Accusatory Statements<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Perry, when bringing up an issue, it\u2019s best to avoid accusatory statements about what the other person did wrong.<\/strong> Using accusatory language can make them feel as if you\u2019re creating a narrative<\/a> and you\u2019re unwilling to hear their point of view. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, use first-person pronouns and focus on how the situation makes you feel. For example, instead of saying, \u201cYou never help with the laundry, and that\u2019s why the house is a mess,\u201d say, \u201cI\u2019d appreciate it if you helped more with the laundry because it\u2019s hard for me to keep everything tidy myself.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What’s your attachment style? How do you help your child process their emotions? Does your childhood past seep into your parenting present? In The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, Philippa Perry offers guidance for strengthening your bonds with your child and raising an emotionally secure individual. She shares several practical actions you can take to move in this direction. Read more for seven Philippa Perry parenting practices that can bring about positive changes in your family.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":74953,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,9],"tags":[1283],"class_list":["post-114752","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-psychology","tag-the-book-you-wish-your-parents-had-read","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\n7 Philippa Perry Parenting Practices for Moms and Dads - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Philippa Perry says you can improve your parent-child relationship no matter your child\u2019s age. 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