{"id":114635,"date":"2023-09-30T10:19:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-30T14:19:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=114635"},"modified":"2023-10-06T12:56:44","modified_gmt":"2023-10-06T16:56:44","slug":"conflict-resolution-for-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/conflict-resolution-for-children\/","title":{"rendered":"How Parents Can Model Healthy Conflict Resolution for Children"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

How well do you handle disagreements with others? What are your children learning from you when it comes to conflict resolution<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Disagreements are unavoidable in life. What matters is how we handle them when they arise. Conflict resolution is a valuable life skill, and kids need to learn early on how to settle disputes with others in a way that’s a relational win for everyone involved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Continue reading to learn how to model healthy conflict resolution for children.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Healthy Conflict Resolution for Children<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Just as it\u2019s important to teach your child to interact with themselves in a healthy way, Perry argues that it\u2019s important to teach them how to treat others, especially during conflicts. It\u2019s inevitable that there will sometimes be conflicts in a household, whether between two parents, between a parent and a child, or between two other people. Having conflicts isn\u2019t inherently a problem\u2014it\u2019s the way you approach<\/em> these disputes that matters. Perry offers advice on how you, as a parent, can model healthy conflict resolution for children who are looking to you for cues.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Conflict resolution has a large effect on your child\u2019s feelings of security and safety. If conflicts are consistently handled in nonconstructive, dysfunctional ways, a child may feel emotionally insecure in their home space\u2014unable to relax because they never know when the next conflict will happen. As they\u2019re always on alert, they may find it hard to be open and curious when interacting with the rest of the world.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Handling Conflict<\/a> Predictably Helps Children<\/strong>

Resolving conflict predictably makes a child feel emotionally and physically safe<\/a>, according to Nathaniel Branden in The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem<\/em><\/a>. The rules don\u2019t constantly change, and the parents act relatively stably. (In the context of conflict resolution, this might mean consistently using the same methods for handling disagreements and not reacting volatilely.)

Growing up in a predictable environment supports the development of self-efficacy: If children can accurately predict what will happen in their home, they learn that their mind is useful and trustworthy. When they trust their mind, they grow confident in their judgment, and they can approach new people and new things with curiosity instead of fear.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

To model healthy conflict resolution for children\u2014whether you\u2019re in a disagreement with them or with someone else\u2014Perry suggests paying attention<\/a> to your language. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Putting It Into Practice: Avoid Accusatory Statements<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

According to Perry, when bringing up an issue, it\u2019s best to avoid accusatory statements about what the other person did wrong. Using accusatory language can make them feel as if you\u2019re creating a narrative<\/a> and you\u2019re unwilling to hear their point of view.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, use first-person pronouns and focus on how the situation makes you feel. For example, instead of saying, \u201cYou never help with the laundry, and that\u2019s why the house is a mess,\u201d say, \u201cI\u2019d appreciate it if you helped more with the laundry because it\u2019s hard for me to keep everything tidy myself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Further Benefits of \u201cI Statements\u201d and Advice for Conflict Resolution<\/strong>

Non-accusatory \u201cI statements\u201d<\/a> have additional benefits beyond showing that you\u2019re open to other points of view. First, these statements help you assert your needs without making the other person feel blamed or defensive. They also show that you\u2019re in control of your emotions. Additionally, they\u2019re solutions-focused: Instead of sending the message that there\u2019s something wrong with the other person and they need to fix it, you\u2019re sending the message that you have a problem you\u2019d like to find a solution for together.

Finally, \u201cI statements\u201d can help move a conflict along by prompting reciprocity. We have a psychological tendency to reciprocate what someone gives us, including communication. This means that if you speak in a non-confrontational, feelings-focused manner, the other person will likely mirror your behavior.

Additionally, when working through a conflict in front of your kids, ensure that you resolve<\/em> the conflict in front of them too.<\/a> If the resolution happens where they can\u2019t see it, they won\u2019t get the full benefit of seeing you work things out, and they won\u2019t be able to learn from it. Likewise, they won\u2019t get any closure on the disagreement, so they might worry that it\u2019s still happening.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How well do you handle disagreements with others? What are your children learning from you when it comes to conflict resolution? Disagreements are unavoidable in life. What matters is how we handle them when they arise. Conflict resolution is a valuable life skill, and kids need to learn early on how to settle disputes with others in a way that’s a relational win for everyone involved. Continue reading to learn how to model healthy conflict resolution for children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":88187,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,9,43],"tags":[1283],"class_list":["post-114635","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-the-book-you-wish-your-parents-had-read","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow Parents Can Model Healthy Conflict Resolution for Children - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How well do you handle disagreements? 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