{"id":114622,"date":"2023-10-02T09:42:00","date_gmt":"2023-10-02T13:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=114622"},"modified":"2023-10-06T12:56:48","modified_gmt":"2023-10-06T16:56:48","slug":"should-parents-apologize","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/should-parents-apologize\/","title":{"rendered":"Should Parents Apologize to Their Kids When They Mess Up?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Should parents apologize when they make mistakes? If so, how? What difference does it make for your children?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a parent, you&#8217;re the top <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/your-role-models\/\">role model<\/a> for your kids. While you&#8217;d like to be perfect, you&#8217;re not. You might want your kids to think you&#8217;re perfect, but that sort of unrealistic perspective harms them more than it helps them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more to learn why it&#8217;s important for you and your children that you own up to your mistakes and make amends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-should-parents-apologize\">Should Parents Apologize?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Psychotherapist and parent Philippa Perry argues that, though you should strive for emotional stability and empathy, being a good parent isn\u2019t about behaving perfectly all the time. You\u2019ll occasionally react in an unhelpful way, hurt your child\u2019s feelings, or misunderstand your child. So, should parents apologize? Perry says they should. What\u2019s most important for your parent-child relationship is that you acknowledge your imperfections and make amends for the harm you cause.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some people think that, to feel safe, a child needs to believe their parents don\u2019t make mistakes. However, this belief is faulty\u2014children need you to model honesty and humility for them, not perfection. If you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/act-as-if\/\">act as if<\/a> you\u2019re always right and never acknowledge your mistakes, you risk making your child feel like you don\u2019t care about their feelings or that they\u2019re responsible for your moods.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Your child\u2019s intuition will likely tell them <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/what-if-youre-wrong\/\">when you\u2019re wrong<\/a>, but your refusal to acknowledge it will make them question the validity of their feelings, increasing the likelihood that they\u2019ll suppress them later. This may negatively affect the way they relate to other people, leading them to accommodate other people\u2019s needs over their own. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Why You Shouldn\u2019t Ignore Your Mistakes (And Why You <em>Should<\/em> Admit Them)<\/strong><br><br>As Perry suggests, ignoring your mistakes as a parent can have serious consequences for the way your child relates to others. If you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/make-a-habit\/\">make a habit<\/a> of never acknowledging or actively denying any time you\u2019re wrong, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.romper.com\/p\/5-reasons-you-should-always-admit-to-your-kid-when-youre-wrong-18811\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">that can become gaslighting<\/a>\u2014a manipulation tactic that conditions victims to doubt their perceptions by consistently refuting them. No matter how good your intentions are toward your child, this pattern of behavior can make them more susceptible to emotional manipulation and gaslighting in their other relationships, since they\u2019ve become used to doubting their reality. This leaves them vulnerable to abusive relationships.<br><br>There are several <a href=\"https:\/\/stanceforthefamily.byu.edu\/parenting-tip-7-admit-when-you-are-wrong\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">benefits of admitting when you\u2019re wrong as a parent<\/a> beyond demonstrating honesty and validating your child\u2019s feelings. For instance, when your child sees you admitting your mistakes, it makes them feel like they can make mistakes too. This reduces the chance they\u2019ll become a perfectionist, which can lead to anxiety, difficulties in school and work, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/low-self-worth\/\">low self-worth<\/a>. Additionally, admitting your mistakes makes you stay accountable as a parent and a person\u2014when you acknowledge wrongdoing, you\u2019re less likely to repeat the same behavior.&nbsp;<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-putting-it-into-practice-change-your-behavior-and-apologize\">Putting It Into Practice: Change Your Behavior and Apologize<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>To make amends for mistakes, Perry says to start by apologizing to your child and explaining what you did wrong, why you did what you did, and what you\u2019d do differently. Then, change your behavior\u2014figure out what prompted your unfair reaction or the misunderstanding, and act differently the next time a similar situation arises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: When making amends with your child, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.parents.com\/parenting\/better-parenting\/advice\/how-to-apologize-to-your-kids-the-right-way\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the following tips from parenting experts<\/a> may be helpful: First, acknowledge any hurt feelings they may have. For example, you might say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I know I upset you.\u201d Second, explain the circumstances behind your reaction. This isn\u2019t making an excuse\u2014it\u2019s giving your child the context they need to feel compassion for you and see that you\u2019re human. For example, you might tell them that you snapped at them because you had a hard day at work, but that doesn\u2019t make it OK. Third, be specific when telling them what you\u2019ll do to ensure that the same thing doesn\u2019t happen again. For example, you might promise that you\u2019ll take a deep breath before reacting the next time.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Should parents apologize when they make mistakes? If so, how? What difference does it make for your children? As a parent, you&#8217;re the top role model for your kids. While you&#8217;d like to be perfect, you&#8217;re not. You might want your kids to think you&#8217;re perfect, but that sort of unrealistic perspective harms them more than it helps them. Read more to learn why it&#8217;s important for you and your children that you own up to your mistakes and make amends.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":79456,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,43],"tags":[1283],"class_list":["post-114622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-self-improvement","tag-the-book-you-wish-your-parents-had-read","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Should Parents Apologize to Their Kids When They Mess Up? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Should parents apologize? 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