Are you honest with yourself about your emotions? Do you allow yourself to feel? Do your values lead toward your ideal future?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You don’t have to let narratives\u2014or your emotional responses to them\u2014control you. Instead, you can be emotionally agile\u2014viewing events and emotions objectively and responding deliberately. To do this, label your emotions, accept your emotions<\/a>, view your emotions objectively, and choose your values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Keep reading to learn how to become emotionally agile by engaging in this four-part process put forth by Susan David in her book Emotional Agility<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n The first step to becoming emotionally agile is <\/strong>labeling<\/a> your emotions<\/em>\u2014that is, using honest, specific language to describe what you\u2019re feeling. <\/strong>David argues that the combination of honesty and specificity forces you to understand the exact nature of your emotions, no matter how uncomfortable. Otherwise, you might feel tempted to ignore them or to use vague words to avoid painful vulnerability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, you might carry a decades-old burden of shame for never completing your education. You\u2019ve previously talked about these feelings in a way that lacks specificity: \u201cI wish I\u2019d \u2018done things differently\u2019 in life.\u201d Based on this generality, you think a career change will make you feel better\u2014but this doesn\u2019t address your feelings of shame and therefore doesn\u2019t help. On the other hand, labeling your emotions<\/a> precisely might mean saying, \u201cFor decades, I\u2019ve regretted dropping out of college. I\u2019ve felt shame for failing and wasting my parents\u2019 money. Every day since then, I feel sick at the mention of school or career growth.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you\u2019ve labeled your emotions, you can begin the second step of becoming emotionally agile: accepting your emotions<\/a>.<\/em> This means compassionately giving yourself permission to feel, struggle, and fail. <\/strong>You\u2019ll acknowledge that neither the act of feeling unwanted emotions\u2014particularly guilt and shame\u2014nor the act of believing inaccurate narratives make you less of a person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To achieve acceptance and self-compassion<\/a>, David encourages you to look at your own faults and flaws as you would those of a loved one or a young child\u2014with forgiveness. This strips away the accusatory power that self-narratives<\/a> often hold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n In our example of feeling guilty about dropping out of college, you might be telling yourself that failing in the past makes you a failure. Self-compassion in this case might mean saying, \u201cI regret my past decision, but I can still learn from it and make different choices in the future.\u201d You acknowledge your past mistakes without believing the lie that you should feel guilt or shame forever<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n David notes that accepting your emotions can help you use them for their evolutionary purpose: prompting behaviors that can improve your life. Regret from dropping out of college might prompt reflection and planning for a return to school or an attempt at moving up in your career\u2014without<\/em> the fear that you\u2019re a failure who\u2019ll never succeed in new ventures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Labeling and accepting your emotions goes a long way to reducing their intensity and power over you\u2014which makes it easier to take the third step of becoming emotionally agile: viewing your emotions from an objective perspective<\/strong>. David says that, when you\u2019re able to look at your emotions\u2014and the narratives they come from\u2014from a rational, objective standpoint, you\u2019ll be able to see the flaws in your narrative and in your emotional reactions to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you might feel anger as your brain forms the narrative, “He deliberately <\/em>cut in front of me!” For the rest of your commute, you brood in your anger. However, if you think about the situation objectively, you\u2019ll realize that the other driver likely wasn\u2019t <\/em>trying to mistreat you\u2014he simply didn\u2019t see you\u2014and there\u2019s no reason to be so angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Additionally, understanding that your emotions are temporary experiences, <\/em>not absolute truths<\/em> about your life helps lessen the power of the narratives you hold about yourself<\/strong>. <\/strong>For example, the fact that you feel sad <\/em>in reaction to an event doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t handle stress or that your situation is hopeless. It only means that, at that moment, you feel sad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n David offers two techniques for gaining an objective perspective: mindfulness<\/a><\/em> for handling your present emotions and journaling<\/em> for handling your past emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Mindfulness is the act of paying attention<\/a> to your senses, emotions, and surroundings without judgment.<\/strong> David suggests that, by paying attention to the stimuli in your surroundings\u2014and the emotions that arise from your thoughts about these stimuli\u2014you can weaken your instinct to believe your narratives. Your brain avoids mindfulness to save you mental energy<\/a> in everyday life: If you can <\/em>pour a glass of water without paying close attention, you\u2019ll likely do so on autopilot every time you\u2019re thirsty. While on autopilot in this way, you\u2019re more susceptible to your narratives and emotions controlling you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n However, David says you don\u2019t need to be mindful at every moment in order to ward against narrative and emotional control. Instead, pay deliberate attention to your surrounding stimuli from time to time throughout the day. You\u2019ll gradually become more mindful with practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Journaling means writing down your experiences, feelings, and thoughts\u2014or narrating them into a voice recorder. Unlike mindfulness, which deals with present emotions, journaling is a technique for processing past<\/em> emotions and narratives. David says journaling naturally leads you to label and accept your emotions, offering you a more objective understanding of <\/em>those emotions. Journaling can reduce the power of lifelong emotions and narratives, preparing you to actively choose your responses to emotions in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now that you\u2019ve learned how to take back control from your narratives and emotions, you can move on to the final step of becoming emotionally agile: choosing your values<\/a>. Values are the guiding principles that shape your behaviors and decisions, the things in life that you believe are most important.<\/strong> David explains that everyone <\/em>has values, whether they realize it or not\u2014though for most people, many of these values are intrinsically tied to unconscious narratives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, your extended family might consider \u201cfamily\u201d a core value\u2014and look down on you for cutting an abusive parent out <\/em>of your life. You might then feel tempted to believe the narrative that you must always remain in contact with your family, no matter what.<\/p>\n\n\n\n David recommends contemplating the values others impose on you.<\/strong> Examine your behavior across different settings in your life. Do you act or speak differently around friends, family, and others? If so, why? Does this arise from a desire to appease <\/em>or impress <\/em>others who value certain behaviors more <\/em>than you do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n David says that, besides the values you receive from others, you also carry a set of personal, unique <\/em>values that, when pursued, will give you a sense of fulfillment and purpose.<\/strong> When you objectively understand your emotions<\/a>, you don\u2019t instinctively believe what your narratives and emotions say you should<\/em> value. <\/em>You\u2019re free to purposely determine\u2014and live by\u2014your personal values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n David gives advice on how to determine your values<\/a>: Ask yourself what life you\u2019d pursue if you had no obstacles or stress standing in your way.<\/strong> When you go to bed each night, think over your day and decide what parts of it were valuable and which didn\u2019t feel fulfilling. Imagine what your future self<\/a> might think of your current values\u2014and where those values will lead you in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Consider a recent event to which you reacted poorly in a way you later regretted. This exercise will help you reflect on the event\u2014and determine a better course of action in the future\u2014using the principles of emotional agility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Are you honest with yourself about your emotions? Do you allow yourself to feel? Do your values lead toward your ideal future? You don’t have to let narratives\u2014or your emotional responses to them\u2014control you. Instead, you can be emotionally agile\u2014viewing events and emotions objectively and responding deliberately. To do this, label your emotions, accept your emotions, view your emotions objectively, and choose your values. Keep reading to learn how to become emotionally agile by engaging in this four-part process put forth by Susan David in her book Emotional Agility.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":79811,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[1275],"class_list":["post-114100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-emotional-agility","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nStep 1: Label Your Emotions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Step 2: Accept Your Emotions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Step 3: View Your Emotions Objectively<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Handle Present Emotions With Mindfulness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Handle Past Emotions With Journaling<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Step 4: Choose Your Values<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Choose and Pursue Your Personal<\/em> Values<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Exercise: Assess Your Emotional Agility <\/h2>\n\n\n\n