{"id":114093,"date":"2023-09-22T14:16:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-22T18:16:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=114093"},"modified":"2023-09-29T10:29:54","modified_gmt":"2023-09-29T14:29:54","slug":"how-to-determine-your-values","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-determine-your-values\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Determine Your Values: Envision Your Ideal Life"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are your values based on the truth? Are they truly your own, or have they been imposed on you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Susan David advocates cultivating the skill of emotional agility, and she outlines four steps you can take to get there. The last step is to choose your values. It starts with figuring out whether your current values are based on reality and whether they’re truly your own, and it culminates in envisioning your future<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more to discover how to determine your values with David’s process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How to Determine Your Values<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Values are the guiding principles that shape your behaviors and decisions, the things in life that you believe are most important.<\/strong> David, a clinical psychologist, explains that everyone <\/em>has values whether they realize it or not. Though, for most people, many of these values are intrinsically tied to unconscious narratives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, your extended family might consider \u201cfamily\u201d a core value\u2014and look down on you for cutting an abusive parent out <\/em>of your life. You might then feel tempted to believe the narrative that you must always remain in contact with your family, no matter what.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David’s advice on how to determine your values starts with a recommendation to contemplate the values others impose on you.<\/strong> Examine your behavior across different settings in your life. Do you act or speak differently around friends, family, and others? If so, why? Does this arise from a desire to appease <\/em>or impress <\/em>others who value certain behaviors more <\/em>than you do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think,<\/em><\/a> author Brianna Wiest suggests that the compulsion to adopt others\u2019 values as your own comes from the need for external validation.<\/a> Early in life, you likely created a narrative that conforming to the expectations of others was the only way you could experience comfort and happiness: If you acted according to their desires and expectations, you were rewarded\u2014for example, with extra attention and affection. On the other hand, if you acted against their desires and expectations, you were punished\u2014for example, with rejection or social humiliation<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choose and Pursue Your Personal<\/em> Values<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

David says that, besides the values you receive from others, you also carry a set of <\/strong>personal, unique <\/em><\/strong>values that, when pursued, will give you a sense of fulfillment and purpose.<\/strong> When you objectively understand your emotions<\/a>, you don\u2019t instinctively believe what your narratives and emotions say you should<\/em> value. <\/em>You\u2019re free to purposely determine\u2014and live by\u2014your personal values.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David gives advice on how to determine your values: Ask yourself what life you\u2019d pursue if you had no obstacles or stress standing in your way.<\/strong> When you go to bed each night, think over your day and decide what parts of it were valuable and which didn\u2019t feel fulfilling. Imagine what your future self<\/a> might think of your current values\u2014and where those values will lead you in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: It can be intimidating to consider every aspect of your life to determine what you value within it. In Designing Your Life,<\/em><\/a> <\/em>Bill Burnett and Dave Evans suggest an exercise to guide your thoughts. Think of your values in terms of four categories:<\/a> health (mental, physical, and spiritual), work (both paid and unpaid), joy (what makes you happy<\/a> and relaxed), and interpersonal relationships. Contemplate how satisfied you feel in each category. If you don\u2019t feel satisfied in a category, think about what would improve your satisfaction\u2014this will highlight where your current value set may be falling short.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choose Value-Based Goals<\/a><\/strong>

Once you have your values in mind, how do you set goals that honor your values and make them a more central part of your life? Simon Sinek’s Start With Why<\/em><\/a> offers a way to set value-based goals. He explains that truly great companies start with a \u201cwhy\u201d\u2014<\/em>values that inspire you and give you a feeling of purpose\u2014instead of starting with a \u201cwhat,\u201d or their products and services. Though Sinek wrote this book to help companies <\/em>make values-based goals, you can adapt his principles to choosing personal <\/em>goals as well. Let\u2019s explore how.

Once you\u2019ve determined your personal values, decide the actions you’re willing to take to pursue your values\u2014and note actions you\u2019re not<\/em> willing to take, or actions that contradict your values. For example, if you value \u201cfamily,\u201d consider what you\u2019re willing to do to honor this value. Would you be willing to adjust your work schedule to attend a child’s extracurricular activities? Are there some actions you won’t take because they’ll harm <\/em>one value, even if they serve <\/em>another?

Then, choose your goals based on these reflections. Sinek suggests turning a value into a concrete action: The value “family” might become, “Eat dinner with my family every weeknight.”<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are your values based on the truth? Are they truly your own, or have they been imposed on you? Susan David advocates cultivating the skill of emotional agility, and she outlines four steps you can take to get there. The last step is to choose your values. It starts with figuring out whether your current values are based on reality and whether they’re truly your own, and it culminates in envisioning your future. Read more to discover how to determine your values with David’s process.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":39046,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,43],"tags":[1275],"class_list":["post-114093","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-self-improvement","tag-emotional-agility","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Determine Your Values: Envision Your Ideal Life - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are your values based on reality? Are they truly your own? 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