{"id":114037,"date":"2023-09-23T17:14:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-23T21:14:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=114037"},"modified":"2023-09-29T10:29:55","modified_gmt":"2023-09-29T14:29:55","slug":"how-to-understand-your-feelings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-understand-your-feelings\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Understand Your Feelings: Be Objective About Them"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are feelings experiences or truths? Are emotions connected to personality? How should your emotions about the past be understood differently from what you’re feeling right now?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Susan David explains that most people react instinctively <\/em>to their perceptions of events. She argues that you can break free of these controlling narratives by practicing emotional agility. She shares recommendations for understanding both your present and past emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more to learn how to understand<\/a> your feelings by being objective about them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How to Understand Your Feelings<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

David’s advice on how to understand your feelings<\/a> is wrapped up in her third step in developing emotional agility: viewing your emotions from an objective perspective. David says that, when you\u2019re able to look at your emotions\u2014and the narratives they come from\u2014from a rational, objective standpoint, you’ll be able to see the flaws in your narrative and in your emotional reactions to it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you might feel anger as your brain forms the narrative, “He deliberately <\/em>cut in front of me!” For the rest of your commute, you brood in your anger. However, if you think about the situation objectively, you\u2019ll realize that the other driver likely wasn\u2019t <\/em>trying to mistreat you\u2014he simply didn\u2019t see you\u2014and there\u2019s no reason to be so angry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Some people may find it more difficult than others to see their emotions objectively. Research shows that people with Major Depressive Disorder have lower activity in the part of the brain responsible for voluntary emotional regulation,<\/a> and injuries to the frontal lobe<\/a> can hinder your ability to recognize your emotions<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Additionally, understanding that your emotions are temporary experiences <\/em>and <\/em>not absolute truths<\/em> about your life helps lessen the power of the narratives you hold about yourself<\/strong>. <\/strong>For example, the fact that you feel sad <\/em>in reaction to an event doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t handle stress or that your situation is hopeless. It only means that, at that moment, you feel sad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

David offers two techniques for gaining an objective perspective: mindfulness<\/a><\/em> for handling your present emotions and journaling<\/em> for handling your past emotions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How Emotions Relate to Personality<\/strong>

While David says that your emotions are only temporary and aren\u2019t truths<\/em> about you and your life, some psychological trait researchers emphasize a link between your personality traits and the emotions you frequently feel. One study describes a link between various emotions<\/a> (and emotional regulation strategies) and the classic \u201cbig five\u201d personality traits:

Openness to experience:<\/strong> More curious people tend to be more accepting of their emotions.

Conscientiousness:<\/strong> More organized people tend to be more mindful of their emotions.

Extraversion:<\/strong> More outgoing people are more likely to experience positive emotions.

Agreeableness:<\/strong> More compassionate people are more likely to feel positive emotions<\/a> toward others.

Neuroticism:<\/strong> More nervous people are more likely to experience negative emotions.

However, while these traits are useful descriptors, they don\u2019t define <\/em>you. In Personality Isn\u2019t Permanent,<\/em><\/a> <\/em>psychologist Benjamin Hardy says your personality changes throughout your life<\/a>\u2014in response to both major life events and your daily habits and choices. Indeed, studies show that as people grow older, they tend to become more outgoing, organized, and agreeable.<\/a><\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Understand Present Emotions With Mindfulness<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Mindfulness is the act of paying attention<\/a> to your senses, emotions, and surroundings without judgment.<\/strong> David suggests that, by paying attention to the stimuli in your surroundings\u2014and the emotions that arise from your thoughts about these stimuli\u2014you can weaken your instinct to believe your narratives. Your brain avoids mindfulness to save you mental energy<\/a> in everyday life: If you can <\/em>pour a glass of water without paying close attention, you\u2019ll likely do so on autopilot every time you\u2019re thirsty. While on autopilot in this way, you\u2019re more susceptible to your narratives and emotions controlling you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, David says you don\u2019t need to be mindful at every moment in order to ward against narrative and emotional control. Instead, pay deliberate attention to your surrounding stimuli from time to time throughout the day. You\u2019ll gradually become more mindful with practice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Understand Past Emotions With Journaling<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Journaling means writing down your experiences, feelings, and thoughts\u2014or narrating them into a voice recorder. Unlike mindfulness, which deals with present emotions, journaling is a technique for processing past<\/em> emotions and narratives. David says journaling naturally leads you to label and accept your emotions<\/a>, offering you a more objective understanding of <\/em>those emotions. Journaling can reduce the power of lifelong emotions and narratives, preparing you to actively choose your responses to emotions in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider The Bullet Journal Method<\/em><\/strong>

While journaling can be a helpful practice, research suggests that it can<\/em> easily turn into a form of brooding<\/a> if you journal about stressful events themselves instead of your emotions related to those events. One journaling method that may be particularly well-suited to enable emotional agility instead of brooding is bullet journaling.

In The Bullet Journal Method,<\/em><\/a> Ryder Carroll suggests the following techniques:

Write by hand.<\/a> Writing by hand is usually slower than typing or speaking, so you\u2019re more likely to mindfully pay attention to your emotions<\/a> and surroundings while writing.

Reflect on the past.<\/a> Carroll encourages you to reflect on past experiences by writing about them daily, considering your feelings and different ways you could have chosen to respond to events.

Plan for the future.<\/a> Regularly revisiting your goals for the future helps you think ahead to what you want<\/em> to do, and planning your goals<\/a> far enough in advance allows you to tweak them as you discover what values you want to live by.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are feelings experiences or truths? Are emotions connected to personality? How should your emotions about the past be understood differently from what you’re feeling right now? Susan David explains that most people react instinctively to their perceptions of events. She argues that you can break free of these controlling narratives by practicing emotional agility. She shares recommendations for understanding both your present and past emotions. 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