{"id":113370,"date":"2023-09-10T14:59:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-10T18:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=113370"},"modified":"2023-09-21T13:27:09","modified_gmt":"2023-09-21T17:27:09","slug":"personal-standards","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/personal-standards\/","title":{"rendered":"Personal Standards: Rule Structure vs. The Four Tendencies"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What rules do you have for yourself? What expectations do you have for the people in your life?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>Words That Change Minds<\/em>, Shelle Rose Charvet&#8217;s Rule Structure describes the behavioral standards that someone expects themselves and others to meet. We&#8217;ll compare her Rule Structure with <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/gretchen-rubin-four-tendencies\/\">Gretchen Rubin&#8217;s Four Tendencies<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading for an insightful discussion about personal standards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-personal-standards\">Personal Standards<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Charvet, people can have one of four possible types of personal standards: objective, subjective, external, and egocentric. People with <em>objective <\/em>standards believe that certain behavior is objectively virtuous and desirable, judging everyone\u2019s work (including their own) by the same criteria. In contrast, people with <em>subjective<\/em> standards believe that what\u2019s good for one individual might not be good for another, and they tend to avoid judging or intervening in the behavior of others.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People with <em>external standards<\/em> need someone or something to tell them what behavior is appropriate or objectively good. They then apply these rules as objective standards for themselves and others. Finally, people with <em>egocentric standards<\/em> do whatever they believe is best and completely disregard the behavior of others. They also disregard whatever standards others have for them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Charvet recommends discerning someone\u2019s personal standards by directly asking them how they would ideally behave at work, then asking how someone else should ideally behave at work. To influence someone, appeal to their personal standards. For example, if someone has subjective standards, you might say, \u201cAttending this leadership conference might not benefit everyone, but I think it would serve you well.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Comparing Personal Standards to The Four Tendencies<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-four-tendencies\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Four Tendencies<\/em><\/a>, Gretchen Rubin outlines a similar system, profiling <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-four-tendencies\/introduction\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">four different ways that people relate to personal standards<\/a>. Rubin goes into more depth than Charvet on the topic of influencing people based on their personal standards\u2014we\u2019ll explain her strategies for each tendency.<br><br>Charvet\u2019s concept of external standards closely aligns with the personality type Rubin calls the \u201cObliger.\u201d Obligers fulfill the expectations of others but ignore any expectations they have for themselves. Rubin notes that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-four-tendencies\/chapter-4#weaknesses-of-obligers\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Obligers are prone to burnout<\/a>\u2014they strive to fulfill so many external expectations that they exhaust themselves and lose the ability to fulfill <em>any<\/em> expectations. Thus, when you influence an Obliger, be careful not to overload them with too many requests.<br><br>Charvet\u2019s egocentric standards and Rubin\u2019s \u201cRebel\u201d tendency are similar in that it\u2019s extremely difficult for other people to influence their behavior. Rebels defy both internal and external expectations\u2014they do whatever they feel like and resist telling themselves that they \u201chave to\u201d do anything. If you need to influence a Rebel, Rubin recommends <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-four-tendencies\/chapter-5#how-others-can-help-rebels-meet-expectations\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">convincing them that following your expectation was their idea<\/a>. To do this, you can present them with the negative consequences of <em>not <\/em>following your expectations, prompting them to choose to avoid those consequences.<br><br>Charvet\u2019s subjective standards align with Rubin\u2019s \u201cQuestioner\u201d tendency. Questioners set standards for themselves and challenge any external expectations placed on them. Both <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/three-types-of-people\/\">types of people<\/a> resist when others tell them what to do. However, unlike Rebels, Questioners will heed your advice if you <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-four-tendencies\/chapter-3#dealing-with-a-questioner\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">convince them logically that your expectations make sense.<\/a><br><br>Finally, Charvet\u2019s objective standards and Rubin\u2019s \u201cUpholder\u201d tendency are similar in that they prefer to do things the single \u201cright way.\u201d Upholders try to be the best they can be by meeting their own ambitious internal expectations as well as everyone\u2019s external expectations. Because they try to do everything \u201cperfectly,\u201d Upholders <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-four-tendencies\/chapter-2#dealing-with-an-upholder\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">sometimes struggle to prioritize the most important expectations<\/a>. When trying to convince an Upholder, take care to emphasize which of your requests matter the most and they\u2019ll fulfill those gladly.<br><br>As with Charvet\u2019s personal standards, Rubin explains that you can identify someone\u2019s tendency by asking them questions. She prefers more indirect questions than Charvet\u2014for example, she says that if you ask someone how they feel about New Year\u2019s Resolutions, <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-four-tendencies\/chapter-7#questions-for-a-quick-evaluation-of-tendency\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">their response and corresponding logic will reveal their tendency<\/a>.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What rules do you have for yourself? What expectations do you have for the people in your life? In Words That Change Minds, Shelle Rose Charvet&#8217;s Rule Structure describes the behavioral standards that someone expects themselves and others to meet. We&#8217;ll compare her Rule Structure with Gretchen Rubin&#8217;s Four Tendencies. Continue reading for an insightful discussion about personal standards.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":88106,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,9,12],"tags":[1267],"class_list":["post-113370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-ethics","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-words-that-change-minds","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Personal Standards: Rule Structure vs. The Four Tendencies - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Shelle Rose Charvet&#039;s Rule Structure describes the personal standards someone sets. 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