{"id":113362,"date":"2023-09-11T14:37:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-11T18:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=113362"},"modified":"2023-09-21T13:27:11","modified_gmt":"2023-09-21T17:27:11","slug":"self-preoccupied","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-preoccupied\/","title":{"rendered":"Self-Preoccupied vs. Interpersonally Aware: Spot the Difference"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>What&#8217;s the difference between self-preoccupied people and interpersonally aware people? How can you influence both types?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In <em>Words That Change Minds<\/em>, communication and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/persuasive-language-techniques\/\">influencing language<\/a> expert Shelle Rose Charvet explains the difference between these two wirings. She contends that, if you learn how someone thinks, you can consciously match their frame of reference and speak in a language they understand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to understand both self-preoccupation and interpersonal awareness and how to interact effectively with both types.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-self-preoccupied-vs-interpersonally-aware\">Self-Preoccupied vs. Interpersonally Aware<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Charvet uses the term \u201cAttention Direction\u201d to describe someone\u2019s sensitivity to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/nonverbal-cues\/\">nonverbal signals<\/a> when interacting with others. Some people are more <em>interpersonally aware<\/em> while others are more <em>self-preoccupied<\/em>. People who are interpersonally aware are constantly monitoring the emotions and thoughts of those around them, while self-preoccupied people are only aware of their own emotions and thoughts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Charvet contends that you can differentiate interpersonally aware and self-preoccupied people through their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a>: Interpersonally aware people will display animated movements and facial expressions, whereas self-preoccupied people will generally display a flat affect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Because your thoughts and emotions have such an impact on interpersonally aware people, send friendly nonverbal signals to make them more receptive to what you\u2019re trying to say. On the other hand, self-preoccupied people typically won\u2019t pick up on these signals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: When communicating with someone interpersonally aware, be careful: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-charisma-myth\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Charisma Myth<\/em><\/a>, Olivia Fox Cabane asserts that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-charisma-myth#step-1-master-your-mind\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">nonverbal signals are impossible to fake<\/a>. The human brain is so proficient at intuiting other people\u2019s true intentions that disingenuous attempts to act friendly will only make them feel uneasy. Thus, the best way to communicate with the interpersonally aware is to cultivate genuine feelings of goodwill toward them.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Self-Preoccupied People Are Often Misjudged<\/strong><br><br>Some argue that society suffers because self-preoccupied people are scarce and often overlooked. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/talking-to-strangers\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Talking to Strangers<\/em><\/a>, Malcolm Gladwell describes <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/talking-to-strangers\/part-3-2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">people who are \u201cmismatched\u201d<\/a>\u2014whose outward demeanor doesn\u2019t match their true <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/thoughts-feelings-and-behaviors\/\">thoughts and feelings<\/a>. Self-preoccupied people would fall into this category because they don\u2019t convey the animated movements and facial expressions that people expect to see.<br><br>Gladwell contends that, generally, people <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/talking-to-strangers\/part-3-1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">overestimate the degree to which humans are emotionally transparent<\/a>. Consequently, they imagine that they have a much more accurate understanding of the emotions and thoughts of those around them than they truly do.<br><br>When someone misjudges another person\u2019s internal world, yet has full confidence in their judgment, it can have devastating consequences. For example, Gladwell recounts <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/talking-to-strangers\/part-3-2#amanda-knox\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">the case of Amanda Knox<\/a>, who was convicted of murdering her roommate largely because other people judged her to be flippant and unsympathetic about the tragic death. However, she was innocent: She was convicted only because she was mismatched and likely self-preoccupied\u2014she was disturbed by the murder; she just didn\u2019t show it outwardly.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What&#8217;s the difference between self-preoccupied people and interpersonally aware people? How can you influence both types? In Words That Change Minds, communication and influencing language expert Shelle Rose Charvet explains the difference between these two wirings. She contends that, if you learn how someone thinks, you can consciously match their frame of reference and speak in a language they understand. Keep reading to understand both self-preoccupation and interpersonal awareness and how to interact effectively with both types.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":83567,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9],"tags":[1267],"class_list":["post-113362","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","tag-words-that-change-minds","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Self-Preoccupied vs. Interpersonally Aware: Spot the Difference - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Some people are more interpersonally aware while others are more self-preoccupied. 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