{"id":113286,"date":"2023-09-17T15:51:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-17T19:51:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=113286"},"modified":"2023-09-21T13:27:25","modified_gmt":"2023-09-21T17:27:25","slug":"self-validating","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/self-validating\/","title":{"rendered":"Are Self-Validating People Easier or Harder to Influence?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How do you decide what to do? How do you determine how well you do things?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You either <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/validate-yourself\/\">validate yourself<\/a> or look to get that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/stop-seeking-validation\/\">validation from others<\/a>. That&#8217;s true for everyone. Shelle Rose Charvet applies this knowledge to the workplace and provides guidance on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-persuade-people\/\">how to persuade<\/a> both self-validating people and people who are more validated by others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read more to learn about this difference in people and how to make the most of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-self-validating-or-validated-by-others\">Self-Validating or Validated by Others<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>What Charvet calls the \u201cSource\u201d category refers to <strong>how people decide what to do and how they assess if they\u2019re doing it well<\/strong>: They\u2019re either <em>self-validating <\/em>or <em>validated by others<\/em>. Self-validating people want to work only if they believe they\u2019re successfully doing something important. People who look to be validated by others like working only if someone like a boss or coworker tells them they\u2019re doing a good job at something important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Self-validating people make frequent judgments about their work and the work of others: For example, they might say, \u201cMy presentation at today\u2019s meeting went well. Although I was a little less organized than Justin, my visual aids got my point across well.\u201d In contrast, people validated by others defer to other people\u2019s opinions when judging someone\u2019s work: \u201cI think I had a good presentation today. Justin told me he was impressed, and I saw Michelle nodding a lot.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-courage-to-be-disliked\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Courage to Be Disliked<\/em><\/a>, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga argue that validating your own actions rather than deferring to the opinions of others is <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-key-to-happiness\/\">the key to happiness<\/a>. They claim that because <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-courage-to-be-disliked\/1-page-summary#unhappy-people-must-cope-with-an-impossible-goal\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">it\u2019s impossible to perfectly fulfill everyone\u2019s expectations of you<\/a>, the only way to attain the self-esteem you need to be happy is to <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-courage-to-be-disliked\/1-page-summary#happy-people-believe-we-all-help-others-by-simply-existing\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">decide for yourself that your actions have value<\/a>. For instance, if you frequently worry about what others will think before speaking up during meetings, you may want to instead make an effort to speak up whenever you have an idea that <em>you<\/em> think is valuable.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Charvet notes that, because they\u2019re so self-assured, persuading someone who is self-validating to change their mind can be a challenge. If you\u2019re trying to influence them, make sure to<strong> give suggestions rather than instructions. <\/strong>For instance, you could say, \u201cIf you want your message to be as clear as possible, you may want to cut each of your presentation slides down to a couple of bullet points.\u201d&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>People validated by others are much easier to influence\u2014just strongly assert what you believe to be true or cite the standards of others: \u201cYou should keep your slides more concise. Michelle always responds well to a focused presentation.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>Are Self-Validating People Really Harder to Persuade?<\/strong><br><br>In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/surrounded-by-idiots\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Surrounded by Idiots<\/em><\/a>, Thomas Erikson offers advice that contradicts Charvet\u2019s. When trying to influence confident, self-validating people (what he terms the \u201cRed\u201d personality type), he recommends <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/surrounded-by-idiots\/part-2#persuading-a-red-personality-type\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">directly arguing your case and remaining steadfast in your opinion<\/a>. Self-validating people will more readily respect your advice and consider its validity if they see you\u2019re willing to fight for it.<br><br>Additionally, he contends that people who typically defer to the opinions of others (the \u201cGreen\u201d type) are often <em>more<\/em> difficult to persuade if you\u2019re trying to convince them to do something differently since <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/surrounded-by-idiots\/part-2#persuading-a-green-personality-type\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">they\u2019re accustomed to gaining the approval of others by acting within an established status quo<\/a>. Thus, you\u2019ll often need to prepare a thorough logical argument to get them to change their behavior rather than assuming they\u2019ll do whatever you say. If Charvet\u2019s tactics aren\u2019t working, you may want to experiment with Erikson\u2019s instead.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How do you decide what to do? How do you determine how well you do things? You either validate yourself or look to get that validation from others. That&#8217;s true for everyone. Shelle Rose Charvet applies this knowledge to the workplace and provides guidance on how to persuade both self-validating people and people who are more validated by others. Read more to learn about this difference in people and how to make the most of it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":52766,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,14,9],"tags":[1267],"class_list":["post-113286","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-management","category-psychology","tag-words-that-change-minds","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are Self-Validating People Easier or Harder to Influence? - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"People are either self-validating or seek validation from others. 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