{"id":112322,"date":"2023-09-05T09:11:00","date_gmt":"2023-09-05T13:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=112322"},"modified":"2023-09-05T12:58:42","modified_gmt":"2023-09-05T16:58:42","slug":"emotional-negotiation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-negotiation\/","title":{"rendered":"The 3 Steps to Taking an Emotional Negotiation Approach"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why is empathy important in negotiations? How can you succeed at an emotional <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/different-approaches-to-negotiation\/\">negotiation approach<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Reading other people&#8217;s emotions is crucial for negotiations. When you know how another person is feeling, you can offer them what they want with an offer they can&#8217;t deny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn more about the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotions-in-negotiation-2\/\">emotional negotiation<\/a> approach.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-emotional-approach\"><strong>The Emotional Approach<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Never Split the Difference<\/em><\/a>, Chris Voss writes that<strong> <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\/1-page-summary#the-emotional-basis-of-negotiation\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>good negotiation happens on the <em>emotional <\/em>level of the brain, not the rational level<\/strong><\/a>. Your job as a negotiator, Voss argues, is to practice and display empathy toward your counterpart by understanding their emotions, learning to see the situation from their point of view\u2014and, ultimately, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\/1-page-summary#calculated-empathy-make-them-feel-safe\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">getting them to feel comfortable enough with you to let their emotional guard down<\/a>. When they\u2019ve reached this level of comfort with you, you\u2019re in a better position to get them to agree to <em>your <\/em>terms and conditions and meet <em>your <\/em>needs.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>According to Voss,<strong> most people have two basic emotional needs\u2014to feel secure and to feel in control.<\/strong> To help your counterpart meet these needs in an emotional negotiation, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\/1-page-summary#calculated-empathy-make-them-feel-safe\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Voss advocates using<strong> <\/strong>calculated empathy<\/a>\u2014understanding someone <em>else\u2019s <\/em>feelings to get what <em>you <\/em>want from them. This enables your counterpart to feel <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-safety\/\">emotionally safe<\/a> with you\u2014to see you more as a <em>partner <\/em>than an adversary.<strong> <\/strong>Calculated empathy techniques include:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Talking slowly and calmly to show that you\u2019re <em>concerned <\/em>about how the other person feels.<\/li><li>Using a light and encouraging voice to put your counterpart at ease.<\/li><li>Identifying, vocalizing, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/negative-labels\/\">labeling<\/a> your counterpart\u2019s emotions<strong> <\/strong>through phrases like, \u201cIt seems like you\u2019re disappointed by what\u2019s being offered.\u201d&nbsp;<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019ve used these techniques to get your counterpart to see you more as a partner (or even a friend) rather than an adversary, you\u2019ll be able to tap into their <em>real <\/em>desires and fears. And once you\u2019ve unlocked these, you\u2019ll have the upper hand.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-establish-an-emotional-connection-by-building-trust\">1. Establish an Emotional Connection by Building Trust<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Similarly, Deepak Malhotra and Max H. Bazerman (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/negotiation-genius\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Negotiation Genius<\/em><\/a>) write that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/negotiation-genius\/1-page-summary#gather-information-about-your-counterpart\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>building trust and establishing an emotional connection with your counterpart is key to a successful negotiation<\/strong><\/a>. They urge you to use vocabulary that your counterpart understands and consider spending time with them outside of the negotiation setting. This will make them more cooperative and open to sharing information with you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Likewise, Roger Fisher and William Ury (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/getting-to-yes\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Getting to Yes<\/em><\/a>) emphasize the need to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/getting-to-yes#key-skills-for-getting-to-yes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>build a positive relationship and person-to-person connection with the other side<\/strong><\/a>. Before negotiations begin, get to know the people on the other side personally. It\u2019s easier to negotiate with someone you know than with a stranger. Meet informally, learn each others\u2019 likes and dislikes, and take the time to chat when you run into people whom you might have to negotiate with.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-understand-cognitive-biases\">2. Understand Cognitive Biases<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Once you\u2019ve established an emotional connection with your counterpart by practicing strategic empathy and developing an interpersonal relationship, you can use that insight to <strong>take advantage of your counterpart\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/cognitive-heuristics\/\">cognitive biases<\/a>: <\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\/chapter-6#understand-cognitive-biases\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>mental errors in routine information processing that impact how we react to situations and form judgments<\/strong>.<\/a> Knowing your counterpart\u2019s emotional wants and needs will enable you to frame your proposals and counteroffers in a way that appeals to those wants and needs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Voss (<a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Never Split the Difference<\/em><\/a>) identifies some key cognitive biases that you can use to your advantage.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\/chapter-6#cognitive-bias-1-the-framing-effect\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>The framing effect<\/strong><\/a><strong>: People respond differently to identical choices based solely on how they\u2019re presented<\/strong>. For example, you\u2019re a hiring manager and you\u2019re trying to get a candidate to accept a job, but you don\u2019t want to exceed the salary posted on your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/job-role-vs-job-description\/\">job description<\/a>. And in the course of the negotiation, you\u2019ve picked up that this candidate has an emotional need for a healthy work\/life balance. Without budging on salary or changing anything substantive about the job, you can use the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/framing-effect-definition-examples\/\">framing effect<\/a> to <em>position <\/em>the job in a way that speaks to those needs and makes the job more appealing. You might do this by highlighting flexible working hours, generous vacation policies, and remote work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/never-split-the-difference\/chapter-6#cognitive-bias-2-loss-aversion\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Loss aversion<\/strong><\/a><strong>: People fear an equal loss more than they value an equal gain<\/strong>. Knowing this, you can put yourself in a strong negotiating position by framing your preferred solution as one that <em>prevents your counterpart from incurring a loss<\/em>. For example, if you\u2019re making an offer on a house that needs some work, you might say something like, \u201cThe house is great, but it definitely needs significant contracting work. Now, I\u2019m willing to waive inspection, but if we take too long, I might have to start looking for other deals.\u201d By making them fear missing out on the sale, you make them more likely to accept your offer than if you\u2019d framed it in purely positive terms.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-take-advantage-of-logical-biases\">3. Take Advantage of Logical Biases<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Knowing how to take advantage of your counterpart\u2019s irrationality can give you a powerful edge. In <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-thinking-clearly\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Art of Thinking Clearly<\/em><\/a>, Rolf Dobelli identifies a set of logical biases that, like Voss\u2019s cognitive biases, enable you to take advantage of your counterpart\u2019s emotional needs and desires by getting them to overlook what might be their rational self-interest.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-thinking-clearly#social-proof-and-authority-bias\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Social proof and authority bias<\/strong><\/a><strong>:<\/strong> <strong>To maintain your place in a group, you\u2019re pressured to copy other people\u2019s behavior, especially if that person is an authority<\/strong>. For example, if you\u2019re selling your house and you come to understand that status and prestige are powerful emotional needs for the buyer, you might emphasize that your neighborhood is home to a lot of wealthy, powerful, influential people who\u2019ve <em>also <\/em>decided that it\u2019s a great place to live.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-art-of-thinking-clearly#story-bias\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>Story bias<\/strong><\/a><strong>: People prefer entertaining narratives to boring facts<\/strong>. In a negotiation context, taking advantage of your counterpart\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/story-bias\/\">story bias<\/a> might mean shying away from reciting facts about how your offer is advantageous for your counterpart. Instead, you might tell a story about the kind of life they could lead or the kind of person they could be if they make a deal with you. For example, if you\u2019re selling your home to a first-time homebuyer, you might emphasize that buying the house is their entry to homeownership, generational wealth creation, and their first step toward realizing the American Dream.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why is empathy important in negotiations? How can you succeed at an emotional negotiation approach? Reading other people&#8217;s emotions is crucial for negotiations. When you know how another person is feeling, you can offer them what they want with an offer they can&#8217;t deny. Keep reading to learn more about the emotional negotiation approach.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":18199,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,34,103],"tags":[1256],"class_list":["post-112322","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-career","category-communication","category-sales","tag-the-master-guides-negotiation","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The 3 Steps to Taking an Emotional Negotiation Approach - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A good negotiation is built more on emotions than rationality. 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