{"id":110906,"date":"2023-08-13T15:46:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-13T19:46:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=110906"},"modified":"2025-09-15T11:16:22","modified_gmt":"2025-09-15T15:16:22","slug":"adhd-and-socializing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/adhd-and-socializing\/","title":{"rendered":"ADHD and Socializing: 3 Tips for Fostering Connections"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Why are social connections especially important for people with ADHD? What are some practical things that people can do to enjoy more connection?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Psychiatrist Edward Hallowell and professor of psychiatry John Ratey say that people with ADHD have a deep-seated need for interpersonal connection\u2014in other words, for love. They recommend that people with ADHD nurture close friendships, socialize with acquaintances, and perhaps get a pet for companionship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading to learn about ADHD and socializing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p><em>Editor\u2019s note: This article is part of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/hub\/society-culture\/psychology\/adhd-guide\/\">Shortform&#8217;s guide on ADHD<\/a>.\u00a0If you like what you read here, there\u2019s plenty more to check out in the guide!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-importance-of-connection\">The Importance of Connection<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The authors emphasize the importance of connection for several reasons. First, ADHD and socializing don&#8217;t necessarily go together naturally. People with ADHD often struggle in social situations, which makes it more important for them to nurture the connections they <em>do<\/em> have.<strong> <\/strong>They tend to miss or misunderstand social cues that come naturally to neurotypical people, and they also tend to impulsively interrupt conversations or blurt out inappropriate things. As a result, they find it difficult to fit in, and they may come across as rude or self-centered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: If you have ADHD, you may find that you struggle to maintain long-lasting bonds with your friends even if you\u2019re able to improve your ability to notice and respond to social cues. This is because people with ADHD often don\u2019t pick up on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.dailyeasternnews.com\/2021\/09\/27\/friendship-and-adhd-is-harder-than-you-think\/#:~:text=If%20you%20didn%E2%80%99t%20talk%20to%20someone%20at%20all%20for%20months%2C%20or%20even%20a%20year%2C%20would%20you%20still%20consider%20them%20your%20friend%3F%20The%20answer%20might%20be%20no.%20However%2C%20because%20of%20a%20distortion%20in%20my%20friendship%20degradation%20mechanics%20due%20to%20ADHD%2C%20I%20would%20still%20consider%20them%20a%20friend.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">friendship degradation<\/a>: when friends drift apart after not speaking to each other for a while. You might still feel just as close to your friends after not speaking to them for several months, or even several years. As a result, you may have tried to connect with someone you haven\u2019t talked to in a long time and been shocked to discover that they no longer considered you a friend.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Second, people with ADHD tend to carry a lot of trauma, which can lead to lifelong physical and mental health issues<\/strong>\u2014but deep interpersonal connections can undo a lot of that damage and help them live healthy, happy lives.<strong> <\/strong>This trauma comes from a lifetime of failed relationships (romantic and otherwise) and lost jobs, as well as shaming, insults, and punishments for not functioning well enough in a neurotypical-dominated world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: The authors stress the importance of connection in <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/healing-from-childhood-trauma\/\">healing from trauma<\/a>, but they don\u2019t explain <em>why <\/em>it helps so much. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-people-closest-to-you\/\">Close relationships<\/a> provide <a href=\"https:\/\/www.unitedfamilies.org\/family\/human-connections-and-healing-from-trauma\/#:~:text=of%20trauma%20victims.-,Connection%20Counts,-Trauma%20victims%20can\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">support and encouragement<\/a> that helps with healing from trauma as well as <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindfulsynergi.com\/is-connection-really-the-key-to-healing-trauma\/#:~:text=It%20helps%20reduce%20stress%2C%20builds%20resilience%20and%20reminds%20you%20that%20you%20matter.%20Always.%20No%20exceptions.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">reducing stress and improving self-image<\/a>. Connection with others can even help <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/emotional-wellbeing\/social-connectedness\/affect-health.htm\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression<\/a>. In this way, the benefits of connection directly counter many of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/peter-attia-trauma\/\">effects of trauma<\/a>.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-tips-for-fostering-connections\">Tips for Fostering Connections<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>People with ADHD need to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/eckhart-tolle-relationships-how-to-be-present\/\">connect with others<\/a>, yet they often struggle to do so. To help solve this problem, the authors offer several pieces of advice about how to nurture interpersonal connections.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#1: Nurture Close Friendships<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>First, a person with ADHD could <strong>choose two close friends and make a point of connecting with them at least once a week.<\/strong> For example, a weekly video chat or movie night could provide the sort of regular human contact that they need to thrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: The authors assume that readers already have some close friends to connect with, but that may not be the case. For example, one study showed that in 2004, the average American had <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/lost-connections\/part-2-chapter-3#modern-humans-are-less-connected-than-ever\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">zero close friends<\/a>. In fact, it\u2019s <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">notoriously hard for adults to make friends<\/a>, and even harder for adults with ADHD. One reliable way for adults to make new friends is to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult#:~:text=3.,that%20interests%20you\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">join a group that interests them<\/a>, where they\u2019ll naturally meet other people who share that interest and interact with them regularly. However, making new friends may also require a certain amount of boldness\u2014to make friends they wouldn\u2019t make otherwise, people may have to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult#:~:text=Why%20it%27s%20hard,Say%20yes\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">accept invitations they\u2019d normally turn down<\/a> or try <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindbodygreen.com\/articles\/how-to-make-friends-as-an-adult#:~:text=7.,afraid%20to%20initiate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">making the first move<\/a> to start a new friendship.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#2: Socialize With Acquaintances<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Second, they could <strong>talk to people they know but don\u2019t consider good friends,<\/strong> such as coworkers or the bartender at their favorite bar. While this isn\u2019t as powerful as having deep connections with close friends, a strong network of acquaintances does help them feel seen and appreciated by their local community, increasing their <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/sense-of-connectedness\/\">sense of connection<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: The importance of acquaintances is a fairly new discovery. Casual acquaintances weren\u2019t seriously considered in mental health research until 2014 when <a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1177\/0146167214529799\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">a series of studies<\/a> showed the impact they could have on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/us\/blog\/the-squeaky-wheel\/201405\/why-we-need-all-the-acquaintances-we-can-get#:~:text=They%20found%20that%20people%20with%20a%20greater%20number%20of%20casual%20acquaintances%20tended%20to%20be%20happier%2C%20and%20that%20the%20more%20interactions%20they%20had%20with%20those%20acquaintances%2C%20the%20happier%20they%20were.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">people\u2019s happiness<\/a>. In short, the more acquaintances you have\u2014and the more frequently you interact with them\u2014the happier you\u2019ll be. This holds true regardless of whether or not you have ADHD.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">#3: Get a Pet<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, <strong>a person with ADHD could consider getting a pet. <\/strong>A friendly animal is a guaranteed source of love and comfort. Therefore, pets can be helpful for someone who needs more connection in their life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Research supports the authors\u2019 idea that pets are a good source of connection and love and therefore <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC7698559\/#:~:text=The%20most%20representative%20results%20of,of%20love%2C%20joy%20and%20peace.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">improve their owners\u2019 mental health<\/a>. Another potential benefit of owning a pet is having more opportunities to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.cdc.gov\/healthypets\/keeping-pets-and-people-healthy\/how.html#:~:text=They%20can%20increase%20opportunities%20to%20exercise%2C%20get%20outside%2C%20and%20socialize.\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">get outside and exercise<\/a>\u2014going on walks and playing with pets can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and help you lose weight. Exercise is particularly helpful for people with ADHD.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Exercise: Make Plans With Friends<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Choose two of your close friends and write down some ideas for how you could see or speak to them at least once a week. Come up with at least one idea for each friend. For instance, you might have a weekly phone call with one of them and meet the other at the bar on Friday after work. Alternatively, write down two ways you could make some <em>new <\/em>friends, such as joining a local club. (Remember: Strong connections with other people are crucial for your mental, emotional, and physical health.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Why are social connections especially important for people with ADHD? What are some practical things that people can do to enjoy more connection? Psychiatrist Edward Hallowell and professor of psychiatry John Ratey say that people with ADHD have a deep-seated need for interpersonal connection\u2014in other words, for love. They recommend that people with ADHD nurture close friendships, socialize with acquaintances, and perhaps get a pet for companionship. Continue reading to learn about ADHD and socializing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":31987,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,12,43],"tags":[1130],"class_list":["post-110906","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-adhd-2-0","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>ADHD and Socializing: 3 Tips for Fostering Connections - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"People with ADHD need to connect with others, but it&#039;s often a struggle. 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