Do you have a thinking partner? How does a thinking partnership work?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In her book Time to Think<\/em>, Nancy Kline presents a step-by-step process for taking on the role of the listener to help someone else engage in higher-quality thinking. The exciting result is the generation and sharing of great ideas that lead to powerful action.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Keep reading to learn how to create a thinking partnership by using Kline’s six-step thinking session<\/a> format.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n The first step in the thinking session process is to give the thinker the opportunity to say everything that\u2019s on their mind.<\/strong> Kline explains that your job in the thinking partnership is to be the listener\u2014paying attention as the thinker spells out everything about the topic they\u2019re pondering.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a listener, begin by asking them what they think about the issue. Then, after they tell you what they think, ask them what else<\/em> they think about it. Continue asking this until the thinker is certain they\u2019ve said everything they want to say, then double-check this by asking \u201cAre you sure?\u201d before moving on to the next step.<\/p>\n\n\n\n According to Kline, the reason listening works so well for producing high-quality thinking in others is that, when someone identifies a problem, the solution is usually buried somewhere in their mind<\/strong>. The purpose of discussing an issue with someone to help them solve it isn\u2019t to give them your ideas or decide what you<\/em> should do for them<\/em>. It\u2019s to provide an environment that prompts them to uncover the solution themselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Because of this, Step 1 may be all that\u2019s necessary in a thinking session. Steps 2 through 6 are only needed if the thinker doesn\u2019t come across the solution during Step 1.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Throughout the thinking session\u2014but particularly during Step 1\u2014your attention to the thinker is paramount, explains Kline. Your role is to give the thinker time and space in which to think, so you should listen quietly for the entirety of Step 1.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Unfortunately, most of us were brought up to believe that good listening involves paraphrasing what the other person said and adding our own thoughts as often as possible. Kline argues that these behaviors limit the other person\u2019s thinking. She adds that paraphrasing the other person\u2019s words doesn\u2019t actually indicate that you were listening well\u2014in fact, it shows you weren\u2019t<\/em> listening well enough to remember exactly what they said. According to Kline, the thinker\u2019s wording and phrasing are the best: those exact words are the ones that are the most meaningful to the thinker and the most compatible with how their brain works because they\u2019re infused with the thinker\u2019s background, knowledge, and experience.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Interrupting the speaker to finish their sentence is also a bad idea<\/strong>, according to Kline. This behavior shows the thinker that you think your words are just as good or better at conveying what they think, and it also shows impatience, which stifles good thinking. Because thinking requires time, there may be long stretches of time where the thinker is silent, but this still doesn\u2019t mean you should interject your thoughts or try to prompt the thinker to continue. They\u2019re using that time to process, and once they\u2019re ready to continue, they\u2019ll do so with greater understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kline also asserts that you should maintain eye contact with the thinker the entire time they\u2019re talking<\/strong>. The thinker\u2019s eyes may wander, but yours must stay on theirs, and your expression should remain one of polite interest. Kline does note that there are some cultures where eye contact is seen as disrespectful, so you should adapt her system to fit your culture and the culture of those participating in the conversation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Additionally, don\u2019t try to avoid or quash the thinker\u2019s feelings as they talk<\/strong>. While society has taught us that thinking and feeling are mutually incompatible, explains Kline, the reverse is actually true: Stifling emotions stifles thinking. In particular, crying is a natural physiological release that calms the mind and body and relieves pain. Allow the thinker to feel and express their emotions however they need so they can pursue their thoughts freely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you reach the end of the first step, the thinker has said absolutely everything they want to say, and they haven\u2019t uncovered the solution to their problem, you can move on to Step 2.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The second step in the thinking session process is to have the thinker identify what they want to accomplish during the remainder of the session<\/strong>. Encourage the thinker to state their goal clearly and succinctly, then memorize their goal in the same exact words. This will help you stay close to their original thinking as you proceed through the next steps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This step is encouraging to the thinker: After exhausting their pool of ideas during Step 1, it can feel like there\u2019s no chance of arriving at a solution and they should just give up. Setting a goal reminds them that there\u2019s still plenty to be done before they throw in the towel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Kline explains that they may need to think about their session goal for several minutes, during which you should wait patiently. They\u2019re using this time to organize their thoughts and make a plan for the rest of the session.<\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: While setting goals will take some time, try not to get stuck on this step, as it can cause the thinker to fixate on their current state<\/a> of not having achieved the goal. Feeling like there\u2019s still a lot of work to do can actually be dis<\/em>couraging if they\u2019ve already spent a lot of time thinking about this issue, so this may be a good time to remind them that you\u2019re there to help them get to a solution. This makes it especially important to come up with a succinct goal so the speaker doesn\u2019t feel like they have a huge, elaborate goal to reach.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n The third step in the thinking session process is to identify the roadblocks that are currently preventing the thinker from achieving their goal<\/strong>. Kline explains that these roadblocks take the form of limiting assumptions<\/em>, or beliefs that the thinker holds that curtail their ability to identify or implement the best course of action. There are three types of limiting assumptions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n To identify the thinker\u2019s main limiting assumption, take the goal they expressed in Step 2 and ask them what they\u2019re assuming that prevents them from achieving this goal<\/strong>. Once they pin down their assumption, memorize it word for word.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Again, your job as the listener is not to identify the assumption for the thinker, but to provide the setting for them to uncover it themselves, explains Kline. You may feel like you know what their limiting assumption is, and that therefore you know what the solution to their problem is. However, if you misidentify their assumption, there\u2019s a high likelihood that you\u2019ll offer them a solution that clashes with their actual limiting assumption, making your solution seem useless and discouraging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once the thinker has identified their goal and their main limiting assumption, you can move on to Step 4.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The fourth step in the thinking session process is to ask the thinker an <\/strong>incisive question<\/a><\/em><\/strong> that challenges their limiting assumption<\/strong>. According to Kline, this is a very specific question that\u2019s based on the statements they\u2019ve made about their goal and assumption (which is why it\u2019s so important to memorize those). This question replaces the thinker\u2019s limiting assumption with an assumption that frees their thinking, and as with the other aspects of the thinking process, it needs to be identified by the thinker. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To help the thinker identify their liberating assumption, ask them what the converse of their limiting assumption is.<\/strong> Do not<\/em> try to identify this for them. Again, the thinker chooses their specific words for a reason, because those words are more meaningful to them than any other phrasing would be. Always use the thinker\u2019s words rather than your own.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, if the thinker wants to pursue a career change but they\u2019re afraid to try, and their limiting assumption is \u201cIt\u2019s not okay to fail,\u201d your first thought might be that the liberating assumption would be \u201cIt\u2019s okay to fail.\u201d But if you ask the thinker what the converse of \u201cIt\u2019s not okay to fail\u201d is, they might instead say \u201cFailing helps you grow.\u201d So then, using their words, incorporate that converse assumption directly into your incisive question: \u201cIf you knew that failing helps you grow<\/em>, how would you go about changing your career<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Note that simply saying \u201cThat\u2019s not true\u201d won\u2019t dispel a limiting assumption.<\/strong> To you as an outsider, the core assumption \u201cMy spouse might leave me if I am honest with them\u201d may seem absurd, but, to the thinker, it\u2019s a very real threat. It\u2019s important that you take it seriously and not dismiss their feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you\u2019ve identified the assumption, work with the thinker to create an incisive question<\/em>. Use the following formula: \u201cIf you knew,\u201d plus [the liberating assumption] (which we\u2019ll discuss shortly), plus \u201chow would you [go about reaching your goal]?\u201d<\/strong> Then ask the thinker the question and listen to their response, says Kline. As with Step 1, you should pay close attention and not interrupt, even when the thinker is quiet for a long time. After they answer the question, ask it again. Allow them to answer, and then ask yet again. While the question remains the same, the thinker will continue to generate new ideas<\/a> on each occasion. Continue to ask the question until the thinker is certain they\u2019ve answered it fully. When they\u2019re out of ideas, you can move on to Step 5.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The fifth step of the thinking session process is simple: Have the thinker write down the incisive question they\u2019ve identified, verbatim<\/strong>. You might find that they struggle to remember it precisely, so make sure you help them get it exactly right. Even though you\u2019ve asked them the question several times already, it\u2019s easy to forget once they leave the session, so they need to write it down so they can refer back to it as they continue working on their issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The sixth step in the thinking session process is to express appreciation so that both the thinker and the listener leave the session feeling positive about themselves and what happened<\/strong>. This appreciation shouldn\u2019t focus on what you talked about in the session\u2014meaning, the listener shouldn\u2019t say \u201cYou did a great job generating ideas\u201d\u2014but should instead be a statement about what you respect about the other person, such as \u201cI admire your teamwork skills\u201d or \u201cI appreciate your attention to detail<\/a>.\u201d Then when you receive appreciation from the thinker, don\u2019t resist or argue with it. Simply say \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you do this, at the end of the session, the thinker will leave feeling empowered about their problem and with many new ideas and possible solutions, and the listener will feel satisfied and encouraged about the work they did (and they\u2019re also likely to have learned a lot along the way).<\/p>\n\n\n\n (Shortform note: Showing appreciation can be difficult<\/a>, particularly in the workplace, because most of us do it so rarely that we haven\u2019t built up the skills to do it well. However, research shows that it improves the mood<\/a> of the person receiving the appreciation, as well as having physical and mental health benefits for the person giving the appreciation. Expressing appreciation<\/a> for others also helps build trust, rapport, and a good reputation.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n While Kline\u2019s thinking session process is designed for pairs or groups, you may find yourself in a situation where you need to think through something without help from others. Try adapting Kline\u2019s process to use as an individual.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Do you have a thinking partner? How does a thinking partnership work? In her book Time to Think, Nancy Kline presents a step-by-step process for taking on the role of the listener to help someone else engage in higher-quality thinking. The exciting result is the generation and sharing of great ideas that lead to powerful action. Keep reading to learn how to create a thinking partnership by using Kline’s six-step thinking session format.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":18200,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,15,14],"tags":[1129],"class_list":["post-110740","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-education","category-management","tag-time-to-think","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nStep 1: Listen Attentively for as Long as the Thinker Needs<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
The Importance of Attention<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Show Attention Through Eye Contact and Facial Expressions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Let the Thinker Feel<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Step 2: Set a Goal for the Thinking Session<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Step 3: Identify Assumptions That Limit Thinking<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Step 4: Ask an Incisive Question \u2026 and Then Keep Asking<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Step 5: Write Down the Incisive Question<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Step 6: Appreciate Each Other<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Exercise: Be Your Own Thinking Partner<\/h3>\n\n\n\n