{"id":110098,"date":"2023-08-06T15:13:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-06T19:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=110098"},"modified":"2023-08-10T15:35:12","modified_gmt":"2023-08-10T19:35:12","slug":"conscious-and-unconscious-mind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/conscious-and-unconscious-mind\/","title":{"rendered":"Embrace the Conscious & Unconscious Mind to Become Whole"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What’s the difference between the conscious and unconscious mind<\/a>? Can they be united?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Your conscious mind comprises the feelings, thoughts, and memories that you’re aware of. Your unconscious mind is everything that you’re currently unaware of. Existential Kink<\/em> by Carolyn Elliott says that, to become a whole being, you need to unite both the conscious and unconscious mind<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn how to be in touch with your whole self and take control of your life<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Uniting the Conscious and Unconscious<\/strong> Mind<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Elliott bases many of her ideas of the conscious and unconscious mind on the work of Carl Jung, who established the idea that our conscious minds, or our egos, comprise only a tiny fraction of who we actually are. The rest of our selves exist in the unconscious. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Jung\u2019s theories have faced considerable criticism<\/a> due to their lack of empirical evidence making it impossible to prove his ideas wrong. Elliott\u2019s ideas are similarly theoretical and are founded largely in her personal experiences and observations.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our conscious minds make choices based on polarities (such as light and dark, wealth and poverty, strength and weakness), and specifically, based on the side of each polarity that aligns with our identities. For example, we collectively view strength as a good thing and weakness as a bad thing, so we\u2019re encouraged to seek to be and identify as strong. This leads us to consciously make decisions that we think make us feel or look stronger and avoid decisions that make us feel or look weak. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, our world is made up of polar opposites: Both the good and the bad sides of anything or issue exist, like wealth and poverty, life and death, courage and fear, and so on. So by identifying with only one side and alienating ourselves from the other (for example, by seeking happiness<\/a> and spurning sadness, or valuing control and devaluing helplessness) we divide our whole self, repressing the aspects of ourselves that we view as negative and shameful but which our unconscious is deeply curious about. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Sigmund Freud went so far as to suggest that humans have a death drive<\/em><\/a>, or an inherent desire to return to a state of nonexistence, which would seem to conflict with the idea that we evolved to seek survival. This death drive may be responsible for things like self-destructive behaviors<\/a> or l\u2019appel du vide<\/em><\/a> (literally, \u201cthe call of the void\u201d), a phenomenon wherein we have sudden thoughts of doing things like jumping from a deadly height for no apparent reason.)This repression leads us to exist in a divided state, seeking only the \u201cpositive\u201d and trying to avoid the \u201cnegative\u201d even though we secretly want to experience the negative, too. But the unconscious subtly attracts what it wants, and thus we attract things we\u2019re not willing to admit we want (such as poverty, weakness, or sadness). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because these desires to experience the negative won\u2019t go away until we satisfy them, and we can\u2019t satisfy a desire we won\u2019t acknowledge, this unwillingness undermines our ability to attract the positive things we are<\/em> willing to admit we want (or at least, that we know we\u2019re supposed to want). This is how we end up watching negative patterns continue to play out in our lives.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While it may seem absurd that anyone would want to only be in relationships with controlling partners or constantly struggle to pay the bills, Elliott explains that, on an existential level, we desire wholeness, not division, and the positives in these situations\u2014being in relationships with good partners or having no trouble paying the bills\u2014is only one half of the whole. To become whole beings, we need to exist and revel in our repressed desires and take pleasure in them so we can satisfy them<\/strong>. This will ultimately loosen their hold on us so that we no longer desire the things that make our lives worse. Practicing existential kink is about embracing both sides of these polarities, becoming whole, and taking control of your fate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While Elliott suggests that satisfying your desires will make them less powerful or eliminate them entirely, other experts suggest that it\u2019s not possible to fully satisfy all our desires because, once fulfilled, those desires are immediately replaced<\/a> with new ones. In fact, neuroscientific research indicates that fulfilling our desires doesn\u2019t actually make us happy<\/a> and that we have an instinctual need to seek<\/em>, one that isn\u2019t satisfied even when we find what we think we\u2019re seeking. However, the research also suggests that the act of seeking happiness itself is fulfilling, so part of becoming whole in the way Elliott describes may have more to do with reveling in the desire itself rather than aiming to satisfy the desire.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Universal Desires and Their Polar Opposites<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Some experts have theorized that there are 16 universal desires<\/a> that motivate all human behavior, including the desire for things like power, acceptance, status, and tranquility<\/a>. These would represent our conscious desires, but applying Elliott\u2019s theory, we\u2019re also motivated by the polar opposite of each of these desires, so examining these opposites during your own self-work may help you identify your unconscious desires<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if you think you want status but find yourself unable to make a mark in your field or gain any notoriety, you should consider that your unconscious desire might be for obscurity. Using some of the 16 universal desires, here are some possible complementary repressed opposites you could be on the lookout for:<\/p>\n\n\n\n