{"id":110095,"date":"2023-08-05T15:22:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-05T19:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=110095"},"modified":"2023-08-10T17:39:49","modified_gmt":"2023-08-10T21:39:49","slug":"unconscious-desires","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/unconscious-desires\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Handle Unconscious Desires by Practicing Existential Kink"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Why do unconscious desires create negative patterns? What’s an existential kink?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Existential Kink<\/em> by Carolyn Elliott, people tend to repress desires that they’re ashamed of. But, repressing desires doesn’t get rid of them; they just turn into negative habits. Ironically, the only way to destroy these habits is to fully embrace the desires behind them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading to learn how unconscious desires manifest and to find the number one solution to dissolving them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

What Is Existential Kink?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

According to Elliott, the term existential kink can refer to both an attitude about life in general and a specific meditative practice<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The premise of existential kink is that the negative patterns\u2014of feelings, behaviors, and so on\u2014we see recurring in our lives are the manifestations of our unconscious desires<\/strong>. As humans, we have an instinctual drive to experience everything\u2014both good and bad\u2014but we repress our desires for bad things because we\u2019re ashamed of them. For example, we might consciously believe we desire financial independence<\/a>, but unconsciously we delight in the feeling of being dependent on others, so we don\u2019t take the necessary steps to gain financial security.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Repression is the act of unconsciously blocking unpleasant thoughts or desires<\/a> from our minds as a defense mechanism in order to relieve negative emotions associated with those thoughts or desires. However, there\u2019s a similar defense mechanism called suppression<\/em>, which is a conscious<\/em> blocking of unpleasant thoughts or desires in an effort to forget them. Both of these mechanisms push thoughts into your unconscious so your conscious mind doesn\u2019t have to deal with them.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to Elliott, this repression doesn\u2019t eliminate these negative feelings and desires. It merely makes us unaware of them. They continue to impact our lives by creating destructive patterns, which we tend to attribute to the cruelty of other people or the universe. The only way to eliminate our negative patterns is to acknowledge, embrace, and take conscious pleasure in them until they\u2019re no longer interesting and lose their ability to manifest themselves in our lives<\/strong>\u2014this is what it means to practice existential kink. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Elliott\u2019s method for overcoming problems differs strongly from many traditional spiritual approaches, such as the Christian ideology that all humans are considered sinners<\/a> from birth and that the only way to atone is by embracing Jesus<\/a>. This kind of approach emphasizes avoiding negative patterns and behaviors and punishing ourselves or others for engaging in them, as opposed to embracing and reveling in such patterns.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Universal Desires and Their Polar Opposites<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Some experts have theorized that there are 16 universal desires<\/a> that motivate all human behavior, including the desire for things like power, acceptance, status, and tranquility<\/a>. These would represent our conscious desires, but applying Elliott\u2019s theory, we\u2019re also motivated by the polar opposite of each of these desires, so examining these opposites during your own self-work may help you identify your unconscious desires. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, if you think you want status but find yourself unable to make a mark in your field or gain any notoriety, you should consider that your unconscious desire might be for obscurity. Using some of the 16 universal desires, here are some possible complementary repressed opposites you could be on the lookout for:<\/p>\n\n\n\n