{"id":109481,"date":"2023-07-29T21:21:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-30T01:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=109481"},"modified":"2023-08-02T10:36:27","modified_gmt":"2023-08-02T14:36:27","slug":"shy-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/shy-child\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Support a Shy Child: It&#8217;s Not About Confidence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Do you have a child who&#8217;s hesitant in social situations? What&#8217;s the best way to encourage them?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In her book <em>Good Inside<\/em>, clinical psychologist and parent Dr. Becky Kennedy contends that hesitancy in a child isn&#8217;t about confidence. In fact, she argues, a shy child knows who they are and what makes them comfortable or uncomfortable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep reading to learn how social hesitancy is more about comfort than confidence and how this understanding can help you provide a shy child with the kind of support they need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-supporting-a-shy-child\">Supporting a Shy Child<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When kids are shy or hesitant to join in an activity or group, parents often worry that they\u2019re underconfident. But, Kennedy believes that confidence is about being sure of what you feel and what does or doesn\u2019t feel good. A shy child\u2014one who takes their time before joining a group or activity\u2014is giving themself time to build trust in the group and situation. This shows that they&#8217;re confident about who they are and what feels good and safe for them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Kennedy believes that hesitancy can be an important life skill as your child grows into a teenager and adult who will face unsafe situations. Refrain from calling your child shy, for example, because children will identify with the labels we assign them. Instead, describe how they&#8217;re taking their time to feel comfortable. Tell your child that they&#8217;ll know when they&#8217;re ready to jump in and that there\u2019s no rush. This demonstrates that you trust them and that they can trust themself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Other experts agree that hesitancy isn\u2019t about being afraid, but there may be more to it than Kennedy implies. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/quiet-the-power-of-introverts\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Quiet: The Power of Introverts<\/em><\/a><em>, <\/em>Susan Cain explains that introverted children are naturally cautious in new situations. This <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/quiet-the-power-of-introverts\/chapter-6#survival-traits\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">sensitivity may have survived evolution because it\u2019s associated with other survival-enhancing attributes<\/a>, such as observing carefully, looking before leaping, and processing information thoroughly. To <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/quiet-the-power-of-introverts\/chapter-11#additional-tips-for-parents\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">help your hesitant child develop confidence<\/a>, Cain suggests teaching them how to find a comfortable role in a group, helping them practice speaking up, and role-playing how to behave in various situations.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you have a child who&#8217;s hesitant in social situations? What&#8217;s the best way to encourage them? In her book Good Inside, clinical psychologist and parent Dr. Becky Kennedy contends that hesitancy in a child isn&#8217;t about confidence. In fact, she argues, a shy child knows who they are and what makes them comfortable or uncomfortable. Keep reading to learn how social hesitancy is more about comfort than confidence and how this understanding can help you provide a shy child with the kind of support they need.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":109490,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,9],"tags":[1114],"class_list":["post-109481","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-psychology","tag-good-inside","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Support a Shy Child: It&#039;s Not About Confidence - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. Becky Kennedy contends that hesitancy in a child isn&#039;t a matter of confidence. 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