{"id":109464,"date":"2023-07-31T17:54:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-31T21:54:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=109464"},"modified":"2023-08-02T10:36:30","modified_gmt":"2023-08-02T14:36:30","slug":"parenting-siblings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/parenting-siblings\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Siblings: 3 Tools to Help Them Manage Their Emotions"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Should you allow your children to complain about each other? How can you minimize sibling rivalry among your kids? When should you intervene in their fights?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist. She’s also a mother of three, so she knows all about sibling dynamics and the special challenges they can bring. In Good Inside<\/em>, Dr. Becky shares three tools you can use to help your children navigate the emotions involved in sibling relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading for Kennedy’s advice for parenting siblings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Parenting Siblings<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sibling relationships can be challenging for children and elicit unwanted behavior, such as fighting or whining. Kennedy argues this is because siblings can feel threatening to a child\u2019s attachment needs since they can see your attention going to someone else. The difference in abilities and in the parental involvement other siblings require can also be frustrating to children. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kennedy suggests using the following tools when parenting siblings: 1) empathy, 2) confidence-building, and 3) a combination of validation and boundaries. She believes that these will help your children manage the emotions that sibling relationships generate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tool #1: Empathy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Give your children the opportunity to complain about their siblings to you\u2014just not in the presence of the aggrieving sibling. Kennedy says that this will give them an outlet for their emotions without harming the relationship between them. Don\u2019t let the complaining turn into name-calling, as this is dangerous and destructive. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: Sometimes, a child simply needs more time and attention, and it can cause her siblings to feel invisible. For example, siblings of children with medical needs can become \u201cglass children\u201d when their parents become overwhelmed with the needs of the other child and \u201csee through\u201d the other children<\/a>. To avoid this, experts recommend sharing a journal with her and connecting her with other young people in similar situations to help her see she\u2019s not alone. These can be safe spaces for her to vent safely and feel that others empathize with her situation.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tool #2: Confidence-Building<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Explain that you\u2019ll give each child what they need, not give them each the same thing. Kennedy argues that this will help avoid comparisons in the short term and, in the long run, it will help your children define their wants and needs for themselves, not in reference to other people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The way you allocate resources to each child can certainly trigger unhelpful comparisons, but there are other ways that parents encourage this problem. Often, parents actively compare their children, or label them as \u201cthe most\/least\u201d of some trait, which can encourage competition and passive-aggressiveness<\/a> and undermine confidence.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tool #3: Validation & Boundaries<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

When an argument is brewing, Kennedy says you should be an objective narrator. Describe what you\u2019re seeing and how each must be feeling, and pose questions to prompt them to problem solve without you. If a situation turns physically or verbally aggressive, step in decisively: Announce that you won\u2019t let them hurt each other, then separate them. Decide which sibling needs you most urgently and tell the other sibling that you\u2019ll be with them soon and that you know they need you, too. Then help each one regulate their emotions using the strategies for tantrums.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: When you act as an objective narrator, you can treat sibling arguments as opportunities to coach your kids in the kinds of social skills that the authors of The Whole-Brain Child<\/em><\/a> say you must teach your children<\/a>. For example, you can help your kids practice seeing another person\u2019s perspective<\/em> by asking questions about how their sibling may have reacted in a certain way. Similarly, if the disagreement went so far that you had to separate your children, you might teach them the value of making amends<\/em> after an argument rather than just apologizing.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Should you allow your children to complain about each other? How can you minimize sibling rivalry among your kids? When should you intervene in their fights? Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist. She’s also a mother of three, so she knows all about sibling dynamics and the special challenges they can bring. In Good Inside, Dr. Becky shares three tools you can use to help your children navigate the emotions involved in sibling relationships. Keep reading for Kennedy’s advice for parenting siblings.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":11599,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13,9],"tags":[1114],"class_list":["post-109464","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting","category-psychology","tag-good-inside","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nParenting Siblings: 3 Tools to Help Them Manage Their Emotions - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. Becky Kennedy shares three tools for parenting siblings. 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