{"id":108872,"date":"2023-07-25T15:21:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-25T19:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=108872"},"modified":"2023-07-28T09:28:51","modified_gmt":"2023-07-28T13:28:51","slug":"talking-about-problems","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/talking-about-problems\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk About Your Problems: 4 Steps for Opening Up"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you have an issue that needs to be resolved? How should you prepare to talk about problems?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether the problem is with yourself or others, preparing for the discussion is a great way to get organized. No matter who you’re talking to, Fierce Conversations<\/em> by Susan Scott says you should clarify all the important details so you can contextualize and clearly explain the topic to others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are easy steps for talking about problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

Step #1: Define the Issue and Its Importance<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

First, concisely describe the issue and why it\u2019s important\u2014what\u2019s happening, when it started, what the impact is, how severe the issue is, and what could happen if it continues<\/strong>. For example \u201cemployee satisfaction has decreased by 20% in the last year. This has the potential to decrease our company output and indicates there are issues within our organization. If this continues, we could lose business.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When talking about problems involving interpersonal relationships, like your friend\u2019s mental health, you\u2019ll want to include additional personal details like the impact the issue is having on relationships and emotions (yours and\/or theirs) and any role you might have played in creating or perpetuating the issue. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uncover the Type of Issue You\u2019re Facing<\/strong>

The authors of Crucial Accountability<\/em><\/a> <\/em>recommend going through a similar process to define key issues. However, they add further detail to help you more specifically define the issue and its importance, which may help you perform the following steps in this guide more effectively.

First, the authors explain that you must categorize the issue (or determine what\u2019s happening) by considering not only when it started, as Scott recommends, but how many times it\u2019s occurred<\/em><\/a>.<\/em> If the situation happened once, the issue is probably someone\u2019s behavior<\/em>. If it\u2019s occurred more than once, the issue is likely a problematic pattern<\/em>. If it\u2019s an issue that persists after you\u2019ve previously addressed it, you\u2019re probably experiencing a relationship issue<\/em>.

Further, you must identify what\u2019s bothering you the most<\/a>\u2014are the consequences<\/em> of the issue inconveniencing you or others, or are you upset by what you think the other person\u2019s intent<\/em> was?

Finally, the authors recommend using this insight to determine what could happen if the issue continues\u2014especially the impact on your well-being and relationship with the other person. However, they recommend doing so not just so you can explain it during the discussion, as Scott does, but so you can preemptively decide if the issue is worth addressing<\/a> in the first place. For example, if the issue was a one-time occurrence that won\u2019t impact you again, you probably don\u2019t need to discuss it. Or, if the issue occurred with someone you\u2019ll never see again, having a conversation with them probably isn\u2019t worth it.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Step #2: Identify What You Want to Happen<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Next, Scott says to record what your ideal situation will be when the issue is solved<\/strong>\u2014this will narrow down your goal. For example, \u201cI want to create a company culture<\/a> where employees enjoy their job, are productive, and feel supported by management. This will increase the company\u2019s overall productivity, and revenue, and give us an edge over competitors.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The authors of Crucial Accountability<\/em><\/a> reiterate the importance of identifying your ideal outcome. However, they suggest also defining what you don\u2019t<\/em> want to happen<\/a>. For example, \u201cI want a company culture where employees enjoy their job, but I don\u2019t<\/em> want the workplace to lack discipline.\u201d Further, the authors recommend completing this task during your assessment of the issue because it may help you narrow down the key issue. For example, listing your dos<\/em> and don\u2019ts <\/em>might help you realize that the key issue with your company is that you struggle to find a healthy balance between support and discipline.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step #3: Identify What Has<\/em> Been<\/em> Done and What Can Be<\/em> Done<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Scott’s recommendations for following this guideline differ depending on whether your topic is being discussed with a large group in a corporate setting (like the issue of employee satisfaction), or with a more intimate group (like the issue of your friend\u2019s mental health.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In larger corporate settings, list relevant information pertaining to the topic, any attempts that have been made to solve the issue, and any solutions you\u2019re currently considering.<\/strong> For example, \u201cSatisfaction began decreasing in October of last year. We also removed certain employee amenities around this time like free breakfast, reduced-cost childcare, and unlimited PTO<\/a>. Reintroducing reduced-cost childcare two months ago increased satisfaction rates by 5%. I\u2019m currently considering reinstating other amenities we previously removed.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The process Scott lays out is what many experts refer to as contextualizing<\/em> a meeting<\/a>. They add that during this process, you should not only identify the circumstances<\/em> of the issue, as Scott recommends, but also the time, place, background, and environment in which the circumstances took place. This will ensure you and the attendees have the full picture.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, identify what role you want the group to play in the discussion. For example, you might want them to help propose new ideas, provide you with additional information, give you feedback on your ideas, and so on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: An important step in identifying the group\u2019s role is figuring out which type of meeting you\u2019re conducting<\/a>. There are three main meeting types\u2014meetings to share information, to seek input for a decision, or to make a decision<\/a>. The group\u2019s role will vary depending on the meeting\u2019s purpose.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In more intimate settings\u2014conversations with one or a few people\u2014determine the most important thing you can do to solve the issue and when you can do it<\/strong>. During this process, brainstorm any potential barriers in your way, and how you can avoid or overcome them. For example \u201cthe most important thing I can do right now is let my friend know that I care about her and am willing to do whatever I can to help. I can do this today. She might resist my help at first, but I can overcome this by regularly reminding her that I\u2019m here whenever she needs me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Determine Whether the Issue is Ability- or Motivation-Based<\/strong>

The authors of Crucial Accountability<\/em><\/a> provide advice to help you identify the best action to take and any barriers. They explain that most issues arise because someone is either unmotivated<\/em> or unable<\/em> to do what\u2019s necessary or expected<\/a>. So, first, determine whether you\u2019re dealing with a motivation or ability issue. Then, identify which factors are causing the barrier: Is the person inherently<\/em> unmotivated or lacking ability, are others<\/em> influencing them, or is the external environment<\/em> impacting their motivation or ability? Once you understand why the issue is happening and the factors contributing to it, you can make an informed decision about when and how to act.

For example, maybe your friend\u2019s mental health decline is a result of her having to move back in with her quarreling parents where she\u2019s unable to have the peace necessary to focus on herself. This would be an ability<\/em> issue caused by others<\/em> and her external environment<\/em>. With this knowledge, you may determine that the best action you can take is to suggest that she move in with you for a while, or that you take a weekend trip to give her time away from that environment.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Step #4: In Large Meetings, Reconsider Who to Involve<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Scott emphasizes that for topics that have a wide scope and require larger meetings, you should reconsider who to involve in the discussion.<\/strong> Once you\u2019ve completed your topic preparation, you might realize you need additional information and perspectives that the current group can’t provide. For example, after identifying that your ideal outcome is to change your company culture, you might realize you need a professional consultant in the conversation who can help you identify what you need to change and how you can do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: While many experts agree that it\u2019s crucial to have the right people<\/a> in your meetings to gain a full understanding of an issue, they suggest that it might also help to reconsider who shouldn\u2019t<\/em> be invited.<\/a> People who tend to dominate conversations, are highly negative, put their perspective above others\u2019, and get easily distracted are likely to disrupt the productivity and effectiveness of your discussion. It\u2019s best to remove anyone who meets any of these descriptions from your attendance list.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you have an issue that needs to be resolved? How should you prepare to talk about problems? Whether the problem is with yourself or others, preparing for the discussion is a great way to get organized. No matter who you’re talking to, Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott says you should clarify all the important details so you can contextualize and clearly explain the topic to others. Here are easy steps for talking about problems.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":12036,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,43],"tags":[1107],"class_list":["post-108872","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-self-improvement","tag-fierce-conversations","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Talk About Your Problems: 4 Steps for Opening Up - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Talking about problems can be scarier than the problems themselves. 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