{"id":108606,"date":"2023-07-13T09:23:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-13T13:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=108606"},"modified":"2023-07-20T09:34:44","modified_gmt":"2023-07-20T13:34:44","slug":"how-to-compliment-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-compliment-people\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Compliment People: Make Them Feel Validated & Seen"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

What kind of compliments do you appreciate most? How can you compliment others in a way that’s received especially well?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some compliments feel better than others. That’s because they come in different categories. Social interaction expert Patrick King draws vital distinctions among categories of compliments and shows why some go a lot further than others when it comes to making people feel validated, seen, and appreciated.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep reading for King’s advice on how to compliment people in meaningful ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

How to Compliment People<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

One way to take care of your conversation partner and ensure they feel good in conversation is to offer thoughtful compliments. King shares some important insights on how to compliment people, writing that the compliments that ingratiate you most effectively with the recipient target something the recipient can control or something the recipient has actively decided to do<\/strong>. Such compliments feel more meaningful to the recipient than compliments about things they can\u2019t control (like looks) because they validate a person\u2019s choices and lifestyle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For instance, a person will be happier if you tell them you\u2019re really impressed with the garden they\u2019ve worked tirelessly to cultivate than if you compliment them on the size of their hands, which is something they have no control over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: In addition to complimenting people only on things they have control over, you should also steer clear of flattery. <\/em>In The Like Switch<\/em><\/a>, <\/em>Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins argue that flattery is often deployed as a way to get something from someone<\/a>. If you find yourself offering compliments for a specific reason\u2014for example, to be invited to an event or to get something\u2014you\u2019re probably flattering the other person, and it\u2019s likely they can tell. Keep your compliments sincere and only offer them as a way to make the other person feel good.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consider complimenting others on choices they\u2019ve made to stand out from the crowd because these deliberate decisions reflect their identity and how they want to be perceived. A unique choice might be a nonconformist opinion, an unusual garment, a particular spiritual interest, or an affiliation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As an alternative to a traditional compliment, King suggests noticing people\u2019s behaviors, habits, and idiosyncrasies and non-judgmentally drawing attention to them. This makes the other person feel noteworthy and seen. For instance, if a friend often uses an uncommon turn of phrase, you might inquire about it. This will make them feel unique and interesting and might lead to an intriguing explanation of where they picked up that phrase.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(Shortform note: The unique traits or idiosyncrasies King recommends you compliment or comment on are symptoms of humans\u2019 need to be unique<\/em><\/a>. Humans have a strong evolutionary urge to fit in, but we also need to feel that we differ from our peers in some ways, and this can lead us to make particular lifestyle choices. Still, because we\u2019re all trying to strike a balance between fitting in and being different, it\u2019s important to compliment others in ways that don\u2019t make them feel too <\/em>unusual. Hearing someone tell you, \u201cThat is the most bizarre hat I\u2019ve ever seen\u201d probably doesn\u2019t feel as good as \u201cThat is such a cool hat; I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever seen anything like it.\u201d)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What kind of compliments do you appreciate most? How can you compliment others in a way that’s received especially well? Some compliments feel better than others. That’s because they come in different categories. Social interaction expert Patrick King draws vital distinctions among categories of compliments and shows why some go a lot further than others when it comes to making people feel validated, seen, and appreciated. Keep reading for King’s advice on how to compliment people in meaningful ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":108116,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,9,12],"tags":[1104],"class_list":["post-108606","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-psychology","category-relationships","tag-better-small-talk","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Compliment People: Make Them Feel Validated & Seen - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Do you ever wonder why some compliments make people feel more appreciated than others? 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