{"id":108594,"date":"2023-07-14T13:52:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-14T17:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=108594"},"modified":"2023-07-20T09:34:46","modified_gmt":"2023-07-20T13:34:46","slug":"monopolizing-conversations","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/monopolizing-conversations\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stop Monopolizing Conversations (and Stop Others, Too)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Are you a conversation monopolizer? Or, do you fall victim to this and hardly get a word in edgewise?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One-sided conversations aren&#8217;t really conversations; they&#8217;re monologues. Good conversationalists give each other space to talk. This requires both skill and thoughtfulness. Social interaction specialist Patrick King shows you how to cultivate these traits in his book <em>Better Small Talk<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Continue reading to learn how to stop monopolizing conversations and keep others from doing the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-stop-yourself-others-from-monopolizing-conversations\">Stop Yourself &amp; Others From Monopolizing Conversations<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the most important ways to take care of your conversation partners is to <strong>give them room to contribute by listening well to them and not monopolizing conversation<\/strong>s. Many people view conversations as simply a way to state their own opinion or tell their own story, and they feel no obligation to listen to the other person, writes King. This makes for an unrewarding experience for the other person, who feels unimportant and unheard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>(Shortform note: Statistics reveal the optimal division of talking time between speakers: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.spencergreenberg.com\/2019\/05\/how-much-should-we-talk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">People enjoy conversations most when speaking time is split <em>equally<\/em><\/a>. This holds in conversations between strangers, acquaintances, and close friends, as well as when the speakers are extroverts or introverts. As soon as someone begins speaking more or less than 50% of the time, both participants\u2019 enjoyment of the conversation decreases drastically.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To listen well and share the conversational space, King recommends the following:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><strong>Don\u2019t craft your response while the other person is still talking.<\/strong> Listen actively with an open mind and only formulate your response once they\u2019ve finished.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong><em>Show<\/em><\/strong><strong> the other person that you\u2019re listening<\/strong>. You can do this through engaged facial expressions, verbalizations, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/body-language-crucial-conversations\/\">body language<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Don\u2019t stick to your point or story<\/strong> if the other person takes the conversation in another direction. Be willing to let go of what you wanted to say.&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>In general, try to talk less.<\/strong> People probably aren\u2019t as interested in your life as you are and don\u2019t care to hear about it endlessly.&nbsp;<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table><tbody><tr><td><strong>How to Deal With Bad Listeners and Conversation Monopolizers<\/strong><br><br>What do you do if your conversation partner doesn\u2019t extend the same courtesies King outlines to you? A conversation can quickly become unrewarding if you\u2019re trying to be a good listener but the other person doesn\u2019t listen to you, cuts you off, and monopolizes the conversation.&nbsp;<br><br>One way to deal with such people is to <a href=\"https:\/\/hbr.org\/2017\/08\/how-to-work-with-a-bad-listener\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">ask them if there\u2019s a better way for them to engage in conversation with you<\/a>. It\u2019s possible that, for instance, sitting in a caf\u00e9 makes the other person restless and that they\u2019d be a better listener if you chatted during a walk.&nbsp;<br><br>If you want to decrease the chances of being interrupted or not heard when you have important information to convey, you might signal to the other person at the beginning of the conversation that you need to talk about something and that you want their input when you\u2019re done. For instance, if you want to talk about a rough break-up you\u2019ve just gone through, you might say something like, \u201cI\u2019m so glad you could meet to talk. I really need to talk to someone and get some advice.\u201d This might alert the other person that they need to listen to you.&nbsp;<br><br>Finally, you might even gently call out the other person for not sharing the conversational space. The best way to do this is by showing empathetic concern: If the other person keeps redirecting the conversation back to a specific topic, is obviously just thinking of their next response while you\u2019re talking, or is showing signs of being distracted through body language or facial expressions, you might compassionately ask, \u201cIt seems like something is on your mind and might be distracting you from our current conversation. Do you want to talk about whatever\u2019s bothering you?\u201d If the other person is simply doing a poor job of listening, this hopefully will act as a signal to them. But more importantly, if the other person really <em>does <\/em>have something distracting on their mind, you give them the chance to address it.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Are you a conversation monopolizer? Or, do you fall victim to this and hardly get a word in edgewise? One-sided conversations aren&#8217;t really conversations; they&#8217;re monologues. Good conversationalists give each other space to talk. This requires both skill and thoughtfulness. Social interaction specialist Patrick King shows you how to cultivate these traits in his book Better Small Talk. Continue reading to learn how to stop monopolizing conversations and keep others from doing the same.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":23330,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[34,12,43],"tags":[1104],"class_list":["post-108594","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-relationships","category-self-improvement","tag-better-small-talk","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Stop Monopolizing Conversations (and Stop Others, Too) - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"You want to be heard, and you should hear others out. 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