{"id":108030,"date":"2023-07-11T15:28:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-11T19:28:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=108030"},"modified":"2023-07-14T10:29:00","modified_gmt":"2023-07-14T14:29:00","slug":"emotional-intimacy-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-intimacy-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Ways to Maintain Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>How often do you have substantive conversations with your partner? How might a &#8220;relationship agreement&#8221; benefit you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Relationship experts contend that a key to maintaining a happy romantic relationship is to sustain emotional intimacy. Specifically, they suggest that you regularly connect with each other and let each other\u2014and your relationship\u2014evolve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Read on to discover three ways to maintain emotional intimacy in a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-1-connect-with-your-partner\">#1: Connect With Your Partner<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/the-first-way\/\">The first way<\/a> to maintain emotional intimacy in a relationship is to connect with your partner. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work<\/em><\/a>, relationship researcher <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/gottman-love-lab-marriage-divorce\/\">John Gottman<\/a> and coauthor Nan Silver highlight the importance of connecting regularly with your partner so that you can maintain your connection long-term. They explain that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/the-seven-principles-for-making-marriage-work\/1-page-summary#principle-3-regularly-respond-to-your-partners-overtures\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">happy couples <strong>regularly respond to each other\u2019s bids<\/strong>, or overtures, for connection<\/a>. Sometimes, these overtures are obvious, like if your partner asks you to pick up groceries on your way home. Other times, these overtures are subtler\u2014and they may even <em>seem<\/em> like a complaint. For example, if your spouse huffs that you never want to go out after work, this is <em>actually<\/em> a request for you to invite her out after work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Gottman and Silver explain that regularly responding to these overtures improves your marital happiness by building up positive sentiment between the two of you\u2014which allows you to weather life\u2019s inevitable challenges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To improve how often you respond to your partner\u2019s overtures, Gottman and Silver suggest that you <strong>intentionally reconnect each evening<\/strong>. Take turns sharing the highs and lows of your days. Put your phones aside so you can stay focused on each other during the conversation, and always back your spouse\u2014even if you suspect they\u2019re in the wrong. Remember that the point of this conversation is to <em>connect<\/em> with your spouse and to help both of you defuse any externally caused stress (like troubles at work). You can\u2019t do either if you attack your spouse\u2019s choices (although you can express your concerns at another time).&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-2-let-each-other-evolve\">#2: Let Each Other Evolve<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/feedback-cycle\/\">The second way<\/a> to maintain emotional intimacy in a relationship is to let each other evolve. In <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/eight-dates\/1-page-summary\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><em>Eight Dates<\/em><\/a>, Gottman, his wife\u2014fellow relationship researcher Julie Schwartz Gottman\u2014and married couple Doug Abrams and Rachel Carlton Abrams also highlight the importance of connecting regularly with your partner. The authors explain that <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/eight-dates\/1-page-summary#the-secret-to-a-long-and-loving-relationship-never-stop-dating\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>relationships last when both people support the evolution and growth of their partner<\/strong><\/a>, as individuals and as a couple. So to support each other\u2019s growth, you and your partner need to set aside time to continue learning about each other through intentional conversation and open-ended questions.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But, rather than recommend that you reconnect each evening, the authors advocate for the power of a weekly date night. They define a date as a designated time that you get together with your partner to connect, talk, and learn more about one another (watching Netflix on the couch together doesn\u2019t count). Moreover, they outline several specific topics you should discuss on these dates to lay a positive foundation for your relationship\u2014such as <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/eight-dates\/1-page-summary#date-six-play\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">what you like to do for fun<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/shortform.com\/app\/book\/eight-dates\/1-page-summary#date-four-finances\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">how you view your finances<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-3-let-the-relationship-evolve\">#3: Let the Relationship Evolve<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>The third way to maintain emotional intimacy in a relationship is to let the relationship evolve. While the authors of <em>Eight Dates<\/em> highlight the importance of letting <em>each other <\/em>evolve, <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-not-die-alone\/preview\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">How to Not Die Alone<\/a><\/em> author<em> <\/em>Logan<em> <\/em>Ury emphasizes the importance of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-not-die-alone\/1-page-summary#how-to-stay-happy-long-term\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>building a <em>relationship<\/em> that can grow with you<\/strong><\/a>. She explains that most people recognize that they\u2019ve changed a lot in the past, but they don\u2019t expect to change a lot in the future. But in reality, you (and your partner) will probably change just as much in the future as you did in the past. Therefore, it\u2019s critical to ensure that your relationship evolves, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To ensure that your relationship adapts to your changing needs as the years go by, Ury recommends that you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/app\/book\/how-to-not-die-alone\/1-page-summary#how-to-stay-happy-long-term\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\"><strong>write a relationship agreement<\/strong><\/a>, or a \u201ccontract.\u201d In this agreement, articulate your relationship values and how you\u2019ll express them. Revisit this agreement regularly at intervals that work for you\u2014whether that\u2019s yearly or biannually\u2014to review and update it as needed. By doing so, you\u2019ll deal with potential issues early instead of letting them fester and damage your relationship long-term.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How often do you have substantive conversations with your partner? How might a &#8220;relationship agreement&#8221; benefit you? Relationship experts contend that a key to maintaining a happy romantic relationship is to sustain emotional intimacy. Specifically, they suggest that you regularly connect with each other and let each other\u2014and your relationship\u2014evolve. Read on to discover three ways to maintain emotional intimacy in a relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":32840,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[1097],"class_list":["post-108030","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships","tag-the-master-guides-maintaining-a-happy-relationship","","tg-column-two"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.3 (Yoast SEO v24.3) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>3 Ways to Maintain Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship - Shortform Books<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Experts contend that a key to staying happy in a relationship is to sustain emotional intimacy. Discover three practical ways to stay close.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/emotional-intimacy-in-a-relationship\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"3 Ways to Maintain Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Experts contend that a key to staying happy in a relationship is to sustain emotional intimacy. 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