{"id":107692,"date":"2023-07-09T14:09:00","date_gmt":"2023-07-09T18:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/?p=107692"},"modified":"2023-07-11T08:56:56","modified_gmt":"2023-07-11T12:56:56","slug":"how-to-stop-beating-yourself-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.shortform.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-beating-yourself-up\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Stop Beating Yourself Up: 5 Ways to Forgive Yourself"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Are you too hard on yourself? How can you stop beating yourself up over little mistakes?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Making mistakes is part of being human, but many of us chronically beat ourselves up for not being perfect. Over time, that critical self-talk can evolve into debilitating shame that prevents us from pursuing opportunities in life<\/a> and showing up authentically for ourselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

With this in mind, here\u2019s how to stop beating yourself up and begin showing up for yourself with the care and compassion that you deserve. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

1. Practice Self-Compassion<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Guilt and shame can sometimes motivate us to change our behavior. We may even see it as simply \u201ctough love.\u201d But even the worst type of shame can be a nuisance in your life. When you feel like you\u2019ve failed again and again, you begin to wonder if there\u2019s nothing to be done to fix the issues you might be causing. But Nonviolent Communication<\/em><\/a> by Marshall B. Rosenberg reassures you that this shame isn\u2019t permanent, nor are you incapable of growing beyond your mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Creating an internal dialogue<\/a> with more compassion for yourself<\/a> begins with withholding judgment. Self-judgment is easiest to catch when it takes the form of criticism (like \u201cI can\u2019t believe I did that, I\u2019m so stupid!\u201d). The more insidious form of moralistic self-judgment comes in the form of \u201cshould\u201d\u2014as in, \u201cI should have known better\u201d or \u201cI really should exercise more.\u201d These statements are demands, not true requests, because we know we\u2019ll punish ourselves severely if we don\u2019t comply. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To express compassion for yourself, treat it just like any other relationship by focusing on feelings and needs. Instead of thinking, \u201cI\u2019m so stupid,\u201d practice thinking, \u201cWhat unmet need prompted me to act that way?\u201d<\/strong> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bringing awareness to your unmet needs gives you a healthy, compassionate way to grow from the experience rather than getting mired in self-hatred. Allow yourself to feel all those emotions about what happened without raking yourself over the coals for it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Scrutinize Your Failures<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In his book Psycho-Cybernetics<\/em><\/a>, author Maxwell Maltz suggests asking yourself logical questions about the facts<\/em> of the situation as a way to force yourself to focus on figuring out the real cause of your mistake and your goals instead of focusing on identifying with the mistake. Further, questioning yourself rationally helps you to immediately seek solutions to the mistake so you can bolster your potential for success in the future. This process will turn every mistake and failure into an opportunity to learn and break your pattern of responding negatively to situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For example, you failed an exam. You could either mope around and identify with the failure: \u201cI failed my exam (fact), therefore I am a failure (cause).\u201d Or you could just state the fact: \u201cI failed the exam,\u201d and seek the real cause by asking yourself logical questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n